


The Path to the Tower

by AvengersCompound (emilyevanston)



Series: The Tower [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cheating, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hulk Smash (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multi, No character hate, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Oral Sex, Orgy, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Praise Kink, Romance, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, The Avengers are a Mess, Threesome - F/F/M, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, following along the MCU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-18 10:22:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 56,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/AvengersCompound
Summary: They say that extreme experiences bring you closer together.  The Avengers have experienced some of the most extreme side-by-side.Before they met Elly, nine heroes followed a path that led them to a life they chose to share together.  This is the story of how.Art-Work byIscha.  AvailablehereThis is a prequel and can absolutely be read stand alone.





	1. 1.1 Til The End of the Line

“Get up, punk.”

The sound of Bucky’s voice was enough to wake Steve, but even if it hadn’t the hard shove to the back that knocked him out of the bed and onto the floor certainly did.  “Jesus Christ, Buck,”  Steve said, rolling onto his back and looking up at the dark-haired man who’d just shoved him unceremoniously out of bed.  It wasn’t unusual for Steve Rogers to wake up in pain, it was a constant feature in his life.  He could have done without the sudden jolt up his spine though.

“I need to get to work and you were lyin’ on top of me,”  Bucky said, sitting up and stretching out.  He stood up and scratched his stomach.  Steve watched as his fingers pulled the skin on his stomach taut.  Bucky caught him looking and grinned, dropping him a wink.  “Like what you see?”  He asked.

Steve punched him in the leg.  “Jerk,”  He said.  “Besides, I thought you liked me being on top of you.”

Bucky started laughing and pulled Steve into a headlock and started ruffling his hair.  “You are such a little punk.”

Steve pulled Bucky down onto the floor and the two started wrestling.  Steve didn’t have a chance and deep down he knew it.  It didn’t stop him from trying to beat Bucky.  Really he appreciated that Bucky never tried to baby him like most people.  If Steve’s Ma had ever known that Bucky and he used to rough house or about the incident on the Cyclone, she woulda never let them hang out in the first place.

Then again there was a lot about Steve and Bucky’s relationship that his mother wouldn’t have approved of.  Like the fact that Bucky’s hand had just slipped down into Steve’s underwear and he was teasing his fingers over his cock.  Or the fact that Bucky’s lips were pressed against his throat and the way his teeth grazed over his skin.  Bucky made Steve feel ways no one had ever made him feel.  Strong and whole.  Capable.  Desirable.  He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man.  It may be a pipe dream but he was still his dream and he held onto it like something precious and fragile.

“Oh fuck, Buck.”  Steve groaned, his hips rolling into Bucky’s hand.  “I thought you had to get to work.”

“So I’ll be late,”  Bucky whispered.

Steve hummed and tangled his legs with Bucky’s so that everytime he rutted against Bucky’s hand his thigh rubbed on Bucky’s dick.

Bucky groaned and crashed his mouth into Steve’s, kissing him hard.  There was a hunger and need to it that made Steve breathless and each time they broke apart even for a second he gasped and started to pant before slamming their lips together again.  The stubble that had grown in overnight made Steve’s lips numb and tingle, but he couldn’t seem to stop kissing him, even as his lungs burned, trying to pull in air.

They worked each other’s boxers down and off before Bucky flipped them both over so Steve was straddling him.  “I knew you liked it when I was on top.”  Steve teased reaching under the bed and pulling out the well-used tub of Vaseline.

 

> _Art-Work by[ Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa)_
> 
>  

“Alright, Stevie.  Settle down.”  Bucky shot back leaning up and capturing his lips again.  

Steve coated his palm with the sticky jelly and started rubbing both their cocks in tandem, his fingers only barely reaching the whole way around.  Bucky let out a low rumble and bit at Steve’s lips.  “Oh god, Stevie.  Give it to me.  I need it.”  He whispered.

Steve kissed Bucky’s throat.  “You need it?  Is that right?”

Bucky groaned and bucked his hips up.  “Fuck, Stevie.”  He whined.

Steve shifted between Bucky’s legs and Bucky pulled his knees to his chest.  Steve stroked his cock, pulling the foreskin back and forth before teasing the head over Bucky’s asshole.  Bucky groaned pushing back against Steve so the head pushed into his tight hole.  Steve keened and pushed in further before pulling out again.  He leaned in and Bucky grabbed hold of his shoulders pulling him into a kiss as Steve started fucking him.

He moved quickly and fucked him deeply, relishing in the feeling of his cock inside Bucky.  The way he groaned and whimpered as Steve pressed on his prostate.  Even as Steve’s knees burned from kneeling on the cold wooden floor, he fell apart in ecstasy.  Steve wrapped his hand around Bucky’s cock and began to pump it quickly.  Bucky mewled and arched under him.  “Oh god, Stevie.  Yes.  I’m gonna…”  He panted as his muscles tensed and relaxed and his legs began to tremble.

Bucky arched back violently, the tendons in his neck pulled taut, thrusting a fist into his mouth to muffle the cry as he came in waves over his stomach.  Steve groaned and dropped his head, his breathing was becoming labored and it burned to pull in air but he kept thrusting.  His cock began to twitch and he pulled out and stroked it groaning as he released, his come mixing with Bucky’s.  He sat back, leaning against the bed, wheezing.

Bucky moved beside him and rubbed his back.  “You okay there?”

Steve nodded his head, though he knew he wasn’t really.  Bucky kissed his brow.  “You want one of your asthma cigarettes?”  He asked.

Steve nodded again and Bucky got up wiping his stomach with his boxers.  He grabbed Steve’s cigarettes, matches, and ashtray and brought them over, lighting a cigarette and inhaling the herbal tasting cigarette smoke before handing it to Steve.  “I’ll run you a bath.  Okay?  I gotta go, but I’ll stay if you need me.”

Steve inhaled deeply and held it as long as he could before breaking down into a violent coughing fit.  “I’ll be okay.  You can go.”

Bucky got up and started moving around the tiny apartment as Steve sat smoking and trying to relax so he could breathe again.  He turned on the water in the bath and cleaned himself off properly before going and putting some coffee off the burner to brew.  He dressed and by the time he’d switched the faucets off in the tub, Steve’s breathing was less labored and the coffee was ready.  He poured a cup and brought it over to Steve.

“I should be getting my orders today.  I’ll come find you if I do.  You got plans?”  Bucky asked.

Steve shook his head.  He had planned to try and enlist again, but he didn’t want Bucky to know that.  “I might go catch a picture,”  Steve said.

“You better not be goin’ to try and enlist again.”  Bucky scolded.

“I’m not!”  Steve argued.

Bucky shook his head.  “You’re gonna get arrested, pal.”

“I’m not, Buck,”  Steve said more seriously.

“Sure you ain’t.”  He ruffled Steve’s hair.  “Take a bath.  I got some broads to go to the Expo tonight.  Should be fun.”

Steve sighed.  The final facet of James Bucky Barnes that Steve’s mother wouldn’t approve of.  Steve thought she could maybe accept everything else even if his dad couldn’t, just because Bucky made him happy.  The fact that Bucky didn’t seem to be able to commit, not just to him out of some fear of people finding out, but to anyone.  He went through women like most people went through their rations.  He had this notion in his head that one day they could find the right two and somehow share.  That that would be okay.  Somehow more okay than just admitting you were gay and settling for Steve.  Or falling in line and letting Steve go and getting married and having kids like everyone else.

“Come on, Stevie.  They’re really nice.  They like each other.  You can tell.  Maybe… you know?  And if not?  Well, we see some stuff from the future and we go dancin’.”   Bucky said excitedly.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, okay, Buck.  Whatever you like.  I’ll see you later.”

Bucky smiled and headed out the door.  Steve sat on the floor finishing his coffee and cigarette before he got up and started to get ready for the day.


	2. 1.2 Til the End of the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve falls in love with someone new and starts to really see the life Bucky had wanted for them. In the end, he loses everything

Of course, Steve went straight to the recruiting center and got rejected as soon as they saw his medical records.  Of course, he went spoiling for a fight as soon as he could find one after it happened.  Of course, Bucky saved his ass.  Again.  Of course, Bucky had his marching orders.   Of course, the date went just exactly how he expected, the girls ignoring him in favor of Bucky.  Those were all to be expected.  That was in line with the way Steve Rogers’ life went.  Never quite catching a break but things never going so badly that he felt he could complain.  He knew what having it worse was like.  Alone and unnoticed was better than being noticed by people who wished you didn’t exist.

That was not how the night ended though.  He had been noticed.  What he thought was initially the notice of people he really, really didn’t want to be noticed by turned out to be exactly what he wanted.  He was enlisted in the army as a potential candidate for some super secret program.  So the day Bucky shipped out, he was packing his own bags to Camp Lehigh to begin his own military training.

Even with how much harder Steve found training than everyone else there, he still noticed Peggy Carter.  Never before had a woman looked at him and really seen him before.  The person he was.  The potential he had.  Not just a skinny, sickly loser, but someone who was capable of more.

To begin with, he just appreciated her.  The way he did Erskine too.  The way they saw him for who he is and let him at least attempt to get to his potential was something he had only ever had with Bucky, yet even with Bucky he’d been a thing that needed protecting at least some of the time.  Peggy had no interest in protecting him.  She just wanted the best soldier for the job and let him prove that it could be him.  She trained him to fight using his particular strengths which weren’t that of the men who were much bigger and physically stronger than him.

By the time, he’d been selected as the candidate for the experiment that admiration had developed into a crush.  She saw him.  She saw him and liked him even though he was small and weak.  Even though when he tried to talk to her he tripped over his words and sounded like a complete jerk.  She saw him and it made his heart flutter.  Not that his feelings for Bucky had changed.  He still loved Bucky fiercely.  This was more like getting a crush on your teacher.  You knew it wasn’t anything, but you still got butterflies when they called your name.

It didn’t matter though, the experiment worked.  He went from the tiny sick guy to the huge invulnerable one.  Only everything had gone wrong.  Eskrine had been killed.  The project canceled and Steve went from being a soldier to being a performing monkey.

Once again, his life returned to never quite getting noticed by the right people.  At least he was getting noticed now.  It could be argued a little too much.  He was getting babies thrust into his arms to kiss like he was a crooked politician.  Women would slip their numbers into his back pocket or press themselves a little too closely while they leaned in close as they spoke to him about how brave he was and what a great job he was doing serving the country.

In a lot of ways, it felt good.  To go from never having anyone look twice at him to being a subject of desire was like a drug.  It was hard to quit.  It also had the ability to make him feel more unnoticed than ever.  He now had this physique that people couldn’t take their eyes off, but no one saw him for who he was at all.

Then the USO tour he was part of hit the troops.  The troops who were actually doing the fighting.  Who had seen so much.  Lost so much.  They were not as easily fooled by the bright costume and the practiced words.  They saw the fraud he was.  Steve felt worse than ever.  It was difficult even getting out of bed in the morning.

It took Peggy to turn it all around again.  She found him, sitting in the rain drawing.  Seeing him once again for the potential he had and not the box he’d been stuffed in.  It was in that moment that Steve saw more too.  Not just a crush he’d been harboring over someone he had put on a pedestal, but as something with potential for more.  With years not hearing from Bucky the promise of something warm and real and with a happy ending of the picket fence and the four kids.  That was a dream he hadn’t ever let himself have.

It was short lived.  He realized where he was.  That Bucky should be here too and he wasn’t.  That no one was going to get him.  It was Peggy again that saw the potential for what he could do and she organized a plane to drop him off over the enemy line.  Only the plane was piloted by playboy Howard Stark and there was obviously something between him and Peggy.  Once again, Steve packed that dream up into a box and put it neatly away.  His focus once again on Bucky where it had always been before.

Now though, he was there with Bucky and Peggy was there too.  She still saw him.  She still encouraged him.  Even when she was inexplicably angry that he flirted with other people.  He still harbored that crush, keeping it close like it was something precious.  She had Howard, he had Bucky.  Whatever that was, needed to just stay innocent.  Besides he had more important things to worry about.

He and Bucky completed mission after mission, side by side.  Slowly chipping away at the poison that was HYDRA that had latched itself onto the biggest evil it could find and ride it into the future of world domination that it wanted at its core.  Mission after mission, they came back victorious.  Newsreels were sent back home praising the strength and efforts of Captain America and the Howling Commandos.  He felt confident and proud of who he was for the first time in his life.  He was with the man he loved and more importantly he was making a difference.

And then he fell and Steve felt like he’d lost a major piece of who he was.

Bucky Barnes, the boy who had been at his side since Steve was only small was gone.  How was Steve going to continue?

The answer came from Peggy.  Peggy and her faith in the man Steve Rogers could be.

Steve fell for Peggy in a gradual way.  He loved her strength.  The way she didn’t take shit from anyone, not even him.  He loved the way she saw what was best in people but never let them take advantage of her.  He loved the way that she knew that people undervalued her and she used that against them.

Their love for each other grew out of the dark depths of the war and everything that it took from them.  It was like a precious flower that bloomed in a wasteland.  They nurtured it carefully with strong words and soft touches.  Their physical relationship never progressed further than stolen kisses.

They were enough.  More than enough because they came with the promise of more at the end.  That there was maybe a life for him after this.  They let him think about, something, anything other than the look on Bucky’s face as he fell and fell and fell, again every night in his dreams.

He loved her.  He knew he did.  Realizing that was like a revelation to him.  Love wasn’t just this thing you had for one person.  You could love more than one.  Loving one person didn’t take from the love of another.  They were each their own individual thing that came with their own promises and emotions.

So Steve kept fighting.  He wanted to be the difference he hoped for in the world.

When the final fight had been won.  The Tesseract had fallen into the ocean and Schmidt had been torn apart just trying to hold it, a sense of peace fell on Steve.  He was done.  The fight was over.  He could have his life now.  The wife, Peggy, the kids.  The home.   He sat down and looked at the consoles.  They weren’t looking good, but he could work it out.  Put it down somewhere quiet.  Send out his coordinates.

As he flicked through controls trying to work out what was what it occurred to him, this was never going to be over.  He was never going to be able to stop being Captain America.  They’d invested too much money into him.  Too much of their time and their genius.  He was going to go back to being the performing monkey and no matter how much potential Peggy Carter saw in him, it wasn’t going to be enough to get through the fact he’d never get to be little Steven Grant Rogers curled into Bucky’s arms on the moth-eaten mattress in Brooklyn again.

Steve went to the radio and moved the stations.  “Come in. This is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?”

“Captain Rogers, what is your…”  The voice of his fellow Howling Commando Jim responded.  He was quickly cut off by Peggy.

“Steve, is that you? Are you alright?”  The desperation in her voice was clear and it broke his heart that this was how he needed to end this.

“Peggy! Schmidt’s dead.”  He said simply.  Not wanting to address the question of his own wellbeing.

“What about the plane?”

“That’s a little bit tougher to explain.”  The plane was his out.  The plane being dangerous.  If he could convince her, she could let him go and move on with her life.  Maybe she could get the thing they would never allow him to give her.

“Give me your coordinates, I’ll find you a safe landing site.”  Peggy pleaded.  He steeled himself.  Hearing her on the way out was going to hurt, but he wanted it nonetheless.  To not be alone when he died.  

“There’s not going to be a safe landing. But I can try and force it down.”  He said.

“I’ll get Howard on the line, he’ll know what to do.”  There was something in her voice.  A deeper understanding of what was happening.  A pleading for him not to go through with it.

“There’s not enough time. This thing’s moving too fast and it’s heading for New York.”  He said, still trying to put her at ease.  “I gotta put her in the water.”

“Please, don’t do this. We have time. We can work it out.”  He could hear the tears in her voice now, and he set his jaw.

“Right now, I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die. Peggy, this is my choice.”  He reasoned pushing the controls down.  He tried not to think of what this would do to her.  But all that potential filled his head again.  They hadn’t even gotten to dance.  “Peggy?”

“I’m here.”  She replied.

“I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”

“Alright. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”  He could hear the tears now even as she tried to stay strong.

“You got it.”

“Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?”  She said firmly.  The fantasy of the potential was enough now.  Just that one last dream of what could have been if the word was different.

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”  He said.

“I’ll show you how. Just be there.”

“We’ll have the band play somethin’ slow. I’d hate to step on your…”  The line went dead as the plane crashed into the ice and broke through sinking into the cold Arctic water.

Steve moved, lying down so he could be comfortable.  Freezing to death wasn’t the worst way to go.  It was painful, to begin with.  The air hurt to breathe but that wasn’t anything he hadn’t experienced before.  The cold cut through his skin.  It felt sharp like it could make him bleed.  It was when things went numb that peace set in.  He started to drift.  Like he was falling to sleep.   He had a moment of revisiting the past.  The warmth of Bucky’s body pressed against his.  The gentle brush of Peggy’s lips against his.  The way they’d each made him feel like more than he was.  As his thoughts got sluggish they filled with potential.  A life with both.  Where they loved him and each other.  They had children.  A boy with Bucky’s dark hair and grey/blue eyes and a girl with his blond hair and brighter green ones.  Where they were happy.  He felt happy.  Then he felt nothing and the plane settled into its resting place.


	3. 2.1 The Red Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 15-year-old Natasha meets the Winter Soldier and she realizes how dark the organization she’s been raised by can get.

Natalia Romanova felt eyes on her.  Not unusual.  People were always watching her.  The way his eyes felt was different.  The weight of the gaze felt heavy even before she saw who was looking at her.  She turned from the barre and looked at the figure standing in the darkened doorway.  He was large, his shadow almost filling it, and there was a glint of light reflecting off what looked like metal on his left arm.  His hair hung down, greasy in curtains around his face.  She couldn’t see his eyes but she knew they were fixed on her.

“What are you staring at?”  She snarled.  Natalia had grown up in the Red Room.   She knew everyone in it and had never seen this man before.  It was bad enough she was constantly under scrutiny by people she did know, having complete strangers do it was not something she would tolerate.

The man said nothing but stepped into the room.  His eyes never left her but looking at them directly she could see there was something behind them.  Like he was caged in his own body and helpless to stop anything that it did.

“What do you want?”  She snapped, taking a few steps back from him.  He was unsettling.  The metal she’d glimpsed in the shadow was, in fact, his arm.  The whole thing was metal and made up of mechanics she had never witnessed the likes of before.  He was dressed in leather head to toe and had a black mask on.  She wondered if it was a mask or a muzzle.  “Answer me.”

“I go where I am told.”  He said.  His voice was deep and muffled by the mask, and he spoke Russian with an American accent.  If she was confused before, Natalia was completely perplexed now.  She tilted her head to the side and looked the man up and down.  The thought crossed her mind he’d been sent to kill her, or perhaps even everyone in the facility.  She was just moving into a defensive stance when he spoke again.  “You’re bleeding.”

Nat looked down at her feet.  The pale pink of her ballet slippers had started to darken to a red at the toe.  She cursed under her breath and looked up at the stranger.  “It happens.  There is no victory without pain.”

His face didn’t change, but his eyes screamed such pain in that moment.  Like he wanted to run.  To run and never look back at this place or the people in it.  Instead, he shook his head an almost imperceptible amount.  “Not there.”  He said and pointed at her waist.  She turned to the mirror and looked.  There was spotting on the crotch of her leotard.  He put her hand between her legs and pulled it away.  Her fingers came back with dark sticky blood on them.  She cursed and swallowed hard.  The way they had worked her had pushed her body to the point that she had never had a period before.  Ballerinas were kept thin and slightly malnourished to be good enough for the Bolshoi.  She had gone further and pushed herself harder than most, trying to avoid the next part of her training.  It was one thing to blindly believe the lie of becoming a dancer when she was being made to fight the other girls, it was another to know it was a lie and step into something you knew would hurt you more.  “I need to…”

She was stopped when Professor Pchelintsov stepped into the room.  “Ahh, Natasha.  You have met the soldier I see.  He is going to help with your training.”  He said first looking from the man he called the soldier and then to Natalia.  “Oh, my little Tasha.  You are becoming a woman.  This is good news.  The soldier has arrived at a perfect time.  Go shower and clean up and we shall see you go through some routines with our new friend.”

Natalia nodded and ran past him to her room.  She sat down heavily on her bed and tried with all her willpower not to start crying.  She was stronger than that, harder than that.  She did not cry like a little girl.  Her willpower dissolved when her door open and Yelena step through.  “Tasha, what are you…”  The blond faltered and looked at Natalia like the world had just ended.  “It’s okay.  It’s okay.  We’ll cover this up.  They don’t need to know.”  She said rushing to Natalia’s side and wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

“It’s too late, Alyona.”  Natalia sobbed.  “Pchenlintsov saw.  He knows.”


	4. 2.2 The Red Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter Soldier breaks his conditioning to stop himself from hurting Natalia

As expected Natalia’s training shifted.  It became more violent.  The techniques that had been beaten into her for her ballet training were now being adapted to use in combat.  She was being trained to use her sexuality more.  At fifteen she wasn’t even sure she had any sexuality to use, and yet she was being trained to get men to bend to her every whim through their desire to have her.

They hadn’t started making her kill people.  Yet.  It would come.  When she could take someone’s life without hesitation then she would graduate and they would sterilize her.  It was only a matter of time.

The Soldier was always around.  The way they treated him was like he was more beast than human.  They often referred to him as the asset, but even an asset was usually treated better than he was.  At best they ignored him.  Making him stand for hours on end just watching the girls practice.  At worst they seemed to take joy in torturing him.  More than once the screams he made as they did whatever they did to him, carried through the dorms as the girls were being chained into bed.

Most of her training was now with the Soldier.  Natasha was one of the best, and aside from Yelena she could best all the other girls.  The soldier though, he was another story.  His training was more advanced than anyone’s she’d ever seen like he’d been practicing it for an entire lifetime.  Like it had been beaten into him so hard it was now in his DNA.  He moved like water.  Every strike she tried to land he flowed past and then countered.  If she tried to block him he seemed to know and was already in position to land another blow.

Time and time again she ended up pinned by him.  Dangling against the wall, his metal fingers around her throat.  Her body pressed against his with the metal of his forearm pressed against her throat.  Pinned to the ground pushing her head into the hardwood floor.

“Try harder girl or maybe we let the Soldier take what he wants next time.”  One of the Winter Soldier’s handlers sneered.

The man next to him laughed and sneered.  “He’d like that, wouldn’t you?  Show her that you’re a man.”

The sneers were not unusual.  Sex was used as a weapon in the Red Room.  One she needed to be trained to used and one that was used against her.  The soldier never acted on these threats made by the others.  Whether it was because it was never a direct order and he only ever complied when it was a direct order, she wasn’t sure.  There were times at night when she was chained into her bed that she imagined them one day deciding to make the order, just so that they could watch him take the thing they had time and time again denied them.

She liked to believe he wouldn’t though.  It might have been more a hope than anything else, but his eyes.  There was something there.  He wanted to be here less than she did.  There was a kindness to his eyes.  A softness that didn’t match the hard exterior.  It accompanied the panic that screamed from them everytime he was ordered to come at her.

The soldier’s grip relaxed at the taunt and Natasha slipped free running straight at the guards.  The one at the left raised his gun, not that he was allowed to shoot her.  Her life was much more valuable than his.  The man on the right pulled out a club and raised his arm.

Things happened in slow motion, Natasha kicked the guy with the club and caught his arm, wrenching the weapon from his hand.  She used it to knock the rifle from the other guy’s hands, breaking his fingers in the process.  The club swung back hitting the first guy in the head as she swung around and kicked the second in the groin.  Both fell to the ground and she just started laying into both of them smashing one and then the other again and again with the club while the Soldier watched on impassive.  “Threaten to have him rape me again!”  She screamed.  “Threaten to make him do the thing I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to do again!”

“Asset!”  One of the men choked out.  “Stop her!”

The Winter Soldier moved quickly.  She struggled against him, each punch and kick was blocked and deflected until Natalia was pressed against the floor faced first and the club cutting off her airway.

“Do it, Asset.  Fuck that little bitch.  Make her regret she’s alive.”  One of the men seethed as he tried to get back to her feet.

The soldier faltered before his hand gripped at the waistband of her pants. She struggled against him kicking her feet.  “Please don’t do this.”  She pleaded.

The Soldier faltered.  His hands relaxing a little.

“Soldier!  Do it!”  The guard barked.

His hands tightened again and he started to yank down Natalia’s pants.  “Please.  This isn’t you.  Please don’t do it.  Fight them.  For me.”

He faltered again and for a moment the sound of his breath pulling ragged through the mask was all she could hear.  “Please.”  She whispered.

He let her go and shoved her aside, standing and stalking towards the two guards.  “Soldier, stand down.  Stand down.”  They shouted.

Natalia got to her feet and ran, she knew she wouldn’t get far but she had to get away from them now while she had the chance.  She was intercepted in the hall by Pchelintsov who had her taken for further reprogramming.  She didn’t see the Soldier for the remainder of her training.


	5. 3.1 Another Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, Phil, and Maria are sent to kill the Russian Spy the Black Widow. Clint makes another choice.

The side of the bed sank down and Phil rolled over automatically, making more room and opening his arms up.  It took a moment before Clint actual laid down but as soon as his head was on the pillow he nuzzled into Phil.  Phil closed his arms around the man and stroked his neck and the middle of his back in soothing circles.

Phil, Clint, and Maria had been tailing the Russian spy known as Black Widow for a month now.  Watching her as she put all the pieces in place for something big.  They still hadn’t quite figured out what yet and the stress of it had started getting to them.  It had made Clint needy for affection whenever he wasn’t on active watch.

Phil would be the first person to admit the thing he had with Clint and Maria was weird.  It was.  They were together but they weren’t.  No one was willing to admit feelings.  Though there were definite feelings.  The feelings were why it kept happening again and again.  Maria would blame the bonds of war.  Clint would say the lack of options.  They were there though because they kept coming back to it again and again.  Even when they went out and picked up, or tried an actual relationship, they always came back.

It was sex, sure.  But it was also this.  Affection when you’re lacking it.  Reassurance when you’re doubting yourself.  Close bonds forged in fire.

“Maria’s on watch?”  Phil murmured as his finger ran up into Clint’s hair.

“Yeah.  The widow’s sleeping.  She’s keeping an eye on it.”  Clint whispered against the skin of Phil’s neck.

“We’ll get her.  She has to act soon.”  Phil said.  He was already drifting back off to sleep, and his arm rested heavy across Clint.

Clint made a noncommittal noise.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know, Phil.”

“Huh?  She has to at some point.”  Phil mumbled.

Clint shook his head and took out his hearing aids, putting them on the plastic chair that was acting as a bedside table.  He relaxed down and nuzzled back into his lover.  The three of them had a job to do.  They were good at it.  There was an elite Russian assassin running about.  They needed to work out what her orders were, stop them, and take her out.  Only now Clint was starting to think she was working to stop her own orders and he was starting to root for her.

* * *

The following morning Clint woke up being spooned by Maria. A change of shift had obviously happened while he was completely dead to the world.  He shifted and for a moment Maria’s arms tightened around him before she relaxed and he was able to slip free of her.  He made his way out to the kitchen, putting his hearing aids back in and beelined directly for the coffee pot.  It was full and hot and Clint looked over at Phil and smiled.  “You always take such good care of me.”

Phil looked over from the window where he sat.  “I just don’t want to deal with Mr. Grumpy Pants.”  He said.  “She’s up, but just sitting by the window drinking coffee.”

“My kinda girl,”  Clint said coming over and sitting next to Phil.  He looked out through the holes in the curtain at the redhead currently sitting on her balcony drinking coffee as a black cat wound its way in and out of her legs.  She was just wearing a singlet over underwear and her face was turned up to the sun like she was recharging from it.  “God, she looks so normal.  How can someone with her past look so fuckin’ normal?”

Phil shrugged.  “You ran away to the circus.”

“I resent the implication that I look anything like a fully functioning human being.”  Clint scoffed.

The Black Widow got up and headed back into her apartment.  “Alright, go get ready.  She’ll be on the move soon.”  Phil said.

Clint grunted and went and got dressed.  He came back in jeans and a white t-shirt with a purple target on it.  He picked up his bow and quiver.  “Clint!  You can’t go out like that.”  Phil scolded.

“What?  Why?”  Clint groaned.

“You don’t think you’ll draw attention to yourself with a bow strapped to your back?  How are you even a spy?”  Phil said.

“I’m not.  I’m an assassin.  I was gonna stay to the roof.”  Clint argued.

“Nope.  Streets.  And you’re wearing a target on your chest.  Go change and you’re taking guns.”  Phil said firmly.

Clint cursed and went are redressed into a grey t-shirt.  He put a concealed carry holster on and slipped a .380 handgun into it.  He tapped the handle of the gun for a moment and then grabbed his retractable bow and strapped it to his back with a flat quiver and shrugged a bomber jacket over the top.

“If I get killed, it’s your fault,”  Clint grumbled as he opened the front door.

“Then don’t get killed.”  Phil shrugged.  “She just left her room.  Get a move on.”

Clint stepped out into the street as he saw the Black Widow turn the corner at the end of the street.  He thrust his hands in his pockets and followed after her.  She moved casually through the streets of Budapest like she was in no particular hurry.  She stopped and looked at things in windows.  She purchased Kürtőskalács at a small bakery.  She stopped and watched a fountain for a while.

Clint would walk ahead.  Stop and get coffee.  Buy himself a sandwich.  He tried on hats for some reason.  He really started to doubt his ability to be a spy but the Widow didn’t seem to notice him.

They spent a few hours going around like that and Clint was just about to suggest switching with Maria when the Widow turned another corner into a small laneway.

Clint gave it to the count of twenty before he went around after her.  There was no sight of her anywhere and he cursed.  “Fuck.  Shit.  Did you…”  Before he was able to finish the sentence he was bailed up into a doorway and a knife was pressed to his throat.

“Ki a fene vagy te?”  The widow snarled at him.

Clint blinked at her for a moment before grappling away and throwing her on the ground, he pulled out his gun and she kicked it out of his hand and swept his legs out from under him.  He landed with a huff and she tossed a small silver ball at his face, it exploded and the ringing in his ears had the same intensity as the day he lost his hearing in the first place.  “Fuck!”  He cursed, flipping back to his feet and aiming a kick to her waist.  She dodged it and spun up into the hair and put him in a thigh lock, twisting and bringing him back to the ground.  This time she pressed the knife to his dick.

“Ki a fene vagy te?”  She hissed.

“I don’t speak Hungarian.”  Clint huffed, trying to break free.

“Who the hell are you?”  She said.  “Speak quickly or I castrate you.”

“Clint!  I’m Clint!  Please don’t cut my balls off.”

“Why are you following me?”  She narrowed his eyes at him.  “You work for SHIELD, no?”

“No.  I mean yes!  Yes, I work for SHIELD.”  Clint babbled.  He cursed himself silently for not being able to keep quiet.  He just wasn’t a spy.  He wasn’t.  He could do pain.  But he couldn’t do this espionage and torture shit.  Besides, his gut was telling him they were wrong about her.  That whatever plan she’d been putting into place he didn’t think it was this big bad anything.

“Good.  You can help me.”  She said getting up and offering him her hand.

He took it and she pulled him to his feet.  “Wait, what?  Who are you?”

“Natalia Alianovna Romanova.”  She said striding down the street.

Clint scooped up his gun and held it up aiming it at her.  “I know that.  Natalia Alianovna Romanova.  The Black Widow.  From the Red Room.”

Natalia turned and looked at him.  “If you’re going to shoot me do it.  But I hope you do not miss.”

“Oh lady, I never miss.  I got my own code name.  Hawkeye.  You heard of me?”

Her eyes went wide.  “Yes.”  She said quietly.  “I’ve heard of you.  Please, Clint.  I will tell you exactly who I am.  I am a woman who has been tortured and manipulated from a small child to work for a cause I don’t even believe in.  I want out.  There are things coming together tonight.  I need your help.  But I mean it.  If you want to kill me do it.  Better than going back to that.”

Clint shifted on his feet and let out a breath before putting his gun away.  “Alright, Nat.   This might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and trust me, that’s saying a lot.  But I’m gonna trust you.”

“Well come.  Follow me.  We don’t have a lot of time.”   She said and took off down the lane.  Clint huffed and took after her.


	6. 3.2 Another Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick Fury works out what he’s going to do with Natasha.

“She bought you a new suit?”  Fury said, staring deadpan at Clint over his peaked fingers.

“A tux.  Yeah.”  Clint said with a nod.  “We went to this party and I was her date.”

“How true to character did you have to play this … date?”  Fury asked.

Clint tilted his head to the side as he assessed his boss.  “I don’t …”

“I mean did you dance?  Hold her hand?  Did you need to kiss her?”  Fury said, his voice rising a little with each new question.

Clint could tell he was pissed.  That he thought even though this had worked out even better than could have been imagined, they’d taken out half the key players of the KGB in one operation along with 10 big named assassins, he thought Clint had made the wrong call.  Clint didn’t even care.  The memory of that kiss he’d shared with Natalia was seared onto him.  He could still feel it on his lips a week later.  Alone at night, he imagined much more.  He imagined the red dress she’d worn slipping to the floor in a pool of fabric.  He imagined her pushing him against the wall as they kissed desperately.  He imagined fucking her, and the way her pussy would feel around his cock, soft and warm and wet.  The sounds she’d make. How she would curse in Russian.  “Uh.. yeah.  We did all those things.  I mean, I was undercover as her date.”

“And how do you know she wasn’t playing you, Barton?  How do you know she really switched sides.  That you weren’t her ticket into here.”  Fury asked.  His voice had returned to its normal calm but in a way that was even more concerning than if he was just shouting right now.

Clint blinked at him.  “I’m not… I can read people you know?”

“Oh, I see.  And you read that circus you ran away to so well.”  Fury snarked.

“Hey!”  Clint squawked.  “That’s not fair. I was a kid, and I left.  Besides that circus is why I am so good at reading people now.  Natalia wanted to leave.  I made a choice.”

Fury frowned and pushed his fingers against each other before placing his hands on the desk.  “Well I better go meet this Black Widow then, hadn’t I?”

Natalia had been sitting alone, chained to a desk in a room most of the morning.  Occasionally someone would come in and bring her water.  Once a couple of agents had sat down and talked to her about the mission.  She had answered honestly.  She had nothing to hide now.  She would give SHIELD everything they wanted if it meant she might finally get her own life.

The door opened and Nick entered.  She surveyed him.   He obviously liked to look menacing.  It worked to some extent.  The black leather trench coat was a nice touch, but not as nice as the eyepatch.  She assumed it was covering a damaged eye and not just for show.  Losing depth of field isn’t worth an intimidation factor.

He sat down across from the table to her and sat staring at her silently.  She didn’t speak, just sat calmly, not moving and waiting for him.  He picked up the file on the desk and flicked through it briefly before looking back to her.  “You’ve been very cooperative, Natalia.  Or would you prefer Natasha?  That’s what you go by here isn’t it?”

She sat and considered it.  Natasha Romanoff was the diminutive version of her name, but also an alias she’d used stateside.  Her head tilted as she thought and she nodded.  She wanted no part of that life she had been forced to lead.  Becoming Natasha Romanoff would be a good start to shaking it off.  “Natasha is fine.”

“So Miss Romanoff,”  He said immediately dismissing her request though still going with the anglicised version of her name.  “Why would you dismantle the KGB like that.”

“I assume you’ve heard of the Red Room.”  She answered.

“Of course.  It’s a training program.  They create the most elite spies and assassins out of Russia.  It’s the program you came through, correct?”  Fury answered.

Natasha snorted.  “It is no mere training program.  I wonder, Director Fury, do you know what it’s like to be dismantled and rebuilt into something you never wanted to be?”  She said but gave him no time to answer.  “The Red Room takes little girls and trains them to be cold-blooded killers.  They take them and beat every ounce of humanity from them.  Until they are no longer girls, but machines who only know two things.  Pain and death.  I hate them.  I hate them for what they did to me.  For what they made me do.  I would personally kill every single person who is responsible for that academy and I wouldn’t even blink an eye.”

Fury said nothing for a moment, he just looked at coldly her with that one dark eye.  “That was a very nicely rehearsed speech, Miss Romanoff.”

“You think that’s what that was?”  Natasha snarled.  “You obviously have no idea what I’ve been through.  What I’ve seen.  I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  Not even you, Director.”

“So what do you want here?  What was the end game you saw for yourself?”   Fury asked.

Natasha sat back in the chair and shrugged.  “I thought I would be killed in the shootout, and I’d take as many of them with me as I could.  Your archer made sure that I made it out.  The plan never made it this far.”

Fury sat back and tented his fingers in front of him.  “You do face spending the rest of your life in prison, you know that?  This doesn’t erase what you’ve done.”

Natasha let out a derisive laugh.  “You think I don’t know that?  Prison isn’t good enough for me.  Dying in that firefight would have been a blessing I didn’t deserve.  I will be living with the things I have done for the rest of my life and I doubt I will ever erase that red from my ledger no matter what I do to try.”

“Is that what you want?”  Fury asked.  “A chance to erase the red?”

“Yes,”  Natasha said without hesitation.  “If I could make up for the things I have done, I would do it in a heartbeat.  You tell me what I need to do to erase all that red and I will do it no questions asked.”

The desperation in her voice was evident.  It cracked through the cold veneer of the spy they made her and the sight of the little girl they’d broken down to make her was poking out.  Fury opened the file and looked it over again.  “I’ll give you this chance.  You’ll be watched closely, to begin with.  Prove yourself and we’ll trust you.”

Natasha blinked at him.  “That’s it?  Just like that?”

“That’s it.  I’ll find a mission for you.  You can go with Barton.  See what happens.”  He said getting up.  “This is your chance though, Natasha.  Don’t ruin it.”

She gave a curt nod and he put his hand on her shoulder.  She looked up at him and at that moment, Nick Fury didn’t look menacing at all.


	7. 3.3 Another Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people who aren’t great at relationships figure out a way to make one work.

The dozen or so missions Fury watched Natasha like a hawk.  He was either right by her side or he had extra eyes on her.  She knew.  She didn’t care.  She would prove herself to him even if it took her entire life.  She would work to erase the red from her ledger.

Each mission brought her closer to the man who had put his trust in her.  Even as he was learning to trust her, she began to trust him completely.  He cared about her wellbeing.  He checked in on her, making sure she had eaten.  That she was taking care of herself.  She had never had a father, but she imagined this might be the closest she’d ever get to know what having one was like.

Fury wasn’t the only one she was drawing closer to.  She and Clint were quickly becoming inseparable.  On missions, they worked together perfectly.  He was an idiot.  She would never argue that point.  In fact, if you said otherwise she had a very long list of exactly how Clinton Francis Barton was a complete idiot.  In a lot of ways, that complete disregard for his own safety and any sort of convention worked as a perfect counter to the craft that she had perfected.

Working together became hanging out at home.  He was a slob who seemed to run on coffee and pizza and looking up youtube videos of puppies, but she was growing to realize that this complete doofus was her best friend.

Spending time with Clint meant spending time with Hill and Coulson too.  Not that she minded she liked them too.  All her life she had been raised to be a spy and a killer.  She never knew a family.  She just knew her job.  Yet here she was in a whole new country, with a new job and finally people she thought of as family.

She just wished she could work out what was with them.

There was something going on.  She could tell that.  She had been raised to use her sexuality as a weapon but her understanding was that normal people paired up and at least pretended to be monogamous.  Clint, Maria, and Phil seemed to date other people, come home to each other, switch, go altogether, she couldn’t quite get her head around it.  Sometimes she would think they weren’t sleeping together at all and then she’d show up to pick Clint up for work and Phil or Maria would come out of his bathroom in a towel.

> _Art by[ Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa)_

“What is it?  You’re gonna have to tell me because I feel like I’m going crazy.”  She complained, falling back against the couch, a beer in her hand.

Clint looked at her and quirked an eyebrow.  “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about, Nat.”

“You, Coulson and Hill.  What is it?  What is it?  I seriously…”  She ran her hand through her hair and shook her head.  “Like if it was once I’d write it off as you fucking up because, well you’re you.”

“Hey!  You gonna insult me in my own home?”  Cint said feigning shock.

“What is it?  Tell me!”  She said, falling forward so her head was resting on his chest.

He awkwardly patted her back.  “Complicated.  It’s complicated is what it is.”

She looked up into his blue eyes and spiked his hair up.  “I’m listening.”

He sighed and took her beer out of her hand and took a long drink.  “So,”  He rubbed his eye with the ball of his hand and sighed again.  “SHIELD and … you know… work… I can’t do the… But Phil is great… Maria…”

Natasha put her hands on his shoulders and shook him.  “Words.  Use your words.”

He let out a huff.  “Hill and Coulson are like my best friends.  Next to you.  But this job, it makes anything else impossible.  Even if a normal, not complete fuck up, could make a relationship - like a real monogamous relationship - work.  I am a complete fuck up.  So, I dunno. One day the three of us did have one of those mistakes and then we kinda liked it.  So that’s just what we do.  We’ll still date sometimes. Or hook up.  But we’re like water circling a drain and we keep coming back to each other.”

Natasha looked at him with her brows knitted trying to absorb what he just said.  “Can people really do that?”

“Do what?  Have sex?  Didn’t they teach you about the birds and the bees yet, Natasha?”  Clint teased patting Natasha on the top of the head.

She scowled at him and batted his hand away.  “I meant, just… friends.  Like that.  Isn’t that frowned upon?”

“Like I know what you can and can’t do.  I can barely keep my own shit together.  But I know this works for me.  Maybe it won’t always.  But those guys.  I love ‘em.”  Clint said with a shrug.  “They’re the closest I’ve had to a family for a long time.”

Natasha surveyed him, her eyes flicking up and down his body.  For her sex had always been a weapon.  She didn’t know how you even started having a normal relationship with someone.  She’d never had sex with a person just because she wanted to.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”  Clint asked furrowing his brow.  “I know it’s weird okay.  That’s why we never told you.”

She shook her head.  “No, it’s not that.”

“Then what?”  Clint asked backing up a little.  Natasha bit her bottom lip and raised her eyebrows at him.  “Oh… Oh okay.  Really?”

Natasha answered by bringing her lips to his.  He started for a moment, before melting into it completely.  He sort of hovered his hands behind her not sure what to do with them and she took control, pushing him back against the couch and pushing her hands up under his shirt and over his stomach.  His cock stirred under her and she rocked her hips against it.  She moved, kissing along his jaw and down his neck.

“Nat.  Nat.  Nat, Nat, Nat.”  Clint jabbered, still not putting his hands on her.  “You’re sure, Nat?”

Nat sucked a patch on his neck and grabbed his hands pinning them above his head with one hand.  “Do you not want this?”  She purred, as she deftly unbuckled his pants with her free hand.

He bucked up under her hand, his cock beginning to strain against his pants.  “Nat.  I think I’m a little bit in love with you and I really want it.  But … you … and … stuff …”   He babbled.

Her hand slipped into his pants and she wrapped it around his cock.  “I want it, Clint.  I want the thing you have with Maria and Phil.  I want to be with people I like and I want to enjoy it.  I want you.”

Clint moaned and bucked against her again and she tightened her grip as she slowly pumped his cock.  He hadn’t tried to move his hands from her grip at all and she looked down at him, licking her lips.  “You want this don’t you, Clint?”  She purred.

“Yes.  Yes, Nat.”  He whimpered.  “I want it.  Please.”

She ran her fingers up the length of his cock and over the slit of his dick.  A tendril of precome stuck to her fingertip.  She ran it over her bottom lip before sucking the salty, sticky liquid off.  Clint let out a choked moan and his hands started opening and closing.

“You like being a good boy, little bird?”  She said.

Clint nodded.  “Uh huh.  Yes.”

She let his hands go and slipped from his lap.  “Bedroom.”  She said.

Clint scrambled to his feet and almost dashed into the bedroom.  Natasha strolled behind him stripping off her clothes and just dropping them to the floor.  She stood in the bedroom door, leaning on the door jam, hip cocked to the side in just her bra and panties, her arms crossed.  Clint looked at her with lust blown eyes and cleared his throat.

“You’re wearing too many clothes for this,”  Natasha said.

Clint nodded enthusiastically and started stripping his clothes off.  He hopped on one leg as he tugged his pants off and nearly fell on his face.  He threw each item of clothing aside one by one until he was standing before her naked, his cock hard and twitching.

Natasha dropped her hands and sauntered over to him.  She put her finger on his shoulder and guided him back to the bed.  He complied immediately letting himself get pushed so he was sitting on the edge.  Natasha unhooked her bra and tossed it aside.

Clint swallowed hard as he looked up at her.  “Fuck, you’re beautiful,”  he said, his voice already sounding raspy.

Natasha took his hands and put them on her hips.  He closed them against her, running his thumb over the bullet wound scar for a second.  He couldn’t take his eyes off hers and he swallowed again.   She ran her hand through his hair and he pulled her against him suddenly, his mouth latching on to a breast and his arms wrapping around her back.

Natasha let out a soft moan as she rocked her hips against his cock, her panties were becoming wet as her arousal started to seep from within her, coaxed out further by the head of Clint’s cock rubbing the fabric of her panties against her clit.

She pushed him back and worked her panties down.  When she slid them off she grabbed Clint’s wrist and twisted her panties around it.  She then threaded them through the bars of the headboard and bound Clint’s other wrist too.

“Fuck, Nat.”  He gasped.

“You want a safe word?”  She asked.

He shook his head.

“Okay, just stop or no it is.”  She whispered before straddling his face.  He moaned and ran his flattened tongue up the length of her pussy.

It sent a shiver through her and she hummed.  She loved the way he looked at her and responded to her.  It was her he wanted.  Not just her body and she had never had that before.  He moved his mouth against her like he was a starving man at a buffet.  He wanted to taste all of her and made pleased little sounds as her fluids filled his mouth.   She could tell he wanted her to feel good.  When her muscles tensed or she gasped or moaned, he’d focus on the thing he did, trying to elicit the response again.

The fact she could tell he wanted that, made her enjoy it more.  She relaxed.  Turned off her guard and just enjoyed the way her body responded to him.  She groaned and leaned forward as a shiver ran up her spine.  Clint’s tongue swirled around her clit and he sucked it into his mouth.  Nat walked her hands down his stomach and teased them over his thighs.  He groaned and his cock jumped and leaked precum in a thin thread that dripped onto his stomach.  Nat wrapped her hand around it again and began to run her fist up and down his shaft.

Clint’s hips jerked and for the first time, he snapped against his bonds.  His reaction affected her too.  She moaned and moved her hands faster and began rocking against his face.  A buzz had crept out from her cunt and was now pressing down on her core.  Her legs began to tremble but she was having trouble releasing that last bit of control that would allow her orgasm to break.

Clint doubled down his efforts.  He nipped at her clit and stroked his tongue over it in long deliberate swipes.  Natasha’s body seized up and she came, crying out and digging her fingers into Clint’s thighs.

She took a moment to catch her breath as Clint continued to lap up her cunt, drinking her up.  Finally, she moved, spinning around and straddling his lap.  She rolled her hips so her pussy slid up and down the length of his cock.

“Oh god, Nat.  Please.  Feels so good.  Wanna watch you come.”  Clint groaned, rutting up against her, his hands grasping at the headboard.

Natasha hummed.  “That sounds good, little bird.”  She cooed.  “Condoms?”

“The drawer.”  He said indicating to his bedside table with his head.

She reached over and rooted around in the drawer, pulling one out and tearing it open with her teeth.  She rolled the condom in place and guided his cock deep into her.  They both groaned and their heads fell back, lips parted and eyes closed as Natasha adjusted to him.

Natasha started to move.

She rocked her hips, adding a swirl to them each time she moved up and down his cock.  She moved quickly, her breasts bouncing as she did.  Clint’s eyes never left her, even as he began to lose all control.  The way he looked at her was like no man has ever looked at her before.  There was lust definitely.  He wanted her.  There was no doubt about it.  There was more though.  Respect and adoration.  He loved her.  Even if it wasn’t a romantic love, he loved her.

She groaned and leaned in kissing him hungrily.  She could still taste the tartness of her pussy on his lips and she ran her tongue all over them to taste it better.

The room filled with their sounds of moans and whimpers.  She brought her fingers to her clit as Clint’s dick began to twitch inside her.  Her orgasm broke, crashing down on her.  She arched back crying out as her body quaked with it.  It dragged Clint over with it and he jerked up and released inside her.

Natasha slowly rolled her hips as the last of their orgasms passed through them.  She slipped from him and unhooked his hands.

“How are you doing?  You need anything?”  She asked as he rubbed his wrists.

He smiled and removed the condom, tying it off and tossing it in his wastebasket.  “No, just you.”

Natasha curled up against him and he wrapped her in his arms.  He pressed his lips to the top of her head as he held her close to him.  “You’re my best friend, Nat.  I hope you know that.”  He said softly.

Natasha didn’t reply she just nuzzled up under his chin for the first time ever actually feeling safe.


	8. 4.1 The Billionaire Playboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark plans what he believes to be his party for his very last birthday.

Tony was dying.  Which quite frankly sucked considering it had only just felt like he’d started living his own life.  Not to mention, he finally had this woman right in his reach that he really thought he could honestly love.  Maybe he did already.  It was a little hard to isolate that particular emotion for him.  He knew he loved Rhodey.  That was pretty clear early on and if the guy wasn’t painfully straight, maybe he could have really stuck it to dad by bringing home his black boyfriend.  Then as soon as gay marriage was legalized in Massachusetts they could have hopped on a jet and maybe right now, he would actually be happy and he wouldn’t have been tortured because he wouldn’t have felt like punishing Rhodey that day.

Those weren’t the cards he was dealt though.  Instead, here he was just turning his life around and the very thing he’d created to save his life was slowly killing him.  The Russian who came to kill him was a nice little distraction really.  Something to keep his mind on literally everything else that was falling apart around him.

So, the positives were.  Stark Industries was in good hands.  He didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  Pepper wouldn’t let them go back to weapons manufacturing.  He knew that.  His legacy was safe with her.

And… that was it.  That was the positive.  The list of negatives was longer.

He didn’t have the girl.  Not really.  It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to tell her.  It’s just that even though he could talk and talk and talk and talk.  When there were important words they wouldn’t come and no one seemed to be able to read him.  So they were dancing around each other and never actually doing anything about it.  She still thought he was a fuck up.  Which okay, maybe there was truth to that but he was trying to get it together.  What was the point though when you were getting rapidly poisoned by something you needed to survive?

His whole fucking life was built on some lie and it turned out good old dad was stealing ideas from some Russian and now his son was out to destroy him.

Justin Hammer of all people was being a royal pain in the ass.  Not a major concern sure, but he just seemed to always be there at the moment like a fly buzzing around your head.

Rhodey seemed to think he should hand over the Iron Man technology to the military.  He just couldn’t.  He couldn’t.  It was him.  It was part of who he was now.  More than that though.  He didn’t trust them.  Not after he had seen his own name written on devices that had been sent to kill him and worse, actual innocent people.  They couldn’t have it.  They could pry it from his cold dead hands.

Which would be happening much sooner than he liked to be honest.  The way it was going he wasn’t making it to the end of the year.  Not by a long shot.

Now the question was; is losing someone you love worse or was it better if you just thought they were an asshole?  Being an asshole wasn’t exactly hard for him.  He could easily just slip back into that.  It wasn’t as if he deserved to have them around anyway.

He straightened his tie.  Well, it was his birthday.  Not too many people knew they were about to have their last birthday.  So that was a positive too he guessed.  He picked up the glass of whiskey on the dresser and drained it, relishing the strong burn as it went down and headed out into the party.


	9. 4.2: The Billionaire Playboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is sent to keep an eye on Tony Stark. She does something she later regrets.

Natasha had been flirting heavily with Tony all night.  There was nothing she hated more than being Natalie Rushman.  She much preferred a more active mission.  Her and Clint side by side fighting off waves of enemy agents.  Her and Maria sneaking into high-security buildings and hacking their systems.  Natalie Rushman was boring.  Having to do admin work was boring even when you were rifling through the companies data for Intel.  Most of their data was boring anyway.

Also, Natalie Rushman wore dresses.  All the time.  It was annoying.

Nick had been right about Tony though.  He liked an intelligent redhead.  He had been hanging off her all night.  She’d even managed to get him to show her how the repulsor in the gauntlets worked.  The fact Pepper Potts had chosen to arrive at that time was unfortunate.  It wasn’t going to help gain her trust.

Natasha felt bad for her really.  She obviously cared for Tony Stark.  It was pretty clear there was something mutual to it too, but sometimes it was hard for Natasha to tell romantic feelings from friendship mixed with a sexual desire.  She assumed it couldn’t have been too serious though, given he had responded to every small flirtation she made, so she wasn’t going to force herself to feel too bad about it.

“How about we go down to my lab and put this away?”  Tony asked leaning in towards her and running his fingers over the iron gauntlet.  He was so drunk already, his breath was hot and reeked of it.  “You can take a look at the rest of the suits if you like.”

“Oh, I would love that, Mr. Stark,”  Natasha replied, dipping into the slight fangirl part of Natalie’s persona.  She tended to avoid it most of the time.  Tony preferred the highly educated, ass kicker better.  Drunk Tony, however, seemed to want to be fawned over.

Tony offered her his elbow and she hooked her arm around it, still clad in the iron gauntlet and let him lead her downstairs.

The lights all turned on in the lab as they entered and several computer screens and holographic projections lit up.  There were parts for iron suits littered around the place and a few full suits on stands at the side of the room.  Natasha let Tony remove the gauntlet as she glanced around and absorbed as much as she could so she could relay it on to Fury.

A couple of bots seems to move around the room and when the gauntlet was off Tony placed it on the bench and patted one on the head as he followed Natasha to the suits.

“How did you learn to fly them?”  She asked as she looked them over.

Tony wrapped an arm around her waist and ghosted his lips along the side of her throat.  “Trial and error.”

She turned in his arms and he leaned into her more.  She had a decision to make.  There was never any talk about her using sex on this mission.  In general, she got the feeling that no one was completely comfortable with her doing that in the first place.  It was, however, how she was trained.  This mission had never been prepped for it.  Yet here now without even trying she had the option.

She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t curious about what it would be like.  The man had a reputation.  It might be interesting to see if he lived up to it.

Besides, it would be a lot easier to get a look at that ARC reactor.

She started to toy with his tie, very gradually working it down.  Tony was so close she could feel his breath teasing her jaw.  “That’s really something, Tony.”

His hands traveled up her sides and around her back and she leaned into him, pushing her breasts out and enticing him to do more.  She could tell he was just testing the water and waiting for her to initiate properly.  She just wasn’t there yet.

“Well, they don’t call me a genius for nothing.”  He said.

She pulled off his tie and hung it around her shoulders before beginning to unbutton his shirt, exposing the ARC reactor.  It sat in the middle of his chest and glowed blue.  Natasha’s eyes moved over it, studying it closely.  She traced her finger over the surface of the device.  “Does it work on fusion?”

“That’s the basis for it.”  He replied, studying her as she studied it.

“There’s no way for it to cool though.”  She said.

“It doesn’t create heat.”  He said simply, unzipping her dress.  He pushed the straps of her dress down her arms and she shimmied out of it, kicking it away from her and reaching for his belt buckle.

“Then how does it work.”  She asked as she worked his pants open.

He grabbed her hips and spun her placing her on the workbench, she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in tight against her.  “That is the multibillion-dollar question, Natalie.  And even with your law degree, I doubt you’d understand.”

She gave him a half smile and grazed her teeth over her bottom lip before leaning in and kissing him.  She felt him relax against her even as he returned the kiss in the sloppy, hungry way only really drunk people can.

His mouth traveled down her neck and she ran her fingers on the dark, artificial lines that crisscrossed his chest running out from the reactor.  “What are these?”  She whispered.

“Small side effect, nothing to worry about.”  He said, without even raising his head.  He kissed down lower, skimming along the edge of her bra before biting at her nipple through it.  She moaned and wracked her brains about what the side effect could possibly be.  She tried to focus, as he moved lower kissing her stomach and pulling her panties down.  She spread her legs and put them on his shoulders.  Her thoughts flicked through possibilities, stress on his skin causing an odd bruising pattern.  Something to do with the way his blood was now pumping through his body.  An allergic reaction to the alloys in the housing.

All thoughts were abruptly knocked from her mind when he placed a large open-mouthed kiss on her pussy.  He moaned and her cunt flooded.  Tony let out a low groan and lapped his tongue around, pushing it inside her so he could taste her from the source.  Natasha closed her eyes and tangled Tony’s hair in her hands.  It was crunchy with product but she didn’t care.  All that mattered was the way he expertly worked his tongue on her.

Natasha started to rock her hips on his face and when she did, Tony made a pleased whimpering sound. She pulled his hair and he moaned deeply.  It made her wetter for him.  She dripped and even as he drank her arousal it began to run down her leg.  She let her head fall back, her red curls cascading down behind her.  She hummed lowly which changed to a loud cry as Tony thrust two fingers deep inside of her and bit down on her clit.

Tony’s experience showed with every expert flick of his tongue and twist of his wrist.  His fingers began dragging over her g-spot almost immediately and he sucked and nipped at her clit just hard enough and in such a pattern that is sent waves of electricity surging through her.  Her body shuddered and she started to lose the control she was trying so hard to hold on to.  Tony twisted his hand, curling his fingers just at the right time so his knuckles dug into her g-sport hard.  She jerked back and came hard, gushing.  Her vision went black for a moment and lights popped behind her eyes as she came harder than she had ever come before.

She sat on the table trembling a little as Tony stood up looking a little smug and ran his hands up her legs.  “You okay?”  He asked.

She shook her head trying to clear it of the endorphin high she was experiencing.  She felt foggy and not quite there.  “Uh huh.  I ruined your suit.”

“I’ve got others.”  He said helping her down from the bench.  She stood looking at him for a moment and shoved him back on a chair.  It rolled away from her and Tony started giggling.  He took his wallet out and fished a condom from it.  He watched Natasha stalk over to him, condom packet between his teeth and stroking his cock.  As she straddled his lap he rolled the condom into place and then let her guide him inside of her as she settled down into place.

She started to ride him.  Bouncing in his lap as she looked down into the brown of his eyes.  He put his hands on her hips and she took them, pinning them behind his back.  He let out a low rumble and his head fell back.  She leaned down and sucked at a patch of skin on his throat.  Hard, but not enough to mark.  The rumble turned into a moan and he bucked up into her.  She moved faster, bouncing on his cock, squeezing it with her cunt.  Tony looked up at her and whimpered.  “Wanna touch, please.”

She let his hands go and smiled darkly at him.  “Good boy, asking so nicely.”  She purred.

He put one hand on her breast and nuzzled between them, the other went to her pussy and he started rubbing her clit.  She moaned her pussy now so sensitive that she was already right on the precipice of climax again.  He rutted up into her and he pinched her clit and she came again.  “Oh fuck, Tony!”

He was dragged along with her and in three more thrusts, he spilled with a grunt.  Natasha leaned down and ran her tongue up his chest.  There was a metallic taste mixed into the salt of his skin. She sat back slipping off his dick and looked at him with her head tilted, her mind suddenly racing.

“What?”  He asked as he pulled the condom free and tossed it in the trash.

“Palladium.  It’s palladium poisoning.”  She said.  

Tony stared at her speechless.  His mind dull and foggy from the amount of alcohol in his blood.  “How?”  He muttered.

“How long, Stark?”  Natasha asked running her fingers through his hair.

He shook his head.  “Not long.  Trying to find something else but, I can’t.  I can’t.  Couple of months maybe.”

“Does Pepper know?”

Tony shook his head.  “No.  She can’t.  Please don’t tell her.  I … oh god what am I doing?”  He looked on the verge of tears and Natasha hugged him stroking his hair.  “I love her.  I love her and look at me.”

“It’s okay.  Shh… it’s okay.  We’ll work it out.  She won’t have to know.”  She whispered.

“I’ll know.  I’ll know what I did.”  He sobbed.  “I’m sorry Natalie.  I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have used you like this.”

Natasha felt a stabbing pain in her chest.  Guilt.  Real honest to god guilt for what she had just done.  She stood up and gathered up her clothes.  “Don’t worry.  Let’s … your suit.  We’ll change it.  She won’t know and you’re not gonna remember.  Trust me.”


	10. 5.1: Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, Natasha, and Maria try and work through their emotions after the Battle for New York and the loss of Phil Coulson.

Clint limped into the room he was sharing with Natasha and Maria feeling much, much older than he was.  Fury hadn’t even gone with the pretense they weren’t, whatever the hell they were.  The three of them had managed to keep it together for the battle against Loki.  They had done their job.  Now they were free to fall apart in private.

It wasn’t as if there was a lot of choice of places to stay.  New York was in chaos.  Clean up teams had already started collecting things up and it was impossible to know if any of them were even sanctioned.  Clint didn’t care.  If people wanted to hoard alien body parts they could take as many as they wanted.  All he cared about was Loki was in custody and he was free to finally just collapse.  So one of the officers quarters of the Helicarrier it was.  Not exactly the five star Hilton, but it did have a bed that would fit them all, even if it was a crush.  And a shower.  Clint thought about that shower with such a deep longing he began to wonder if he could move into it permanently.

“Nat?”  He called as he kicked the door closed behind him.  “Maria?”

“In here,”  Natasha called back.  Her voice sounding echoey from within the bathroom.

Clint started stripping his clothes and leaving them in a trail behind him.  At this point, he didn’t even care what Natasha and Maria were doing in there.  He couldn’t hear the shower running, so they would just have to watch him shower.

When he opened the door he found them in a bathtub, Maria curled into Natasha, her eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks stained with tears.  Natasha was more stoic.  She had a slight frown and seemed to be worrying the inside of her cheek.  Both were covered in cuts and bruises.  Natasha more than Maria.  Though neither matched the heavy array that covered Clint.  On the edge of the small tub was a bottle of vodka that was a third empty and a bottle of red wine that only had about a third left.

“There’s a bath?  What the hell quarters are these?”  Clint asked, sitting on the edge and putting his hand in the water.  It was tepid but even with the unpleasant temperature and lack of space he still was sorely tempted to squeeze in.  He wanted to be with them.  To be pressed together holding them and having them hold him.  He hadn’t got to see Phil’s body, it had already been taken away.  Clint didn’t know the right way to mourn.  He’d loved Phil.  He’d known that. It just wasn’t in the way you were supposed to love someone.  Too much to be just friends, not enough to be boyfriends.  Was it okay to weep openly for someone you couldn’t admit you were in a relationship with?  Or was this even a relationship?   Could he weep openly if it was allowed?  Clint had closed himself off from so many emotions when he allowed himself to feel them it felt like they would crush him and he barely had the strength to get out of bed.

“Think Fury took pity on us.  This is one of the rooms for the staff of visiting dignitaries.”  Maria replied.  Her voice was hoarse from crying and Clint felt helpless to do anything.  He’d never seen her anything but completely cool, calm, and collected.  Seeing her grieving like this made him want to hold her and comfort her, fall apart completely with her, and run, all at once.

Natasha looked up at him and furrowed her brow before taking a large swig from the bottle of vodka. “You going to get in?”  She asked.

“Is there enough room?”  Clint asked, swishing the water with his palm.

“We can make room,”  Natasha replied.  She let the plug out and turned the hot water faucet on.  It filled a little faster than it drained, and Clint swished the water around the bath so that it would heat a little more consistently.

When the water was steaming, Natasha switched the faucet back off and let a large amount of the water drain out before plugging it and scooting back with Maria.  Clint eased himself in, wincing as the hot water touched his cuts and scrapes.  He wasn’t sure what to do with his legs.  The question was soon answered when both women shifted so they were lying down.  Each partially straddling one leg and resting against his chest.  It didn’t do much for the three cracked ribs he had.  It did feel good though.  Holding them.  Having their arms around his side and resting on each other.  The comforting weight of their bodies.  Even the pain from his ribs was at least something he could focus on other than the dark void of grief he was feeling.

“What are we gonna do without him?”  Maria asked picking up the wine bottle.  She held it in front of her mouth and shook her head.  “He was the together one.  The rest of us barely make one fully functioning adult.”  She lifted the bottle to her lips and drank deeply.

“I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I was sure I’d be the first.  You’ve met me right?”  Clint said.  “Nothing’s gonna be the same.  I should have told him I loved him.  I did.  Why couldn’t I say it?”

“Love is for children,”  Natasha said, though she didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“I can’t… I can’t believe this.  And now Loki gets to just go home?  After everything he did?”  Maria seethed.  “First you and then Phil and then the city and what?  Naughty Loki.  Don’t misbehave.”

Clint sighed and rested his cheek on the top of Maria’s head.  “I want him to pay more than anyone but Thor said…”

“Thor said?”  Maria snapped.  “Thor said!  Loki should be tried here on Earth where he tried to kill us all.”

“And what?  How do you execute a god?”  Natasha asked.

Maria let out a huff and closed her eyes.  “Be fun to try.”

Clint shook his head.  “That’s not you, Hill.  It’s not me either.”

“It’s a little bit me. I’d do it.”  Natasha interjected.

Clint made a sound that was half laugh and half sigh.  “Yeah but most of all it wasn’t Phil.  Let Thor take care of it.  Let’s just… take care of us.  There’s … the others too.  I dunno.  Everyone’s a mess.”

Natasha looked up at him.  “You’re talking about Steve, right?”

Clint nodded.  “Yeah.  For a start.”


	11. 5.2: Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds Tony drunk in the ruined part of the Party Deck. The two of them share a bed in the hopes that they can get some sleep.

Steve wandered aimlessly through Stark Tower sometimes assessing the damage but not for any real reason.  It’s not like his opinion of the matter really meant anything.  Tony Stark had much better-qualified people than him to start cleaning this mess up.  Wandering aimlessly was what he did these days though.  He wasn’t even sure why he was still in the tower except that SHIELD’s headquarters in downtown had been flattened in the attack and that’s where he’d been staying for the whole two weeks he’d been awake in this godforsaken future.

The battle had almost been a relief.  He knew war.  He had thought he was done with it.  That he could stop being Captain America.  He had made a terrible mistake crashing the plane into the ocean.  He would have had to continue being Captain America but at least he wouldn’t be alone.  Here, in this new world, he was alone and out of touch.  At least the fight, as weird as it had been, was familiar and for one brief moment he had people, that maybe he couldn’t trust totally, but they were on his side.

Now he was alone again and in the building owned by the most antagonistic man he’d ever met.  He was familiar though.  He wondered if he’d hadn’t frozen would he have watched Tony grow up?  Would Tony had turned out different because Howard hadn’t been so obsessed with finding him? Would he and Peggy have ended up having kids of their own and they’d all have grown up together?

His wanderings brought him to the party deck, the floor that had received the most damage.  The outline of the A, the only remaining letter from the Stark branding could be seen through the blown-out window.  The night air was cold and blowing through the damaged space hard.  Steve shivered and zipped his jacket up.  He was about to leave when he spotted Tony drinking at the bar alone.

“Tony?  What are you doing here?”  Steve asked approaching him.

Tony looked up with red-rimmed eyes, he was drunk.  Probably so drunk that he wasn’t feeling the cold.  Steve furrowed his brow in concern.  “Cap!” Tony slurred.  “Join me for a drink.”

“I think you might have had enough.  It’s late.  Why don’t I get you to bed?”  Steve said, putting his hand on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony looked at the large hand on his shoulder and then up at Steve before shrugging it off.  “Can’t sleep.  Things to do… and then there’s…”  He pointed vaguely up and waved his hand around.

“You stopped that, Tony.  You saved us from that.  You can sleep now.”  Steve said gently.

Tony shook his head.  “Did I?  Did I really?”

Steve’s hand returned to Tony’s shoulder and he guided him to his feet.  Tony didn’t resist but he did pick the glass of whiskey from the bar and drained it.  “Come on,”  Steve said.  “You need sleep.  We both do.”

Tony moved passively before him as Steve guided him to the elevator.  He was just wondering what floor he should select when the elevator began moving on its own.  Like he was sensing Steve’s confusion JARVIS spoke up.  “Taking you to an undamaged floor with a suitable bedroom, Captain Rogers.”

The elevator stopped and Steve guided Tony out and down the hall.  He checked a door and it opened into what looked like an apartment that had been decorated for an open house but that no one actually lived in.  Everything was sleek and stylish but there was nothing personal about the place.  The window overlooked midtown and the lights of the cleanup crews reflected on the ceiling.

They made their way down a short hallway to a bedroom that was equally stylish and impersonal.  A king-sized bed dressed in a navy blue and silver set of sheets and comforter sat in the middle of the room.  Tony sat down at the edge and looked up at Steve not even knowing what he wanted right now exactly, just knowing it was not to be alone anymore.  His mind flicked to Bruce Banner, who had looked pale and sick and had shrugged off his offer of company before focusing back on Steve.

Steve watched him for a moment not sure what to do.  “Tony.  You need to sleep.”

Tony’s hands went to his belt and he started to unfasten it.  Steve blushed, not even sure why he was and turned.  “I’ll leave you to it.”  He said and a hand shot out and grabbed his forearm.

“I - fuck - Can -”  Tony stuttered.  “Can you stay?  Just…”  He pointed vaguely at the roof again.

Steve nodded and started taking off his own clothes.  “Yeah.  I can do that.”  He agreed.  When he was down to his boxers and undershirt he climbed in under the covers.  Tony climbed in next to him, still wearing the Led Zeppelin t-shirt he’d fought in and a pair of boxers.  The glow of Tony’s arc reactor came through the comforter just enough so that with the curtains drawn the room wasn’t pitch black.

“Everything’s changed now hasn’t it?”  Tony asked.  “Things coming in from space.  What’s some crazy person with a bomb when there are aliens spewing out of the sky?  We gotta be ready for them if they do it again.”

Steve hummed.  “Yeah.  Well, hopefully, that’s an anomaly.  I don’t know anything about this world anymore.  I don’t know how to be ready for that.”

Tony turned his head and looked at him.  “Gotta get ready.  We’ll work it out.”

Steve sighed and looked up at the ceiling.  “Well not right now, Tony.  Now we try and sleep.”

Tony snorted.  “Yes, dad.”  He snarked.

“You’re really funny, I’m sure.”  Steve shot back.

Tony closed his eyes, a smile etched on his face and gradually sleep found him.


	12. 5.3: Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up with Steve the emotions of the previous day still weighing him down. He does something he immediately regrets.

Tony woke feeling a little foggy, he was pressed against - someone - they were large and running hot.  For a moment a terrifying image of the Hulk passed through his head and his eyes snapped open.  He breathed a sigh of relief as the high definition details of Steve’s gray undershirt came into focus.  Steve was still sleeping soundly.  His hand on Tony’s hip as his chest rose and fell.  His eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks and his eyes flickered behind their lids as he dreamed.

Tony quickly went over the events of yesterday.  Shawarma, followed by some of them being collected by Fury.  Followed by assessing the tower and finding somewhere for Banner to sleep.  Then drinking in the wreckage of the party deck.  Then… it got hazy.  Steve had come, taken him to bed and Tony had asked him to stay.

He let out a breath.  He wasn’t even sure if it was in relief or disappointment.  He figured he must have moved into Steve automatically while he was asleep.  He always did sleep better when there was someone else there.  It felt good against his chest.  Steve’s body was hard and had a comforting weight to it.  He felt safe listening to his heartbeat.  Tony gently traced his finger along Steve’s bicep.  The super soldier program had certainly achieved its best work all those years ago.

Steve stirred and slowly opened his eyes.  He looked down and Tony and smiled.  “Got kinda close in the night, didn’t we?”  His voice was low and gravely and it sent a shiver up Tony’s spine.  That in combination with the heat and closeness made Tony’s cock twitch.  Tony found Steve Rogers frustrating and a know it all, but there was a part of him that wanted the super soldier.

“Something like that.”  Tony answered.  “Still close.”

Steve pulled back.  “Sorry.  Still half asleep I guess.”

Tony’s hand slid over Steve’s chest.  “Didn’t say I didn’t like it, Cap.”

Steve looked down at Tony.  His blue eyes flicked over Tony’s face like he was studying him.  Looking for the trap where he was going to be made a joke of.  He had the same look on his face as women who thought they weren’t in Tony’s league when he hit on them.  Like they thought he was just messing with them and were waiting for the punchline.

Tony hesitated for a moment, knowing this was probably a huge mistake.  Definitely a huge mistake.  He made it anyway.  Bringing his lips to Steve’s.  There was a moment where Tony thought Steve would push him away but instead, his large arms closed around him and pulled their bodies closer together.  Tony teased his tongue over Steve’s upper lip and they parted giving Tony access to his mouth.

Tony groaned and began to rut against Steve.  This was bad.  So very, bad but he couldn’t stop.  Part of him was getting off on the mere thought of this being the Steve Rogers.  The guy his dad would never shut up about.  The guy Tony could never compete with.  That Steve Rogers was here, his body reacting so perfectly to Tony’s.  His cock hard and pressing into him.  His moans so deep and guttural.

Tony slipped his hand into Steve’s boxers and wrapped his hand around his cock. Steve groaned and rolled his hips forward.  He pumped it a few times.  It was long and thick and the thought of having it inside him, stretching and filling him as Steve fucked him.  He groaned and his own cock jumped in his boxers.

He broke his kiss, ready to ask for more when he realized this wasn’t his room.  This wasn’t anyone’s room.  It was one of the living quarters that was going to be available for Stark Industries scientists when they were relocating from elsewhere.  There was nothing in it aside from the furniture and linen.  Which meant no protection, no lube, nothing that could be used as a shitty replacement for either.

Tony furrowed his brow and started kissing down Steve’s neck and chest.  Steve groaned and arched back a little.  “Tony?”

His voice sounded so needy and so lost.  That one word bore the weight of everything Steve Rogers had carried since he woke up and Tony could feel it.  “It’s okay.  Let me take care of you.”  He said patting Steve’s hip and pulling his boxers down.

“You don’t…”  Steve began, but whatever Tony didn’t have to do what lost in a deep groan as Tony flattened his tongue and ran it up the length of Steve’s cock.  Tony looked up at him, there was something much more attractive about this slightly disheveled man with bed hair and overnight stubble than the perfect picture of Captain America that he had met just a couple of days ago.  The way he looked down at him, his pale blue eyes blown out with lust even more so.  Tony nipped at the edge of Steve’s foreskin and pumped his cock a few more times, pulling it back and sucking on the head of his cock.

Steve groaned and bucked his hips up pushing his cock deeper into Tony’s mouth.  Tony placed one hand on him to hold him down, knowing very well there was no chance he could, in reality, liking that that was the case even.  The other he used to roll Steve’s balls and run up and down his perineum.  Steve’s hands went to Tony’s hair, bunching it and guiding Tony’s head up and down his shaft.  He stayed gentle though, never pushing him too far down that Tony choked.

The giving over of control was what Tony loved though.  He moaned loudly rutting against the sheet and moved his hand from Steve’s hip digging it into his thigh, letting him know it was okay.  He could take it.  Steve grunted and began bucking his hips.  He held Tony in place as his cock was forced further and further down his throat.  He kept it slow, letting Tony get used to his size but held him still so all Tony could do was curl his tongue around Steve’s girth and take it.

When Steve’s cock hit the back of his throat he gagged, it made Steve moan and his head fell back.  “Fuck.  You take it so well.”  He rumbled continuing to move as Tony relaxed his throat.

Tony moaned around Steve’s dick watching his body respond to him.  He kept thrusting against the bed, the friction adding to the overall need he had made his cock jump and leak.  His balls had begun to tighten.  He kept sucking though, the salty taste of precome coated his tongue.  His fingers slipped down and teased Steve’s asshole, pressing on it but not entered.

Steve snapped his hips forward with a loud grunt and spilled down Tony’s throat he choked pulling back and put his hand down his pants stroking himself so that as Steve filled his throat, he filled his pants.

When Steve’s cock had stilled he released it and climbed up the bed lying flat on his back panting.  Steve rolled onto his side and looked at him.  “What was that?”

“What?  You’ve never had a blowjob before?”  Tony teased.

“Very funny, Tony.  You know what I mean.”  Steve snarked.

Tony traced a finger over Steve’s chest, outlining the defined shape of his pectoral muscle.  “I don’t know.  Felt good.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but was quickly silenced by JARVIS.  “Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Stark.  Ms. Potts is here.”

Tony scrambled out of bed looking around for his clothes.  “Fuck.  Shit.  Fuck.”  He cursed as he gathered them up.  “Need a shower.  Stall her for a minute.  Tell her I’m taking a shower in the penthouse.”

“I’m not so sure the penthouse is structurally sound, Mr. Stark,”  JARVIS replied.

“Fuck!  I need fresh clothes.”  He dragged his hand down his face.

“Ms. Potts appears to have arrived with several changes of clothes for you,”  JARVIS said.

Tony groaned, the urge to cry suddenly hit him.  How could he fuck up like this?  He loved her.  He thought when you loved someone you didn’t do this kind of thing.  “I - I … okay, apartment over.  I’m in the shower though.”

“Right away, Mister Stark,”  JARVIS replied.

Tony looked at Steve helplessly.   “Who’s Pepper?”  Steve asked.

“My girlfriend.  I’m so sorry.  I don’t know…  I don’t…”  He shook his head.  “I’m an asshole you know?  Just not normally like this I’m not.”

Steve shook his head.  “Go.  Don’t worry about it.  We’ll blame it on the life and death.  She doesn’t have to know.”

“I can’t lie to her,”  Tony said desperately.

Steve shrugged.  “You can tell her if you want.  But you and me.  Meant nothing.  I get it.”

Tony hesitated, he didn’t want that either.  He wanted somehow for them all to be okay with this, regardless of how unrealistic that might be.  “That’s not…”

“Just go, Tony or she’s gonna catch you in my room in the state you’re in and if you think the two of you can recover from that then be my guest,”  Steve said.  The tone of his voice was of a man who had had this happen before and the weight of his betrayal doubled.

“Sorry,”  He whispered and ran from the room.


	13. 5.4: Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint attend Phil’s funeral. They discuss the way their relationship has changed now and where they are going in the future.

Natasha had sat alone in the chapel as Phil’s casket had been brought in.  Clint and Nick were serving as pallbearers and for some reason yesterday Maria had pulled away from her and Clint.  That had hurt more than the Phil thing.  At least Phil hadn’t made a conscious decision to leave her.  Maria woke up one morning.  Went to a meeting.  Came back and decided this wasn’t working for her anymore.  She grabbed the things she’d been keeping in the room they were sharing and moved them to her own room.  Since then, Maria barely looked Clint or Natasha in the eye.

When Clint came and sat beside Natasha after setting the coffin on the plinth he had wrapped his arms around her.  Despite being the small one, Natasha had never really felt like the small one before.  Clint was softer than she was.  Needier than she was.  Closer to his emotions than she was.  She wanted to be strong now, to hold Clint who was hurting too.  Possibly even more than her because he’d known both Phil and Maria for longer.  They’d had stronger bonds with each other, built over a longer period of time.

Yet, as soon as those toned arms curled around her she collapsed.  They had been her family.  The only real family she had known and one had died and the other had rejected her.  She couldn’t cry though.  At the graveside, as they filled the ground with dirt she began to wonder if she even could any more.  Clint stood beside her, tears running down his cheeks and standing stoically.  Yet Natasha could barely hold herself up and her eyes were dry.

They held a wake at one of the bars in Brooklyn where the invasion hadn’t reached.  Clint and Natasha sat alone.  A few times others had tried to interact.  The Avengers had all wanted to talk.  Nick had tried engaging them.  Sharon Carter had dropped by in a large black hat and dark glasses looking a little like Jackie Onassis so that Steve wouldn’t recognize her because she had just been given the duty of keeping watch on him.  Normally they both tried hitting on her when they saw Sharon.  This time they just thanked her for her condolences and huddled closer together.

“Thor’s taking Loki back to Asgard tomorrow,”  Clint said, his voice coming out in monotone.

“Good.  He can rot for millennia.”  Natasha snarled.

“Then what?”  Clint asked.

“What do you mean?  With Loki?”  Natasha asked.

Clint shook his head.  “No.  With us.  What do we do?”

“Go back to DC I guess.  Get back to work.”  Natasha said.

Clint gave a small nod.  “It’s gonna be weird him not being around anymore.  And Hill ignoring us.”

Natasha curled into him wrapping her arm around his waist.  “Fury offered a job to Steve.  He’s gonna be alone.”

“Guy’s already pretty alone.  That’s what Sharon’s for right?”  Clint asked looking over at Steve who was talking with Thor at the bar.

Natasha followed Clint’s gaze.  “Shouldn’t just have a friend who’s paid to stalk him.  Maybe we can be his friend.”  She said with half a shrug.

Clint drained the last of his beer and dragged his hand down his face.  “You wanna adopt Cap?”

“Yeah, something like that.”  Natasha agreed.

There was another moment as Clint looked Steve over.  He looked so out of place in the suit that looked borrowed and was too short on the arms and his hair in that swept over 1940s good boy thing he had going on.  He smiled at Thor but his gaze kept flicking over to Tony and for a moment Clint wondered what that was about exactly.  Clint took a deep breath in and pressed his lips to Natasha’s head.  “Phil would have wanted us to right?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  He would have been telling us we had to.  Making Steve feel weird.”

Clint chuckled.  “He was such a fanboy.  I never got used to that.  The guy can just go in and boss Thor around but gets all giggly about Captain America.”

Natasha put her hand in her pocket and touched the edge of the Captain America trading card she had taken from the pile Fury had thrown on the table.  “Yeah.  I guess he grew up on the stories.”

“Alright.”  Clint agreed.  “If he comes to DC he’s ours.  We’ll make sure he’s not alone anymore.”

Natasha leaned up and pecked Clint on the lips.  “Thank you, bird.”

A deep blush ran up Clint’s neck and he scratched the back of his head.  “We’re doing this in public now?”

Her green eyes met his blue and she cupped his jaw, leaning in a little.  “Just this once.”  She said and brought her lips back to his.


	14. 6.1:  On Your Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to settle into his new life. He’s not quite sure how he feels about all the attention he is receiving from Natasha and Clint.

Steve was lost and running on autopilot.  Most days he woke up and the first feeling he had was regret.  He then got up and went through his day with no variation.  Use the bathroom.  Take a shower.  Eat breakfast.  Go for a run.  Go into SHIELD.  Come home again.  Eat dinner.  Go back to bed.

There were some variations.  He’d visit Peggy in the hospital which on a good day was a blessing and on a bad day hurt him more than anything else had.  The woman he had once loved, so old and frail, having lived her whole life and now her mind that was once so sharp was leaving her.  It hurt.  It hurt to be reminded of what he gave up.  It hurt to be reminded of what he had lost.  Who he had lost.  Who he still had left to lose.  He was alone in a time and a place where he didn’t belong and he didn’t want to be in.  He didn’t want to be.

There were missions too.  That he got.  On a mission, he was Captain America.  He knew how to do that.  The technology had changed but being a soldier hadn’t.  You followed orders.  You took out the bad guy.  Easy.  He was used a lot.  Captain America was still an asset.  Even if he was reckless.  Especially because he was reckless.  There was a big part of Steve that still didn’t want to come home.

Natasha and Clint had seemed to make him their mission.  Like him fitting in was of personal importance to them.  They invited him out drinking with them, which just reminded him of how little he fit in now.  They’d invite him around to one of their apartments and he’d watch shows he didn’t understand the context for and pretend everything was okay and he wasn’t just alone.  Half the time they seemed to be flirting with him too but he wasn’t sure if that was the case or just how people were now.  It made no sense for them to be flirting with him when they seemed to be together.

As much he liked Clint he was a little relieved when he was sent on a three-month infiltration.  Natasha on her own was a little easier to deal with.  On her own, she bought vodka and beer and just sat and talked with him.  She started picking him up when he went running.  There was something about Natasha Romanoff though, the fact that she was a spy might be all that it was.  He just always had the feeling she wasn’t telling him something.

Even though he didn’t trust her, he wanted to.  Truth be told, he liked Natasha.  He liked Clint.  They had fought together and that meant something.  So when she showed up he played along, snarked back where appropriate.  Rolled his eyes. Flirted even if he did feel awkward still.

Natasha downed another shot.  “You know, I need to thank you, Steve.  For keeping me company while Barton is away.  Phil and Hill used to.  I get a little…”  She waved her hands around.  “And I only know work people.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at her.  He had assumed this was about him.  It had never even occurred to him that she liked being around him.  “I’m a work person.”

She put her hand on his thigh.  The touching had gotten more frequent too.  “You’re a bit different.  You just say what you mean.”

“What happened to Hill?  She’s still around.”  Steve asked.

Natasha seemed to curl in on herself.  “I wish I knew.  After Phil …”  She shook her head.  “Can I tell you something?”

Steve nodded.  “Please do.”

“It’s kinda weird.”

Steve chuckled and put his hand on Natasha’s.  “Weirder than Aliens spewing out of a hole in the sky?”

She laughed and shook her head.  “Maybe not weirder than that.  No.”  She agreed.  “You might look at me differently.  If not me, Clint and Phil.”

“Well, now you have to say it,”  Steve said.  He put his arm around her on the back of the couch in a way that was supposed to be reassuring.  She curled into him and leaned her head on his shoulder.  Steve had forgotten how much he had missed this.  Just having a person to touch.  To seek reassurance from.  Even if it was just a friend he didn’t trust fully yet.

“Clint, Hill, Phil, and I… we were all together.  You know?  Together together.  Not like… sometimes we see … saw other people.  But it was always us four.  We’d always come back to the four of us.”  Natasha explained.

Steve blinked at her.  He had always thought what he and Bucky had back then was weird.  How Bucky couldn’t commit.  How he kept trying to bring women in.  This he hadn’t been prepared for.  “Is that… is that normal now?”

Natasha shrugged.  “No.  I guess not.  It’s not unheard of but with most people are still not the norm. Besides, what we did?  We’re a mess, Rogers.  Just a mess.  It was easy.”

“So what happened with Hill?  Why’d she stopped?  She seeing someone?”  Steve asked.

Natasha looked up at him.  “Just like that?  No righteous indignation?  No lecture about morals?”

“Who am I to judge people just trying to find some happiness?”  Steve said.  “I get wanting companionship.”

Natasha patted his chest before resting her head on his shoulder.  She let out a sigh and her head shook the slightest amount.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know.  We were grieving together.  Leaning on each other.  Then she suddenly decided this wasn’t working and she pulled away.  I miss her.  But you can’t force someone to lo…”  She stopped abruptly and shook her head again.  “So it’s just me and Clint.  And now Clint’s outta town.  He must be going out of his mind.”

“He’ll be back and I like hanging out with you Nat,”  Steve said rubbing her back.

A half smile spread over Natasha’s face.  “Well you know, if you ever want to.  Could be just me.  Or Clint.  Whatever you like.”

Steve laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.  But I’ll keep it in mind.”


	15. 6.2: On Your Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Wilson meets the Steve Rogers on a morning run and is immediately attracted to him. Thankfully, the attraction seems mutual.

The morning was clear and cool.  Good weather for a running.  Sam hadn’t slept well.  That wasn’t unusual.  His coping mechanisms were getting better, but he still had nightmares from time to time.  He still had to deal with PTSD and being triggered by random sounds and objects that were close enough to the sounds of gunfire that he would get transported back to that moment where Riley fell from the sky and he was helpless to do anything to stop it.

So he had gone out.  It was earlier than he normally went.  That was okay.  It meant it would be quiet.  He’d be able to run, enjoy the sunrise and not have to worry about his feet falling on the pavement and the burn in his lungs.  Or that’s what he thought.

The first time he heard ‘on your left’ just as the blond Dorito tore past him he thought it was quaint that there was someone that still took the time for polite formalities like that.  The second time he heard it he realized why there was a good reason for it.  There was no way a guy who moved that fast and looked like that was just a regular dude.  It was Captain Steve Rogers.  No doubt about it.  The third time he took a moment to appreciate the way his back muscles flexed and rippled under the too tight shirt he was wearing and that pert ass of his.  The fourth time he realized Captain America wasn’t being polite.  He was being a smart ass.

Sam’s road to realizing he wasn’t straight hadn’t been simple.  He hadn’t woken up one day and thought ‘I like both men and women, therefore…’   There had been a lot of self-loathing.  A lot of sleeping around.  A lot of trying to fight the things he had grown up believing.  He had got there though.  He knew he liked men and women.  So here he was faced with a guy who was designed by science to be the perfect specimen of a man.  Who he knew for a fact had gone from a tiny little dude to the huge guy he was now.  So who knew how much of his body that affected.  Here he was.  Captain America.  Flirting like a little shit and Sam was not going to waste this opportunity

So he sat and waited.  His sides burning from trying to keep up with him.  When he saw him he flirted too.  He was a little out of practice but so it seemed was Steve. It felt good though.  There was something.  He’d always pictured Steve Rogers as this two-dimensional uptight do-gooder.  He wasn’t.  He was so much more.  Sam wanted to get to know every dimension.

It was the following day when Sam noticed Steve standing in the back of his VA meeting.  He could see that familiar look.  A person not sure where he belonged anymore.  Unsure if he could have a normal life after the things he’d been through.  When the meeting drew to a close Sam said his goodbyes and as he packed up the leaflets he’d left out Steve approached him.  “Look who it is.  The running man.”  Sam said.

Steve leaned on the wall his hands shoved in his pockets  “Caught the last few minutes.  It’s pretty intense.”

“Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems  Guilt, regret,”  Sam said.

“You lose someone?”  Steve asked quietly.

Sam took a small breath and nodded.  “My wingman, Riley.”  Riley.  It hurt to talk about him.  But Steve looked like a man who would understand  “Flying a night mission.  Standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn’t done a thousand times before, ‘til RPG knocked Riley’s dumb ass out of the sky.  Nothing I could do.  It’s like I was up there just to watch.”

“I’m sorry,”  Steve said.

“After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?”  Sam continued.

“But you’re happy now,”  Steve asked nodding to the small display of leaflets and fliers.  “Back in the world?”

The question was one he’d heard variants of hundreds of times.  He’d seen it written in the faces of every person he worked within the VA.  Can I ever really return to a normal life?  “Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero.”  He said folding his arms and lifting his tone. “So, hell yeah.  You thinking about getting out?”

Steve looked down and shook his head.  “No.  I don’t know.  To be honest, I don’t know what I would do with myself.”

“Ultimate fighting?”  Sam joked making Steve laugh.  “It’s just a great idea off the top of my head.  But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do.  What makes you happy?”

“I don’t know,”  Steve said looking off into the distance.  His gaze returned to Sam and he smiled softly.  “I was wondering if we could go get a drink?”

Sam lit up, grinning broadly.   “Yeah.  Yeah, I’d like that.  You have a place in mind?”

As Steve Rogers listed off the name of a bar that was actually not far from Sam’s place, Sam couldn’t stop smiling.  It had been a long time since he’d had a date and now he had one with Captain America.


	16. 6.3:  On Your Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam hook up.

Steve made a small grunt sound as he was pushed against the glass of Sam’s front door.  There was part of him still questioning why he was doing this now.  He wasn’t a jump straight into bed with people person.  Yet, here he was for the second time with a man he barely knew his cock stirring in his pants as hands roamed over his skin.

He just felt so lost and he just wanted to connect.  With someone who he could trust and saw him as Steve first.  Maybe this was a mistake, but for right now, the way his mouth felt against his throat, wet and hungry, and the way his hand dug into his waist, felt right.  Good.  He wanted Sam Wilson.  Stanger or not.

Sam tried to pull back to unlock the door and Steve grabbed his belt, pulling his body back flush against him.  He latched onto the man’s throat and rolled his hips so his cock ground against Sam’s thigh.

Sam chuckled.  It was warm and genuine and fueled Steve’s desire for him.   “Calm down, man.  We gotta get inside.”

Steve relaxed his grip just a little.  Sam managed to get the door unlocked and slid it open.  Steve nearly fell over backward as Sam shoved him in the door.  As soon as the door was locked behind them Sam’s lips were on his again, sucking and biting, his tongue circling with Steve’s.  Steve clutched at Sam’s shirt, bunching it in his fists and as soon as he’d been pushed through the door they broke the kiss just long enough to pull their shirts off over their heads and return to kissing.

They fumbled at each other’s belts, opening them and pushing each other’s pants down and doing an awkward hop/jump as they kicked both their pants and shoes off on the way to the bed.  Steve began kissing down Sam’s neck and chest as he ran his hand up and down Sam’s cock.  The urge to taste him hit Steve suddenly.  He wanted nothing more than to have Sam’s dick in his mouth.  He dropped to his knees and yanked Sam’s boxers down, his cock springing up in front of him.  It was long and thick and cut.  Seeing it made Steve crave it more and he flattened his tongue and ran it up the length.

Sam let out a choked groan cursing as he did.  His hand tangled in Steve’s hair and his head rolled back.  Steve smiled to himself, looking up at the man lost in his own pleasure.  He licked broadly over the head of Sam’s cock before dropping down and taking him in down his throat.

“Jesus.  Fuck.”  Sam cursed again, as his hips jerked pushing him deeper still.  Steve gagged and the sound that action elicited from Sam traveled straight down Steve’s spine and made his dick jump and leak precome down the shaft.   Steve relaxed his jaw and looked up at him pulling back and pushing forward again, inviting Sam to fuck his mouth.  Precome dripped onto his tongue, thick and salty and he swallowed it down.

Sam’s hands tightened in Steve’s hair tugging on it gently.  He started to roll his hips, gently at first, testing Steve’s limits.  He started guiding Steve’s head back and forth in time with the thrusts.  Pushing his dick deeper and deeper down Steve’s throat.  Steve moaned relaxing more.  Enjoying the way Sam was taking control.  Relaxing into it.  He’d been trying to maintain control for so long, just this small act of letting go was like relief.

He gagged again as the head of Sam’s cock hit the back of his throat and Sam groaned and pulled free.  “Alright, Cap.  Let’s see what you’re packing.”  He said pulling Steve to his feet and pushing him back onto the bed.  He yanked his boxers down and the look of lust in Sam’s eyes sent a shiver running down Steve’s spine.  “Damn, that is something alright.”  He said, wrapping his hand around Steve’s cock and pumping it.

Steve groaned and arched his hips up.

“Oh, you want it, huh, baby?”  Sam cooed.  “You wanna fuck this ass?”

Steve let out a needy whine and his body jerked again.  “Oh god yes, please.”

“Gonna need you to prep me first, baby.  This thing is a monster.”  Sam said, his fist still moving up and down the length.

Steve sat up and they kissed as Sam climbed up on the bed.  He went to his bedside table and grabbed a tube of lube and pressed it into Steve’s hand.  Steve moved behind him running his hand down Sam’s back, his palm tracing the rise and fall of the thick muscles as he guided him onto all fours.  He picked up the lube and slicked his fingers.  He pushed one into Sam’s ass, and while he tensed around it, groaning, there was little resistance.  Steve leaned forward and kissed Sam’s shoulder, easing a second finger beside the first.  Sam’s ring muscle resisted for a moment before relaxing and allowing him entry.

“That’s it.  I’ve got you.”  Steve rumbled as Sam moaned and pushed back against his hand.

Steve started to fuck him with his two digits.  Moving them in and out, deeper and deeper, spreading them slowly so he was stretched and ready for him.  When his fingers touched on the smooth surface of Sam’s prostate, Sam let out a cry and fell forward.  “Oh god. Fuck.  Fuck me, Steve.”   He pleaded.

“Patience.”  Steve hummed, squeezing the lube on his cock and slicking it as he continued to finger Sam’s ass.

When he pulled his fingers free, Sam sat up and pushed Steve onto his back.  “I’ll show you patience.”  He said straddling him.

Steve submitted immediately, letting Sam pin his hands overhead and kiss him hard.  Sam shifted he grabbed a condom and rolled it on Steve’s cock, before wrapping his hands around it again.  Steve felt the head press against Sam’s asshole and then slowly sink into his tight ass.

Sam began to bounce, moving up and down on Steve’s dick.  The pressure tightening and relaxing around Steve’s shaft sent waves of pleasure through him.   It made him moan and arch up, trying to force himself in deeper.  He could feet that pleasant pressure in his gut of an approaching orgasms.  It was made more urgent by the sounds Sam made.  The needy whines and grunts punctuated with the sticky smear of precome up Steve’s stomach.

Sweat began to bead on their bodies and Sam sat back looking down at Steve.  They kept their eyes locked together.  Steve watched as a bead of sweat ran down Sam’s neck.  The need to taste him became too much.  He pulled his hands free and sat up wrapping his arms around Sam, running his tongue up his throat.  The taste of his sweat mixing with the lingering taste of his come.

They moved as one.  Sam’s cock, sliding against Steve as he rocked his hips.  Their breath started coming in shallow, and their moans became louder and more primal until Sam suddenly arched back in Steve’s lap and came, spilling hot, thick come over the both of them.  The clench of his muscles brought Steve over with him and he emptied inside of him.

Sam slid off Steve’s lap and lay on his back panting.  He reached for his bedside table and fumbled around until he brought back a pack of wipes.  Steve took them off him and started cleaning them both up.  “Fuck,”  Sam sighed as Steve gentle wiped him down.  “That was great.  Will you stick around?  I can make you breakfast.”

> [Art by Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa)

Steve looked at him, looking up with a slight hopefulness in the brown of his eyes and the image of Tony’s panic in the morning filled Steve’s head.  A tightness entered his chest and he shook his head.  “Better not.  Early start.  I’ll call you.”

Sam frowned and sank back into the bed as he watched Steve change hurriedly.  “Right.”

Steve left with a feeling of guilt and anxiety, swearing next time he was taking it slow.


	17. 7.1: Placing Bets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint start to panic being in a monogamous relationship with each other and try and figure out who else might be interested. They set their sights on Bruce.

The fall of SHIELD meant the dissolution of Natasha’s family too.  She and Clint had followed after Steve to what was now being called the Avengers Tower.  After Tony’s Malibu home had been destroyed he and Pepper had moved in too.  He had seemed to have some part of him that knew or hoped that they’d all come together again and be a team.  He had floors set out, each with two apartments designed specifically for each of them.

Tony had the penthouse and below him was the party deck followed by a flight hanger and ten floors of labs.  Then it was the apartments.  Steve’s was on the highest floor.  His place was large and decorated with vintage items mixed with high tech.  Across from him was Sam’s place.  It was a lot bigger than the one he had in DC and the view took in midtown, stretching out to the park.

The two had come to Tony almost as soon as SHIELD had fallen.  Steve not having anyone else he knew or trusted, returned to the only other place he had really known in this new world as soon as Tony extended the invitation.  Immediately setting out to find Bucky now that he knew he was alive.

Under that was Bruce.   Bruce had been living in the tower since the battle of New York, continuing on with his work and overseeing construction after Tony had returned to LA.  For quite a while he’d just had the whole floor to himself.

The next level down was Natasha and Clint.  Clint’s apartment was park side while Natasha’s was river side.  Clint had somehow managed to make his place look like it was occupied by a couple of college students in their first year despite the fact that Tony had paid for all the furniture in the place.  Natasha, on the other hand, had made hers sleek and modern with just splashes of homely things, like a rug over the back of her couch and a clawfoot tub in the bathroom.

Below Natasha and Clint was an apartment for Thor and one that was just left empty for visitors or if the team should change dynamics at all.  Thor’s apartment remained empty for a long time given his one-way departure to Asgard.  It wasn’t until almost 18 months had passed before Thor returned telling them that Loki’s scepter had gone missing and they needed to find it.

Finally, there was a floor that housed Rhodey and yet another empty apartment.  Rhodey was also in and out with the Airforce a lot but Tony hoped he’d change his mind and join the team permanently.  Until then, he wanted him to know he had a place that was his in the tower.

There were more floors for staff living on site below those, but the apartments were generally smaller.  He had big plans for what he saw the Avengers to be and the coming together of the team was just the start of it.  Which meant that Natasha needed to figure out how she fit now.

So much had changed with how she related to different people she was having trouble adjusting.  Fitting in with SHIELD had seemed easy in comparison.  Nick had just adopted her and Clint, Maria and Phil and just absorbed her into their little arrangement.  Now Phil was dead.  Nick had faked his death and not trusted her enough to tell her.  Hill was still giving her the cold shoulder despite coming over to the Avengers with them.  Natasha was fairly certain she was still working for Nick.  Even Sharon who she had an occasional hook up with here and there, was playing long distance monogamous with Steve.  Although Sharon had never really been the polyamorous type.  It was more if she was single and in the mood, hookup type.

She did still have Clint though and the two of them were doing their best to not be a couple because being a couple would end up making one of them explode the whole thing in their face.

“Well, Steve and Tony are out.  Monogamy.”  Clint said pulling a face.  He was in Natasha’s room with his head in her lap.  She played with his hair, absentmindedly spiking it up before flattening it back down over his forehead again.  “What about Thor?  He doesn’t seem like the monogamous type.”

“No.  He doesn’t. But Jane does and I am never doing that again.  Not after Tony.  I still feel shitty about that.”  Natasha answered with a shake of her head.

“Oh yeah, right.  God, I don’t wanna be that person but that seems doomed.”  Clint said.

Natasha grimace.  “Yeah.  They’re both great.  But sometimes that’s not enough.”  She sighed.  If she was honest, none of the monogamous couples in the building seemed anything but doomed.  Tony struggled with monogamy but more, he couldn’t let being Iron Man go and she could see how much that hurt Pepper.  There was going to come a day where she made him choose, and Natasha didn’t think he’d choose her.  Steve and Sharon were great but the distance thing was killing them and there was something else.  She saw how he looked at Sam.  How they looked at each other really.  Not to mention the whole Bucky Barnes situation.  Something she didn’t like to think about too much.  She had her own history with the ex-Winter Soldier and she wasn’t ready to let anyone else know about it.

The more Natasha witnessed how monogamy affected people in her line of work, the more she was sure it didn’t work for any of them.  Which in turn made her desperate to find someone else she could draw into this thing she had with Clint before she lost that as well.

“Guess that leaves Bruce.”  Clint half-joked.  “He’s really nice.  Cute too.  Maybe he’d like to…”  He gave a small shrug.

Natasha looked down at him and laughed.  “Oh yeah, I’m sure Bruce Banner would be so into our arrangement.”

“Have you seen me, Nat?  You couldn’t resist me.”  Clint teased.

Natasha laughed much louder.  “Oh yeah.  He wouldn’t be able to control himself, Clint.  In fact, you can have a threeway, you, him and the Hulk.”

Clint sat up.  “I could totally get Bruce Banner and not even risk a Hulk out.”

Natasha simply scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“I could too.  Before you in any case.”  Clint argued.

“You want to make a bet?”  Natasha asked.  “Me versus you.  The first person to bed Banner wins.”

“Yeah.  Yes.  I do want to make a bet.  And if I win, you gotta have sex with me on the roof.”  Clint said.  “And be nice.”

Natasha laughed and shoved him.  “Sure.  And if I win, I get to peg you.”

Clint shifted in his seat before nodding his head and offering his hand.  “Done.”

Natasha smirked.  “I know exactly which toy I’m gonna use.”  She said, shaking his hand.


	18. 7.2:  Placing Bets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce isn’t sure how he feels about the attention he’s receiving from Clint and Natasha

Bruce was not used to this kind of attention.  He had just gotten completely relaxed around Tony with the random poking, excited pats on the shoulder and hugs.  He had spent so long now alone and on the run that just getting used to that again was difficult for him.  Even before that it was only really Betty that treated him like that.  After developing Dissociative Identity Disorder as a child thanks to the numerous brutal beatings inflicted on him by his father, he self-isolated a lot.  That, on top of the merciless bullying he received at the hands of classmates, meant that Bruce Banner really didn’t know how to relate to people.

When Natasha and Clint set their sights on him, he felt like a deer caught in headlights.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like the attention, he just second guessed it.  He didn’t know why they were doing it.  Was it an elaborate prank?  Was this their way of bullying him?  He kept looking for the punchline and he couldn’t for the life of him see what it was.   He started getting these images in his head of him tied naked to the bed and all the Avengers laughing at him for believing for a second they were interested in him.

Clint was slightly more aggressive than Natasha, something the Hulk was responding to a little too strongly for Bruce’s liking.  He’d jump out at him from nowhere and then put his arm around his shoulder assuring Bruce he wasn’t scared of him and then making some completely unsubtle innuendo before disappearing again.  Hulk started pushing whenever he was around.  Take the little bird.  Show him what you can do.  That you shouldn’t push unless you expect the person to push back.

Natasha was more subtle.  There was just a constant level of flirting.  Hulk liked that too but in a completely different way and they ended up harnessing it as a way to pull Bruce back again when there was a Hulk out.  With Clint, it felt like all he needed to do was say yes and Clint would pull him into the nearest room and suck his dick.  With Natasha, it seemed like she was waiting for him to come to her.  Which part of him thought was her way of letting him get used to the idea of them together and for him to go to her.  The louder part kept saying ‘this was just what she was like’ and ‘she’s just trying to set you up for humiliation’.

The biggest thing he couldn’t work out was, he was sure they were a couple.  So why were they messing with him?

When the team finally tracked down Loki’s scepter and Bruce and Tony had started trying to build the Ultron Project using whatever was inside it, Tony threw a party as a farewell for Thor.   Natasha had been playing games with him all night.  He liked it.  Or at least he thought he did.  Pretending to be someone other than Bruce Banner was fun at the very least.  Her comment about him doing her wrong left him confused and perplexed though.  Not sure if it was a game or not.

Steve approached him and leaned against the bar.  “That’s nice.”

Bruce looked at him startled like he’d been caught doing something wrong.  Or maybe now was when he heard the ‘gotcha’.  “What - what - what is?”  He stuttered.

“You and Romanoff,”  Steve answered.  His voice was kind and warm and still, Bruce felt the panicked need to run.

“No.  We haven’t… That wasn’t…”  He said pulling back and trying to placate him.

“It’s okay,”  Steve said laughing.  “Nobody’s breaking any bylaws.  It’s just she’s not the most… open person in the world.  But with you, she seems very relaxed.”

“No… Natasha… She’s…”  Bruce argued.  “She likes to flirt.”

Steve laughed and shook his head and reached over the bar grabbing himself a beer.   “That is true.  But she’s almost never just flirting.  She likes you.  If you want more…”

Bruce made a small scoffing sound.  Hearing it from Steve made him feel a little better.  He wanted to believe that Steve Rogers of all people wouldn’t be setting him up for humiliation.  “I - She… Isn’t she with Clint?”

Steve turned and looked at him seriously.  “You don’t know?”

“What… what… what don’t I know?”  He asked looking around, that feeling of the punchline about to hit.

“I probably shouldn’t be the one telling you.  Should come from one of them.”  Steve said glancing around the room.  “They’re open.  Is that the right word?  Where people are together but they see other people?  Also, they probably would tell you they aren’t together either, that they’re just messing around, but they definitely are.  Together that is.  She’s serious about you though.  So’s he.  If you wanted to be a part of that…”

Bruce felt winded.   He wasn’t sure what he’d expected the end result of all the flirting from Clint and Natasha would be, but it definitely wasn’t polyamory.  He had enough trouble dealing with the fact that there was one potential relationship let alone two.  “What… have… have you?  With them?”

Steve laughed and shook his head again.  “No.  Nearly though.  Was kinda lost when I woke up.  They’re good people and even though they try and tell themselves otherwise, they love very deeply.”  He took a breath and looked over at where Clint was playing pool with Sam.  “Look, as maybe the world’s leading authority on waiting too long; don’t.  You all deserve a win.  They’re …”  He frowned and Bruce could see the wheels turning.  He looked up and smiled, patting Bruce on the shoulder.  “Talk to them.”

Bruce furrowed his brow and watched him go and while in a lot of ways he was much less confused now, he felt further away from knowing what he actually wanted.


	19. 7.3:  Placing Bets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers hide from Ultron at Clint’s brother’s place. Bruce and Natasha discuss the potential for more.

The exhausted and confused team followed Clint through the long grass to the farmhouse house standing in the middle of the field.  Bruce kept himself hunched over.  The witch getting into his head and messing with the Hulk was enough to make him feel weak and nauseated.  Adding to that the damage and deaths in Johannesburg Hulk caused, as a result, he wasn’t sure he could come back from this.  He knew the world was going to be out for his blood.  He didn’t blame them really.  He hated himself and he couldn’t see how he could keep doing this, pretending to be a hero when all he was was a monster waiting to get out.

For now, though he’d hide with the others.  He just wished he knew where he was.  A tall brunette man stepped out onto the porch.  He didn’t look particularly old but his face was lined and when he spotted Clint he broke out into a large smile.  The family similarities between the two men were clear.  He even had the archer’s arms.

“Gotten yourselves into a little bit of trouble I hear.”  The guy said putting his hands on his hips like a disapproving parent.  Though there was no way that man was Clint’s father.  “It was all over the news.”

“Yeah, yeah.”  Clint huffed.  “You gonna let us in or what?”

“Please, be my guest.”  He replied opening the door to them.  Natasha kissed the guys cheek as she passed him.  He put his arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze.  Bruce lowered his head further and furrowed his brow as he passed him.  When they got inside, he, Tony, Thor, and Steve all stood in the living room.  The confusion he felt was reflected on their faces, increased again when a one-eyed dog came scrambling into the room wriggling and wagging his tail so hard his whole body was being dragged along for the ride.  Clint crouched down letting him lick his face while he ruffled his fur.

“Does anyone want to fill me in on what is going on here?”  Tony asked, looking around the room.

Clint straightened up and grinned. “Well, this guy is my dog, Lucky.  Pizza dog.  It changes.”  He explained before gesturing to the other guy.  “And this degenerate is my brother Barney.”

“Brother?  Why didn’t we know you had a brother?”  Tony asked.

“There’s a ton of stuff you don’t know about me.”  Clint snarked.  “Fury set it up.  Me and Barney, when we were kids we were in the system.  We ran away to the circus…”

“Sorry,”  Tony said holding his hand up.  “You did what now?”

“The circus, Tony.  We joined the circus.”  Clint said rolling his eyes.  “That’s where I got good at archery.  But they weren’t exactly good guys.  We got into trouble.  Fury stepped in.  I went to work with him, Barney got put into protection.  We’re safe here.  No one knows this exists.”

* * *

After some discussion about plans and how long they were going to be here licking their wounds everyone scattered.  Thor left completely while the rest either tried to make themselves useful or just attempt to relax.  Bruce was directed to one of the spare rooms and went straight to the shower.  He stood under the hot water scrubbing his skin until it was pink trying to make himself feel clean.

When he came out of the bathroom Natasha was sitting on the bed in her robe.  She jumped up startled.  “I - uh - didn’t realize you were waiting,”  Bruce said.

“I woulda joined you, but uh…”  She said, softly with a smile that was so soft it scared him in a whole other way.  Like her interest in him was much deeper than just a sex thing.  “It didn’t seem like the right time.”

“I used up all the hot water.”  He said with a frown and shifting awkwardly where he stood.

“I should’ve joined you.”  She said with a smirk.

The return to the teasing flirt actually eased his mind a little.  He smiled but kept this voice soft as he spoke.  Not really sure what he was doing here.  Or what he wanted to do here.  “You missed your window.”

“Did we?”  She spoke the words with such fear.  Bruce felt his heartache.  He knew that fear.  The fear of love.  Being loved.  He felt it himself and he finally saw what was happening.  For Natasha, she protected herself from it but surrounding herself in it.  No one person could break her heart because when one did there was another to hold it together.  For Bruce, he held people back, unwilling to let them get near his heart in the first place.

He frowned and moved into the room frowning.  “The world just saw the Hulk.  The real Hulk for the first time.”  He said avoiding her eye contact as he toweled himself off.  “You know I have to leave.”

“You don’t have to do anything.  You know we’ll protect you.”  She argued.  She stopped and shook her head.  “I had this… umm… dream.  The kind that seems normal at the time, but when you wake…”

Bruce approached her pulling on his shirt.  “What did you dream?”

“That I was an Avenger.”  She replied.  “That I was anything more than the assassin they made me.”

Bruce took another step towards her.  “I think you’re being hard on yourself.”

She closed the distance bringing her body right up against his.  He could feel the heat radiating from her skin.  She looked up into his eyes and smiled.  “Here I was hoping that was your job.”

He grabbed her arms and shook his head.  Her breath teased his lips and there was part of him that wanted to just kiss her.  Give her the thing she had been angling for all these months.  The Hulk.  The Hulk wasn’t ever going to let him have that though.  So he shook his head.  “What are you doing?”

“I’m running with it.”  She answered, cupping his jaw.  He took her hand in his moving it away.  Fight the urge he had to let her.  “We can do this.  You and I.”

“I don’t even know what this is,”  Bruce said moving away.  “What about Clint?”

Nat hunched her shoulders together and made a small hunch motion dropping her eyes.  “We have an arrangement.  It works for us.  It can work for all of us.  He wants this too, but if you don’t … want that.  It can be you and me and me and him.”

“Natasha.  I’m a threat to everyone.”  He reasoned.

She approached him, moving quickly trying to reduce the distance again.  “Not to me.”

Bruce frowned.  “And to Clint?”

Natasha took another step closer drawing herself up against him again.  “I can invite him now if you want.”

Bruce leaned his forehead on hers and she stroked her thumb along his jaw.  “I need time.  To think.  This… this is … I’m not used to it.”

She nodded.  “Time we’ve got.”  She said and let him go.  “Please don’t run though Bruce.  We like having you around.”


	20. 8.1: The Lonely Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Bruce decide to take their relationship to the next level. It doesn’t go well.

The heroes had all limped back to the tower after the defeat of Ultron.  It was one of those wins that didn’t exactly feel like a win at all.  There was too much damage and too many lives lost and deep down at the root of it, it could have been completely avoided.  Everyone on the team seemed to carry a level of blame for what happened and no one was quite sure what should happen now.

There were also two new members of the team.   Vision the synthetic child of Ultron  JARVIS, Bruce and Tony, and Wanda the HYDRA experiment who had defected to help defeat the machine that she bore some responsibility of creating.

There was now more responsibility.  The team that had once just been seasoned veterans who knew how to hold their own in a fight now had people who had never really been in one before.  People who had powers beyond comprehension and had to learn to control them.

Wanda was lost.  Her twin brother’s death at the hands of Ultron had torn out a piece of her very soul and she hurt.  She didn’t know her place in the Avengers or the world in general.  All she felt was a constant deep-seated pain.

Of everyone, Tony blamed himself the most.  With the blame over what had happened and the pressure from Pepper to retire after the incident with Extremis, he decided to take a back seat.  He got to work improving the Tower and making it safer for the people of New York.

Thor had taken his leave again.  Concerned about Asgard.  To deal with the imbalance of the team Sam and Rhodey had decided to take a more active role.  Rhodey was still time sharing with the Airforce while Sam became a full-time Avenger.

Bruce wasn’t sure about his role either anymore either.  Coming back from the Hulk after the battle in Sokovia had been difficult.  More difficult than ever before and he was facing the possibility that there might come a time that Hulk would take over and Bruce would not be able to get back at all.  He tried to focus on work.  It was becoming harder and harder to do though because there was a deep down problem that he had been trying to ignore.   He had a crush on Tony Stark.  It had been there from the start.  The way he’d never treated him like a freak.  The way they connected intellectually.  The fact he was never scared of him.  Even the fact that the Hulk had saved his life once made him feel it.  Tony was in a relationship though and so he tried to push the feelings aside.

Natasha and Clint were still pursuing him.  More gently than before.  Like now their concern wasn’t to sleep with him, it was to make him feel wanted and safe.  That had the effect of actually putting him more at ease than before.  Having them just be with him when he felt vulnerable and not push him made him want them.

“I brought food,”  Natasha said letting herself into his apartment one night.

He looked up from the paper he was reading completely unsurprised that she was there.  Her habit of just appearing places had now become expected.  “No Clint?”

“Not tonight.  He and Sam have gone out…”  She paused and shook her head.  “I can’t believe they have gotten me to say this.”   She muttered before raising her head and looking Bruce in the eye.  “They’re going to be each other’s wingman.”

Bruce snorted.  “Well then.  I’m glad for the company.”

Natasha relaxed back into the couch.  “Mmm me too.”  She hummed.  “Things keep changing.  I don’t like it.”

Bruce put his arm behind her on the couch and Natasha moved in so she was cuddled up against him.  He looked down at her with a soft smile.  “No?  No change at all?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow and smirked.  “What are you suggesting, Doctor Banner?”

A soft blush crept up the back of Bruce’s neck.  “I - I just -  I thought maybe… Maybe…”

Natasha leaned in and Bruce bridged the difference, bringing his lips to hers.  It was his first kiss in a long time.  Since Betty.  He was surprised by how good it felt, how calm he felt in it.  He hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap.  She let him.  Bruce knew that if Natasha Romanoff didn’t want something it wouldn’t happen.  She straddled his thighs and her hand carded into his hair as she took control, deepening the kiss, adding a slightly animalistic element to it.

He responded automatically rolling his hips under her, so his cock began to stiffen in his pants.  He parted his lips, letting her tongue in and dancing his with it.  She rocked against him.  He could almost feel the heat of her pussy radiating out and his cock strained against his pants aching for it.

Natasha pulled her shirt up over her head and Bruce yanked the cup of her bra down and latched onto her nipple.  Sucking and biting on it.  He could feel the press of the other guy.  Pushing him for more.  To be a little rougher.  To move things along faster.  He tried to resist him.  To hold him back and show that he had this.  He could be a whole person and have everything.

Natasha unbuttoned his shirt and kissed his ear.  “That’s it, Bruce,”  She whispered.  “I’m right here.”

He made a strangled groan and flipped them both.  He pulled her pants down roughly, only he wasn’t sure if that was him that did that at all.  Things were becoming confused.  Far off.  Natasha’s hands were on his face.

“Bruce.  Stay with me.”  She said and he realized that it sounded like it was coming from another room.  There was pain up his back and along his arms and then it was just black.

The Hulk raised his head with a roar.  There was an uncomfortable pain in his crotch and he couldn’t work out the source of it.  The pants he wore always felt too tight, but this time it was like that tenfold.  He looked down and saw the spider below him.  He roared again sitting up and swatting at her thinking she must have bitten him.  She screamed and went flying into the wall.  When she landed her leg looked wrong but it was no concern to him.  He just didn’t want to feel this way anymore.

“Big guy, please.”  She said, through ragged breath.  The Hulk could tell she was in pain but all he felt was rage unlike any he had felt since the little witch had messed with his head.  He got up and just ran, smashing through the walls of the apartment he had to share with puny Banner.

An alarm sounded high pitch and loud.  It went through his head like a hot knife and he clutched at it and doubled over.  It did have the side effect of easing the pain in his crotch though.  He looked around wildly as a woman’s voice called.  “Code Green.  Code Green in Doctor Banner’s residence.  Code Green.”

He got up again shaking his head like he was trying to clear it and ran to the window.  Just when he was about to jump through it the metal man appeared on the other side.  “Hey, Big Guy you think you could maybe not break the window?  I only just got that fixed.”  He said, his voice coming in loud over the PA system.

Hulk roared and flicked his arm in annoyance, shattering the glass and sending it raining down the side of the building.

“Aww come on.  Really?”  The metal man said floating inside and landing on the ground.  “What’s going on, Big Guy?  Is there danger?”

Hulk huffed and shook his head, hunching himself over a little.  A feeling of shame started to creep through him and he didn’t like it.  He’d felt that too after he’d started to clear his head from the witches spell.

“Then what’s up?  Just visiting?  Why are you so mad?”  The metal man asked.

Hulk shook his head again and tried to find the words for what he wanted to say.  He wasn’t good with words.  He never really got much of a chance to use them.  “Hulk… Hulk liked… spider.  Hurt.”  He pulled at his pants, the pressure there had gone almost completely but it was all he could do to convey what was wrong.

“Nat’s here?”  The metal man asked looking around.  He took off and flew down to the living room.  “Natasha?”

Hulk lumbered after him and found the metal man now just a regular man crouched on the floor in front of the spider looking at her leg.  “Oh, this is very broken.”

Nat winced and nodded.  “I know.  Hurts like a bitch.”  She hissed through clenched teeth.

“Hulk hurt spider?”  He said. Now there was a guilt.  He hadn’t meant to hurt anyone.  He liked the spider and the metal man.  He curled up.

“Yeah.  I’ll be okay.”  Natasha winced.  “Come here, Big Guy.  The sun’s getting real low.”

Hulk moved closer and held out his hand.  She ran her fingers down along his palm and off the edge of one finger and he doubled over, letting Bruce take over again.

Bruce cowered on the floor looking over the damage he had done.  “Natasha.”  He said softly.

“It’s okay.  I’ll be okay.”  She assured him, letting Tony help her to her feet.

“Sit tight, big man.  I’ll be back.  We’ll talk this out.”  Tony said leading Natasha to the elevator.

Bruce curled up and hid his head in his legs.  This was it.  This was the sign.  He had to stop pretending he could be normal.  He would never be and now this was his life.


	21. 8.2:  The Lonely Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds Wanda awake and alone and she takes pity on her.

Natasha had trouble sleeping at the best of times, with her leg in a cast it was even worse.  She got very sick of being stuck in bed and started walking the halls on crutches at weird hours of the night and day.  That’s how she found Wanda sitting in the dark, her eyes stained red.  Natasha hobbled over and collapsed down onto the couch beside her.  Wanda didn’t even move.  She just sat, motionless staring straight ahead, the occasional small sob escaping her.

Natasha scratched at where her cast ended and relaxed back.  “You wanna talk about it?”

Wanda shook her head.

Natasha sat and she reached her hand out placing it on the couch next to Wanda.  “You aren’t alone here.”

Wanda didn’t say anything for a long time.  “I feel alone.  I’ve never felt alone before but I feel it now.”

“I know it might not feel like it.  But we’re a family here.”  Natasha said softly.

Wanda shook her head.  “I had a family.  A brother.  Parents who loved me.  They are all gone and now I live in a tower with the man I wrongly blamed for my parent’s death and the people I tortured in some kind of blind act of revenge.  I don’t even have my brother because I teamed up with a monster that I thought wanted the same things as me.”

Natasha touched Wanda’s thigh with her pinky finger.  “You aren’t alone.  You aren’t alone here and you aren’t alone in that loss you feel.  All of us have felt loss.  All of us have been subject to some horror that was outside our control.  We have all done things we regret and we want to take back.  That isn’t how it works.  But we are here.  We see you, Wanda.”

The small brunette started to sob.  “I can’t sleep. It’s stupid.  We haven’t shared a bed since we were small.  I could feel him though.”  She tapped her chest.  “Now I feel like a piece of me is missing and I just wish I had someone to hold me as I slept.”

“Oh, zaika,”  Natasha said holding her arms open.  Wanda moved instinctively into them wrapping her arms around Natasha’s waist and nuzzling into her.  “You’re safe, my little bunny.  We have you.  You can sleep in bed with me every night if you want to.”

Wanda looked up into Natasha’s eyes.  “What if … You have company?”

Natasha laughed and kissed Wanda on top of the head.  “Let’s plan the logistics in the morning.  You need to sleep, zaika.  Let’s go to my room.”

Wanda stood and helped Natasha to her feet.  The two women caught the elevator to Natasha and Clint’s floor.  They climbed into Natasha’s circular bed and Wanda curled up tightly against the assassin as Natasha wrapped the younger woman in her arms.  Slowly, as she listened to the rhythmic beat of Natasha’s heart Wanda drifted off, and for the first time since she moved into the tower, she slept soundly.


	22. 8.3: The Lonely Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Wanda’s relationship becomes sexual

A strange little understanding seemed to come about within the tower.  Wanda wasn’t to sleep by herself.  Usually, she slept with Natasha.  When Natasha wasn’t available Sam started to share his bed.  Sometimes she shared with Clint and Natasha.  Sometimes Vision just sat on the bed next to her and stroked her hair so she could sleep.  It was never sexual.  It just was that she needed comfort.  She needed the warmth of another body.  She needed to feel safe.

It was mostly Natasha though.  Even as her bonds formed with Vision around the Stone and her friendship with Sam deepened as they connected over the loss of the people they loved and Clint became protective of her, Wanda felt safest with Natasha.

When she was with the men it was enough they were there.  She knew she was safe with them.  When you can hear people’s thoughts you know in advance when there is something to be worried about.  They still worried about her being comfortable with them there though.  The thoughts of what was appropriate and how not to make her feel threatened always sat somewhere in their minds.  So while she would be fine if they wrapped her in their arms and held her while she slept, she was fine with them just being there.  To be able to sleep curled up against them and feel the thought patterns of their sleeping mind and the warmth radiating off their bodies.

Natasha had no such concerns.  She would wrap herself completely around Wanda, keeping their bodies pressed together, legs tangled and Wanda’s head tucked under her chin.  Even when Clint was there spooning her from behind.

Wanda could hear all Natasha’s thoughts.  She never delved into them, but she could glean surface level things.  She knew that Natasha and Clint were in some kind of open relationship.  She knew they were uncomfortable it being just the two of them even if they were completely devoted to each other.  She knew when Nat’s thoughts began to drift towards attraction.  When she began to wonder if Wanda might like to join them.  When her dreams started to feature Wanda.  The suppleness of her breasts.  The softness of her lips.  The taste of her pussy.  She knew when Natasha started to start to love her.  The way she wanted to deny it and tell herself it was something else.

It was curled in Natasha’s arms, the assassin running her fingers through Wanda’s hair when Wanda decided she would make the first move.

She looked up into Natasha’s green eyes.  Natasha looked down at her and smiled.  “What is it, zaika?”

Wanda leaned up and kissed her.  It was a sudden press of her lips against Natasha’s and Natasha froze, eyes opened and hands still.  Wanda pulled back and looked at her again.  “What’s wrong?”

“Where did that come from?”  Natasha asked.  Wanda could feel Natasha’s confusion.  How she had wanted to do more but the fear that it was the wrong thing to do.

Wanda furrowed her brow.  “You were thinking about doing it.”

“Wanda.”  Natasha sighed.  “That doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.  I think about doing a lot of things I shouldn’t do.”

“I want it, Natasha.  You and me.  I know you do too.  I know about your situation with Clint.  I’m okay with that.  I am.”  Wanda answered.

“Wanda, you’re a child,”  Natasha said, softly.

“I’m twenty, Natasha.  Not that much younger than you.”  Wanda argued.  “I’m an adult.  Not a child and I can make my own decisions about my own body.”

Natasha frowned and ran her hands through Wanda’s hair thinking about Wanda’s choice of words and her own background in the Red Room.

“No one has ever forced me. Though I heard their thoughts.  I still lacked autonomy.  Please, Natasha.  If it is something we both desire.”  Wanda reasoned.

Natasha grazed her teeth over her bottom lip as she looked down at Wanda.  Wanda’s eyes followed the slow drag hoping those teeth would do the same to her lips.  Natasha bunched Wanda’s hair in her hand and leaned in and kissed her.

There was a charge to it, the heat from Natasha’s lips seemed to spread through her and crackle against her skin.  Wanda ran her hands up under Natasha’s sleep shirt and brought one leg up pressing her thigh against Natasha’s pussy.  Natasha rocked against it as she kissed Wanda slowly and deeply.  Their tongues flicked against each other’s lips and circled together.  Natasha’s hands roamed over Wanda’s body.  It felt like an electrical current was left in the wake of her fingertips.  Wanda whimpered and hummed under the other woman’s touch.  When Natasha touched on her breasts, Wanda’s nipples hardened almost immediately.  Natasha pinched and pulled on them.  She broke the kiss suddenly, and even with her telepathy Wanda tipped forward.

Sleepshirts were removed and tossed aside and Natasha rolled over so she was above Wanda and straddled her thigh.  She kept rocking her hips as she trailed kisses along Wanda’s body.  She paused at her breasts, squeezing them and suckling on her supple flesh.  Wanda keened, arching her back and thrusting her chested against Natasha as a sharp pleasure pierced her nipple and slowly dragged out through her breast.  Her powers engaged on their own and the two women were engulfed in a warm red light that buzzed against their skin, making it prickle and break out in goosebumps.

“Wanda?”  Natasha asked, her voice coming out half-whisper, half-moan.

Wanda panicked and looked around wildly, sure that Natasha was disgusted or fearful of her even though she felt nothing even close to fear.  “I’m sorry I - I didn’t…”

“Shh… zaika.  It’s okay.  Feels good.  Can you focus it?”  She purred.

Wanda looked back down at her and slowly a smile spread over her features.  She twisted her wrist and curled her fingers and a ball of red energy focused on Natasha’s pussy and buzzed against her clit.  Natasha moaned loudly and snapped her hips against Wanda’s thigh.

Wanda could feel the echo of what Natasha was experiencing.  It made her own pussy tingle and slick.  “Oh…” She said softly.  The truth was, Wanda had never been with anyone sexually.  She could take care of herself but she never really had, it was hard to do when there were always people watching.  This was new and intense and with her powers, it just enhanced it all.

Natasha looked up at her, a dark smile on her face.   “That’s it.  Just like that.”

> [Art by Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa)

Wanda focused her powers tight on Natasha’s clit while she spread it out over the rest of her.  She used it to pinch and pull at Natasha’s nipples and run over her scalp.  Natasha moaned and began kissing her way down Wanda’s body.

Wanda tried to focus on what she was doing.  The sounds that Natasha made went right to Wanda’s core making her needy for more.  The fact she could feel what Natasha was feeling meant she knew exactly what was working and what wasn’t.  Her own pussy dripped and her need for relief made her rock her hips against Natasha as she tortuously kissed everywhere except Wanda’s pussy.  She sucked on the inside of her thighs hard enough to mark.   Wanda mewled, wanting more.  Needing it.  Her skin felt hot like at any moment she would burst into flame.

Her hips rutted against nothing and she tried to squeeze her legs together.  Natasha gently placed her hand on Wanda’s hip and placed a large open mouth kiss on her pussy.  Wanda clutched at the sheets and her powers flickered for a moment.  Natasha pulled back sucked on Wanda’s clit as he looked up at her.  “You okay, zaika?”

Wanda nodded.  Sweat had begun to bead on her forehead.  “Yes.  It’s a lot.”

“Want me to slow down?”  She asked.

Wanda shook her head.  “More.  Want more.”

Natasha smirked and ducked her head back down.  Her tongue swirled over her labia and focused on her clit.  As Wanda’s moans got louder and her pussy flooded she pushed a finger slowly inside her and began stroking her internal walls.  As Natasha brought Wanda closer and closer to her release Wanda worked her powers over Natasha.  It doubled the pleasure Wanda was experiencing, coiling in her gut and pressing down.  Her body spasmed suddenly and she came, it was more intense than anything she had experienced on her own. Her body jerked violently and her powers fizzled and winked out as it coursed through her.  Natasha eased up a little but kept going, her finger dragging over Wanda’s g-spot.  Wanda waved her hand and focused her powers into a ball pushing it into Natasha and fucking her with it as she returned the buzz over the rest of her.

They both cried out at the sudden intense sensation shared between them.  It wasn’t long before a second orgasm hit Wanda.  If the first was intense it barely touched on this one.  Lights popped behind her eyes and her powers flared and winked out bringing Natasha over with her.   Wanda’s vision went black for a moment and when it cleared Natasha was beside her stroking her hair.  “That was a big one, huh?”

Wanda chuckled weakly.  “That… I’ve never…”

Natasha kissed her and rolled out of bed.  “Let me get you some water and clean you up.  Then we should sleep.”

Wanda hummed.  She always had a slight doubt that she’d be able to sleep.  Tonight, she wasn’t worried at all.


	23. 8.4:  The Lonely Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Wanda corner Sam and bring him into the group.

There were days where Sam seriously questioned his life choices.  He had been chasing false leads on this friend… ex… whatever of Steve’s for years now.  While rationally he knew the guy was a victim too.  That he did really need help and if anyone could provide him with it, it was him and Steve.  The fact he was violent worried him.  Not to mention the fact the guy had torn his steering wheel out of his hands, torn off one of his wings, and kicked him off a helicarrier didn’t exactly endear him.

Sometimes he thought, given Barnes had already been on the run for over two and a half years that maybe he was better off not found.  There had been no word of a specialist assassin ghost taking out random targets.   Sam had basically been following a cold trail based on people seeing a guy with a metal arm.  He didn’t seem a risk.  Maybe it was better if he just had the time to heal alone.

Not that Steve was willing to let that happen.

That was another problem.  After his hook up with Steve, he’d started questioning himself again.  He hated feeling like that again.  He knew he was still attracted to Steve.  No, fuck that.  He’d fallen for him hook, line, and sinker.  Steve’s immediate leaving had been a serious blow to his ego.  The fact that not long after Steve had started to see Sharon and Sam now had to hear how hard long distance was at least three times a week was an extra stab to the guts.

Sam still felt that when he decided to do something when Steve asked him, he only did it because he knew it was the right thing to do.  Steve and Sam seemed to just be on the same wavelength when it came to a lot of things.  It was one reason why he followed him in the first place.  Sam hated taking orders these days.  He only did it because he agreed with them.

Only now, every time, he had to weigh up if he thought it was a good idea because it was a good idea or because Steve asked him.  He didn’t want to be the guy who just did things because his crushed asked him to and he hated that he now occasionally doubted himself.

He had tried to get his mind off the rejection.  He thought if he just could find someone else, even for a little while, he might stop doubting himself again.  Going out with Clint was not helping though.  He enjoyed being around Clint.  Most of the time anyway.  He was funny.  He didn’t take things too seriously.  He was attractive.  When they were out together they did get a lot of attention but now they’d become kind of celebrities and when people approached them it felt non-genuine.   Like they were just looking for a piece of the Avengers.

Also, he may or may not have been developing feelings for Wanda.

He felt terrible.  The poor woman had just needed a friend.  Someone to lean on and support her through the trauma she had experienced.  She wasn’t looking for the boyfriend.  He wanted to be that friend.  He might not know what being tortured and experimented on was like but he knew what it was like to have your parents murdered.  He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved in battle.  It made his heart hurt to see her so wounded.

Yet the more time he spent with her the more his feelings developed and grew.  Where most everyone else in the team had put up the wall around them to protect them, whether it be through snarky jokes or bravado or just simply holding people at arm’s length, Wanda was just soft and open to love.  She was scared yes.  She was powerful and dangerous to anyone who threatened her without a doubt.  Yet, even with all that, she was soft.  She sought out affection.  She loved to be touched and held.  When she smiled it lit up her whole face like she had a fire inside of her.  She allowed herself to be vulnerable.  He loved it.  He loved how different she was to just about everyone else.

Sam was beginning to wonder what the hell was wrong with him that he kept falling for people that were completely unattainable.  That maybe it was a leftover issue with losing Riley.  If you fall for people who you can’t have, there’s not a chance you will have to lose them.

He started spending more time flying and tinkering with his wings.  With Tony’s help, they made a little surveillance drone he could detach that Sam named Redwing.  Flying helped him clear his head.  He had the space to reflect and make sure he was still sure of who he was and what he was doing.

When he came in from flying to find Wanda and Natasha in the kitchen kissing he felt like his heart stopped.  The question of how many times he could lose out to SHIELD spies passed through his head quickly.  He tried to force it out so as not to freak Wanda out but it was too late, her head snapped over and she stared at him wide-eyed.

“Sorry.  Wanda.  That wasn’t… you don’t have to…”  Sam said holding his hands up defensively.

“What was that?”  Natasha asked smirking, her eyes drifting from Wanda to Sam.  “Thinking about a threesome, Wilson?”

“No.  He just thought he missed his chance to date me.”  Wanda answered.  “Only, I’m not sure… How did I not know you wanted to, Sam?”

Sam groaned and went to the fridge, grabbing himself an iced tea.  He unscrewed the cap and took a long swig before turning back to Wanda and Nat.

“I’ve been really careful with my thoughts.  I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”  Sam said.  “I thought you were with the other bird?”  He said accusingly gesturing to Natasha with his bottle.

Natasha pulled raised an eyebrow.  “Why would you think that?  He goes out on the prowl with you.”

Sam shrugged.  “He never picks up.  I thought it was for show.  So we all didn’t know about the two of you.”

She furrowed her brow.  “He doesn’t?”

Before Sam could answer Wanda piped in.  “Sam, Natasha, and Clint are in an open relationship.  She and I… are …”  She trailed off like she couldn’t quite find the word she was looking for.

“You’re open?”  Sam asked looking at Natasha.

“That’s right.  Why?”  Natasha asked suspiciously.  A smile formed on her lips and she took a step towards him.  “You want in?”

Sam tried not to let his thoughts betray him but the word threesome had already been thrown out there and the predatory way Natasha had just moved made the idea jump graphically to the forefront of his mind.  He was angry at himself, not because he didn’t want it.  He did.  He just had spent so much time trying to protect Wanda from these thoughts and now she must be hearing them all like he was screaming them at her.

“I’m not a child, Samuel,”  Wanda said moving towards him.  “I have these kinds of thoughts too.”

Sam swallowed.  “About me?”

She pressed herself against him and trailed a finger up his chest.  “We are bonded don’t you think?”

“I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me.  You’re my friend.”  Sam said, still holding himself rigidly against the fridge.

“I have felt nothing but safe around you, Sam.  You’ve made me feel a little less broken and a little more whole.”  Wanda said.  “I love you, Sam.  The Avengers are coming to be like my family.”

Sam thought for a moment that Wanda’s declaration of love should have scared him.  There was something about the delivery though.  The tone of her voice.  The context of the words.  Hadn’t he felt it too?  There was something different about being with the Avengers.  They weren’t just work-colleagues.  They were tighter than that.  Maybe the open relationship with Clint was Natasha’s way of dealing with those feelings.

“I feel that way too.”  He said putting his arm around Wanda’s waist.  She leaned up and kissed his jaw.  It was slow and lingering and it sent a shiver right down his spine that made his cock jump.  “Wanda?”

Wanda smiled up at him and ran her fingers up under his shirt.  “Oh, yes, Sam.  You can have both of us.”

He pulled Wanda close to him and brought his lips to hers.  He kissed her deeply.  She melted in against him and when his tongue teased her lips, she parted them allowing him access.  Natasha approached them both, she ran her fingers up Wanda’s back and leaned in kissing Sam’s throat.  He hummed as her teeth grazed over his skin.  “Maybe,”  She purred.  “We should go down to my apartment.”

Wanda pulled back and Sam chased her lips.  “Come on.”  Wanda teased.

Sam followed them to the elevator and when the doors closed Natasha pinned him to the wall and started kissing his throat.  He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled Wanda over to him kissing her again, he hummed savoring the feel of her lips against his.  His hands slid down to their asses and kneaded them.

Wanda hummed, her hands trailing up under his t-shirt while Natasha palmed his cock through his pants.  Sam groaned, his cock twitching in his pants as it hardened under her hand.  The elevator doors opened and Natasha took Sam’s hand and led him to her room.

When they got inside, Natasha led them down to her bedroom, unfastening Sam’s pants as she did.  He pulled his shirt off and leaned in kissing Natasha for the first time.  Where Wanda’s kiss had been soft and gentle, Natasha’s was aggressive and hungry.  She swirled her tongue with his and nipped at his lips.  Wanda pulled her shirt off and began running her fingers over Sam’s skin.  She leaned in and ran the point of her tongue up his pec and swirled it over his nipple.  Sam shivered and ran his hand up under her skirt and caressed her ass.

Natasha’s hand slipped into Sam’s boxers and wrapped around his cock.   Sam gasped and broke the kiss.  Natasha pushed him back onto the bed and pulled Wanda into a kiss.  Sam watched as they trailed their hands over each other and kissed slowly and deeply.  They began to move against each other like they were dancing.  Natasha’s leg slipped between Wanda’s and Wanda rolled her hips, grinding her pussy on Natasha’s thigh.  When Sam groaned and started pumping his cock as he watched them, Wanda broke the kiss and looked at him with lust darkened eyes.

“You like to watch, Sam?”  She asked.

Sam hummed.  “Oh god yes, girl.  You look so fuckin’ sexy.”

Wanda unbuttoned Natasha’s shirt and pushed it off.  With a flick of her wrist, her powers activated and she used them to unhook Natasha’s bra.  She leaned down and pulled Natasha’s dark pink nipple into her mouth and both Natasha and Sam moaned softly.

He reached over and ran his hand up the back off Wanda’s skirt over her ass and between her legs.  His fingers teased over the fabric now soaked with Wanda’s arousal.  He growled and pushed down, rubbing the fabric against her clit.  “So fucking wet, Wanda.  God, I wanna taste you, baby.”

Natasha looked over to him, a half smile playing over her lips.  “That sounds like a good idea.  Be a good girl, Wanda and let Sam taste you.”

Wanda released Natasha’s nipple and removed the last of her clothes as Natasha pushed Sam so he was lying back, with his legs still hanging over the edge of the bed.  Wanda climbed up so she was straddling Sam’s face and Natasha crouched down between his legs.  As he ran his tongue up the length of Wanda’s pussy, Natasha did the same to his cock.  Sam groaned as the tart-sweet taste of Wanda’s cunt coated his tongue and his stomach muscles tightened against the pleasant buzz swirling through him.

He used his lips to nip at Wanda’s folds and swirled his tongue around dipping it inside of her to taste from the source before lapping up and focusing on her clit.  Natasha meanwhile had taken his cock deep into the back of her throat and was using her tongue to massage his shaft.  He moaned deeply and grabbed Nat’s hair, just holding it as she sent waves of pleasure running through him.

Most of his focus was on Wanda though.  She reacted to him intensely, almost like there was more she was picking up on than just the way his tongue worked her clit.  She moaned and her pussy dripped down, coating his lips and filling his mouth.  She braced herself on his chest and rocked her hips against his face.  Her noises got louder and louder and each moan he gave from Natasha sucking his cock she echoed louder still.  Her hands tightened and her body tensed and with a loud cry and a flash of red light Wanda came.

Sam moaned and lapped her up, wanting all that she could give.  The sound she made sent a jolt pulsing down to his core muscles making him tense and his cock leak into Natasha’s mouth.  Wanda slipped from on top of him as Natasha pulled back.  They looked at each other for a moment.  Sam knew that they must be telepathically communicating because Wanda tilted her head to the side and her eyes had a red ring around it.

“Is something wrong?”  Sam asked.

Natasha shook her head.  “This is Wanda’s first time with a man.  We’re just discussing logistics.”

Sam turned to Wanda and wrapped an arm around her waist.  “With me?”

She nodded and dropped her eyes.  Sam tilted her chin back up and kissed her holding her close and thinking about how much he loved her and respected her.  Wanda hummed and guided him back straddling his lap.  She rocked her hips, rubbing her slick pussy against his cock.  He let her take the lead, his hands running over her skin and never breaking the kiss.  Natasha moved closer, sitting beside them watching as they kissed.  Wanda kept rolling her hips, a soft moan escaping her lips and being smothered by Sam’s.  Slowly, very slowly, she guided his cock inside of her.

She bit down on his shoulder and whimpered as she lowered herself down on his cock.  He could feel the tightness of her pussy stretch and adjust around him, but she was wet and ready for him and he let her take her time.  When he was in to the hilt, she pulled back and looked into his eyes.  “God, you’re so big.”  She whispered.

“You okay?”  He asked.

She nodded and started to bounce.  He lay back and ran his hands over her watching as she swirled her hips as she rode him.  She was beautiful like that.  Sweating and in control, but still soft and loving.  The epitome of the woman he loved.  He pressed a thumb to her clit and ran it in circles.  Natasha came over and straddled his face and the two women kissed deeply as they both began to ride him.

Despite the muffled nature of their moans, the sound still filled the room as they moved as one, each approaching orgasm.  The taste of Natasha mixed with Wanda, overwhelming his senses. Wanda came again, her cunt clenching around Sam’s cock as she trembled and cried out.  She slipped off him and Natasha took her place leaning over him and pinning his hands above his head.

“Oh fuck.”  He groaned.  “Nat, Jesus.”

She smirked at him and started to ride him hard, bouncing on his cock and pulsing her walls around him.  Wanda lay down beside them and rested her head on his shoulder.  She looked into his eye and they glowed red as a ball of red energy sparked on her fingers.  She rand it down his body and against Natasha’s clit.  He could feel the buzz in the base of his cock and along his balls making him arch up with a groan.  “Close.  Fuck.  Gonna come.”

“Just hold on a little bit longer.”  Natasha purred.

He furrowed his brow, focusing on holding on as Nat moved faster and faster.  Her orgasm hit and she threw her head back with a loud cry.  “Fuck!  Yes!”

Sam relaxed and let go, pumping her full of his seed.  He relaxed back, eyes closed for a moment as his orgasm passed through him in waves.

Natasha slipped from on top of him and lay down resting her head on his other shoulder.  “Welcome to the group, Sam.”  She hummed.


	24. 9.1:  Three Breakups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper is no longer able to deal with Tony’s inability to give up being Iron Man.

Tony still had trouble sleeping.  It had been years since he’d fallen through a hole in space and technically died, but he still couldn’t stop dreaming about it.  The obsession to fix the world had not abated at all since the day he blew up all his suits and promised Pepper he’d retired.  Yes, he’d made the Iron Legion, but he’d also made new suits.  New gear too that he could use instead of suits.  Hand blasters that fit into watch bands.  Glasses that doubled as visors.  He always felt vulnerable.  He had nightmares of losing the little cluster of people he’d come to think of as family.

So he stayed up constantly.  He wasn’t alone.  If he was in the lab, Bruce usually was too.  Sometimes they worked animatedly together.  Sometimes it was just silently, side-by-side, flicking notes back and forth as their latest project unfolded together.  Tony hadn’t felt as comfortable and relaxed around anyone for a long time.  Only really Rhodey compared in how comfortable he felt around another person.  He didn’t think he’d be able to develop that kind of trust again since the incident in Afghanistan.   He loved Pepper, he did.  Truly and deeply.  She did ground him in a way most other people couldn’t.  She made him want to be better even if he couldn’t always figure out the how.  When they were relaxed around each other it was blissful.  It’s just that they often fought.  She disagreed with him about a lot.  She lacked patience when he became hyper-focused or couldn’t keep his attention on any one thing.

Most of all she hated that he was still Iron Man.

It had made things tense at home and they’d been fighting a lot.  He understood why she was upset he just wished she understood why he had to keep doing it.  He wished she understood him.

The fights had meant that more and more he’d started hiding in the lab.  It was his safe space and with Bruce there he felt like it was more his home than anywhere else in the entire tower.  Only the more time he spent in it, the more they’d fight when he finally did make his way to the penthouse.  Which made him spend more time in the lab.  It was a self-perpetuating cycle of domestic discord and Tony felt like he was drowning and he couldn’t get out.

“Tony.  Go to bed.”

Bruce’s voice snapped him awake as his head nodded forward.  He shook himself and looked around, grinning at the other man.  “I’m fine.  Just zoned out for a second there.”

“You didn’t zone out, Tony.”  Bruce sighed. “You’re falling asleep on your feet.”

Tony waved him off, despite the fact he knew it was tue.  He’d been up for almost 70 hours now.  He was fairly certain his coffee to blood ratio was leaning more heavily to coffee and he felt sluggish and his head hurt.

“Tony.”  The tone that Bruce said his name lay somewhere between scolding parent and concerned lover.  “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

Tony’s shoulders slumped and he nodded.  “Maybe if I just go take a nap.”  He said closing up some of his programs.

“Sure, Tony.  A nap.”  Bruce said softly.

Tony patted his shoulder and headed to the elevator.  He rode it up to the penthouse and slumped inside, making a beeline to the bedroom.  Hoping that Pepper might already be asleep so he could avoid the conversation about missing dinner.

What he found was Pepper in the process of packing a suitcase.   He furrowed his brow and looked her over.  “Are you going somewhere?”

She turned startled before returning to what she was doing.  “Back to LA.”

“Some board meeting I didn’t know about?”  He asked relaxing a little and starting to shuck off his clothes.

“No.  I mean permanently.”  Pepper answered.

Tony froze.  It felt like time had stopped.  He instinctive reached for his left arm, hitting it to relieve the slight numbness he felt.  “No.  Pep.  Pepper, please.  You can’t do this.”

Her shoulders sagged and she turned around.  He had never seen her look so defeated before.  She always stood tall.  Held herself together.  Even when she was terrified he could count on that.  He’d finally broken her and he didn’t know if he could forgive himself.

“I have to, Tony.  I love you.  I do.  But this…”  She paused and let out a breath.  “I don’t know where you’ve gone.  I worry about you constantly.  I can’t live this way.”

“I’ll change.  I’ll come home on time.  I’ll be present.”  Tony said moving towards her and falling to his knees in front of her.  “Please, Pepper I need you.”

She sighed and gently stroked his hair.  “No, you won’t.  And no you don’t.  You have the Avengers.”

“Pepper… it’s not… I - I... l… fuck...”  He babbled trying to figure out what he could say or do to make this not happen.  The words ‘I love you’ might do it.  He knew the fact he couldn’t get them out was an issue.

“I love you too.  But it’s not enough.”  Pepper said gently.  “Sometimes people can love each other and not be right for each other.  You don’t even come home anymore.  I keep thinking you're cheating on me.”

Tony didn’t say anything he just held her, pressing his face into her stomach.  Pepper’s fingers slowed and she looked down at him.  “Tony?”

He didn’t answer again just nuzzled into her more not wanting to admit to his mistake.  Not wanting it to be the reason their relationship ended when it happened so long ago.  He couldn’t lie to her though.  So he just hid.

She tilted his face up to hers.  “Tony, please tell me you didn’t cheat on me.”

“I can’t.”  He said quietly.

She pulled away from him and crossed her arms over her chest.  He wasn’t even sure what the emotion he was reading was.  “How could I have possibly thought you had changed?  You can’t change, can you?  Can’t stop being Iron Man.  Can’t stop putting your dick in any random skank that gives you the time of day.”

“Pepper, it wasn’t like that.”  Tony pleaded.  “I … I … I …”  He wanted to say ‘love’.  Needed to say it, but couldn’t get the word out.  “Please listen to me.”

“You what?  Love me?  It wasn’t like that?”  Pepper scoffed, turning away from him and going back to angrily throwing clothes into her bag.  “You blew up all your suits.  You told me you were done.  No more Iron Man.  How long did that last?  A week?  Two?  Why would I think you’d given anything up for me.”

“It wasn’t like that.  I swear.”   Tony said getting to his feet and putting his hands on her shoulders.  “I need… can you… Would you just stop and listen to me.  I need you.”

“You need me?”  Pepper shouted.  “You need me?  I know you need me.  You couldn’t even tie your shoes without me.  What about what I need?  Have you thought about that for one second?”

Tony bunched his hands in his hair and pulled it in frustration.  He couldn’t seem to get his thoughts together in a logical order to make her understand what happened.  That he did want to change for her.  That he did care about what she needed.  “It was one time.  And it wasn’t just a random woman.”

Pepper turned to face him again.  “Oh, so it was someone we know?  That’s supposed to make me feel better?”  She snarked.  “Who was it?  Natasha?  I knew she was angling back before we were together, I thought she’d backed off.”

“You’re not… You’re not listening.”  Tony said frustrated.  He paced the room, his eyes flicking to everything.  The bed they shared.  Her stuff in piles around the place.  How much of it there was and how it definitely wouldn’t all fit in that bag and how was he supposed to come back in here when it had always been their place.  “It wasn’t a woman at all.”

Pepper stopped dead and stared at him mouth agape.  “You’re gay?”

Tony dropped his hands and stared at her blankly.  “No.  I’m obviously not gay.”

“You had sex with a man,”  Pepper said.

“There are other options on the Kinsey Scale,”  Tony said.  “It was just one time.  I’ve been faithful.  I want you to be happy.   Just tell me what to do.”

She barked out a laugh.  “You have a whole bunch of PhDs and not one of them taught you the definition of faithful?”  She scoffed.  “Tell me, Tony.  Was it someone I know?”  Tony dropped his eyes and nodded.  “Who?  Rhodey?”

“No.  Rhodey’s straight,”  Tony said quickly.

“And that’s the only reason?  If Rhodey was gay you’d be going at it like little-armor-plated bunnies I suppose.”  Pepper snarled.

Tony opened and closed his mouth like a fish trying to grasp for the words he needed here.  He didn’t even know what to say because maybe if Rhodey was gay they would be, but then if Rhodey was gay then Pepper wouldn’t be in the picture because he’d be with Rhodey.  But he knew that’s not what she wanted to hear.  She wanted to hear that she was the one for him there was no one else.  Tony wanted that to be true, but he didn’t believe in fate or soulmates.  He believed you found the person closest to your vicinity that got you best and you made it work.

“That’s all the answer I need.”  Pepper said rolling her eyes.  “So, not James.  Then who?  Bruce?  I’ve actually noticed the way you look at him.  You never leave the lab.  Been doing some practical biology with the good doctor?”

“What?  No.  Bruce… he… and I… I’m with you.   It’s you, Pepper.  I.. I...”  Tony babbled, putting his hand to his heart.  “Can you let me explain?”

Pepper crossed her hands over her chest and glared at him.  “Go ahead.  Explain to me how cheating is okay.”

Tony sighed.  “It was right after the New York … incident.  I was a mess.   There were aliens.  I died.  Out there I was tiny and nothing and I came back here and I didn’t even know who I was.  And Steve was there…”

“Steve?  It was Steve!”  Pepper shrieked.  “After all this time bitching about how your dad seemed to care about him more than you, you fuck Steve Rogers?”

“I didn’t…. I just blew him.  And then I realized what I did.  It’s the only time.  I swear.  I’ve just been trying to be good.  Make us safe.  Something’s coming and we need to be ready for it.”

Pepper let out a slow breath.  She approached him slowly and cupped his jaw, bringing her lips to his.  Tony wrapped his arms around her waist and melted into her.  He savored the way her mouth felt against his.  The way her lips caressed his.   The way her tongue slipped into his mouth and circled with his.  He wanted to lose himself in it.  To have it last forever.  He never wanted it to end because he knew when it did they would too and he didn’t know how he would be able to handle having another person he loved abandon him.

She pulled back and caressed his cheek.  “I love you, Tony.  I really do.  You mean something to me.  But I can’t do this anymore.  I wish I could.  I wish I had it in me to watch as you slowly kill yourself and kept repeating the same mistakes over and over.  But I don’t.  You can’t even say the word to me.”   She pulled away from him and went and zipped her bag shut.  “I’ll get Happy to organize the rest of my stuff to be shipped to me.  I’ll take care of the company you don’t have to worry.  But you and I are over.  Do me a favor and don’t contact me.”

She picked up he bag and wheeled it to the door.  Tony grabbed her wrist weakly in one last hope that she might see him.  That she could understand and support him.  He needed someone to do that.  He thought it was her.  “Pepper…”

She pulled away easily.  “Goodbye, Tony.  Take care of yourself.”

Tony sat down on the end of the bed feeling more alone than he had ever felt before and vowed he wasn’t going to let himself get hurt like that again.


	25. 9.2:  Three Breakups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane Foster has come to the realization that the perfect guy might not be perfect for her.

There was a crack of thunder and a torrent of rain appeared out of nowhere.  Jane sighed.  That was usually something that filled her with excitement.  Thor was here.  She’d get to see him again.  They could pretend for a little while they were a normal couple that did normal things.  It had been five years now.  Five years of never knowing if this was the time he wouldn’t come back.  Of being left alone for months or even years at a time.  Five years where it had slowly become apparent that despite the fact she knew he loved her, that was never going to be enough for him to prioritize her.

She didn’t blame him.  Not at all.  That was one of the problems.  Her blaming him made her feel unreasonable and irrational.  That it was wrong to want to be with someone that occasionally put her first when you could have a god.  She did get it though.  He was a god.  He was well over a thousand years old.  A few years were like minutes to him.  While she waited and worried and guessed at what he might be doing, it was just nothing to him.  That wasn’t his fault.  How could she blame him for that?  He couldn’t help that.

He also had a kingdom to run.  Whole planets in disarray that needed him now his father had passed.  Sometimes he had to help save this world.  It made sense that would be his focus of attention and not her.  Her work often took all her attention too.   It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t come home at the end of the day.  She got it.  She understood.

It didn’t help.  Knowing all that didn’t make her feel any less lonely when she wanted to see a movie and there was no one who would go with her.  It didn’t make her bed feel any less empty.  It didn’t make her worry any less that he had been hurt or killed and she had no way of ever finding out except to hope he’d show up again.  It didn’t make her feel any less abandoned.

It didn’t help that once again he’d shown up just as she thought it was time to move on.  It was like he was keeping her in this perpetual state of entropy.  Flicking back and forth between hot and cold and never able to proceed in any one direction for long enough to matter.  She had just been getting dressed for a date for crying out loud and yet here he came with his signature storm to make sure she was waiting for him still.

She straightened her hair and went and opened the door for him.  “Jane,”  He said, his eyes still full of that same warmth and love that always drew her to him.  When he cupped her jaw and pulled her against him she allowed it.  When his lips met hers and coaxed hers apart so his tongue could tease inside she welcomed it.  She loved him.  This is really what she wanted.  She wanted it to be the two of them.  She wanted there to be some way they didn’t have to give anything up or change who they were and still get to have this.

“I missed you.”  He whispered, his lips ghosting along her jaw and down her neck.  His large hands slid up under her skirt and over her ass and she melted against him.  While her mind screamed at her that she couldn’t keep doing this.  This wasn’t enough anymore.  She had to live her life and she couldn’t be kept dangling, waiting for Thor to come back to her again and again.  Her body betrayed her though.  It responded to his touch like it was coming home.

He began to walk her backward, breaking the kiss just long enough to pull her dress up over her head and toss it aside.  She slid her hands down his chest, her fingers caressing over his armor.  She wanted to stop.  She wanted to be strong enough to stop.  She prided herself on her strength normally.  The way that she took charge in her life and didn’t put up with anyone’s shit.  Thor was her weak spot and as he unfastened his armor and placed it on the floor with Mjolnir she wondered if she’d ever have the strength to say what she needed to say to him.

He was on her again as soon as his undershirt was off.  Kissing her hungrily and unfastening her bra.  The way his large hands explored her skin, both like a man discovering something new and wonderful and at the same time revisiting something familiar and loved, made her skin prickle and flush.  She worked to remove his pants but he stopped her lifting her onto the bed and crouching down on the floor between her legs.  He kissed her stomach and held her at the small of her back and all she could do was spread wider and open herself to him.  The way he was when he was around made her feel like a god above him.  Like she was worshipped.  He kissed down been her thighs starting softly, so it tickled and made her squirm and building up until he sucked dark red marks on her soft skin that would turn purple by the morning.

She moaned and bunched his hair in her hands, pulling on his long blond locks.  Her head fell back and her cunt flooded.  “Oh, Thor.”

The whispering of his name seemed to act as a command word and he pushed her panties aside and he ran first the point of his nose and then his tongue up the length of her pussy.  A deep pleasant rumble issued from within his chest.  It was a sound that said not only did he love being down there but he appreciated that she allowed it.  He sucked, first wide, fitting as much into his mouth as he could and then focused on the small nub of her clit.  She cried out and fell back on the bed, helpless before him as a wave of please tore through her.

His fingers were added and with them came electricity.  He dragged them over her internal walls and added a spark, it caused her core muscles to clench outside her control.  Making the already intense feeling deepen.  Her control of her own body slipped and all she could do was hold on and ride.

Thor ran his fingertips over her stomach and she could feel the way the current ran through her from the fingers within to the ones outside like he’d turned her into a living plasma ball.  The electricity seemed to run through her veins.  It coursed through her and pooled deep in her core pressing down on her.  He ran a static charge over her skin making her hair follicles stand on end and her nipples harder.

It quickly became too much.  She begged and pleaded, though she wasn’t sure what for exactly.  She didn’t think she could take it anymore but the last thing in the world she wanted was for him to stop.  Just when she thought it was too much, she couldn’t take it anymore, he would have to stop, her whole body seized up and she came.  “Thor!”  She screamed arching up off the bed.

He sat back and looked up at her grinning.  Looking like a puppy who had just learned a new trick despite the fact he’d used this particular one many times before.

“That was… amazing.”  She sighed, sitting up and offering him her hand.

He took it and let her pull him to his feet and then pushed him onto his back.  “It has been a long time.  I needed to taste you.”  He replied, helping her to unfasten his pants.

She worked them down and straddled his lap.  He grinned up at her and ran his hands up her sides and cupped her breasts.  She rocked against his cock.  It was thick and long and everytime he was away for a long period of time she worried that this time she wouldn’t be able to take it.  He always let her set the pace though.  He never made her feel like she had to or that she couldn’t stop at any point.  There was another problem.  How do you move on from Thor?

As she moved his cock became slick with her arousal as it seeped from within her.  She moaned softly, her head falling back for a moment as her core ached for him.  She reached between her legs and guided him inside her.  Her pussy stretched and squeezed around his thick shaft.   He sat up and wrapped his arms around her as she began to move against him, bouncing and swirling her hips so he reached every part of her.  He kissed her throat, his teeth grazing her skin and his tongue swirling over it.

Lightning began to dance on their skin.  Cool blue bolts of plasma flickering between them and illuminating the room in their soft glow.  She keened as she began to lose focus.  All that she knew was Thor’s body against her, inside her.  The pleasure it brought her.  The way it surged through her, building and drawing forth her climax.  It hit hard and she cried out with it, her cunt clenching and pulsing around Thor’s cock.  He buried his face in her neck and kept thrusting up into her, finally succumbing to his own and releasing inside her in waves.

The two fell to the mattress and Jane rested her head on his broad, muscular chest, lost in a post-orgasmic haze.  “I really did miss you, Jane,” Thor said, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“I missed you too.”  She said quietly. “How long will you be here this time?”

Thor shook his head.  “Tonight and tomorrow I fear.  I wish that it could be longer but the nine realms are in turmoil since the passing of my father.”

Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead.  Now was a terrible time to doing this conversation but what choice had he left her.  “Thor, you know I love you…”

“And I you.”  Thor agreed.

Jane sat up and looked down at him.   “I can’t just sit here waiting for you.  I have my work, yes, but I feel like I’m in some kind of limbo when you’re gone.  Not sure when or even if you are going to return.  I have needs…”

Thor looked up at her with a look of genuine confusion.  “If you would like to take other lovers that does not bother me.  On Asgard…”

“On Asgard? Thor?  Have you been sleeping with other people?”  Jane asked trying to suppress her outrage.  Not just by the fact she felt stupid that she had never checked what the customs regarding monogamy were on a whole different planet whose stories consisted of Loki seducing a horse, but that she had been stupid enough to stop using protection under the assumption that he was just sleeping with her.

Thor laughed and snaked his arm around her waist.  “No, my lover.  Fret not.  I know of the customs of Midgard.  I would not break your trust like that.  I merely bring it up because I do know this must be hard for you.  I wish that I could be here for you so that you had everything you need, but right now, my duty is to Asgard.  So if you would like to take other lovers…”

She sighed and shook her head.  “I don’t want other lovers.  I just want you.  That’s the problem.”  She cupped his jaw.  “You know since you took the throne, you have never offered to take me to Asgard?”

“You always turned me down.”  He said simply.

“That’s not it.  You know it’s not.  I'm… tiny to you.  I did the math.  My lifespan is the equivalent to a dog’s.  You might love a dog but you can’t have one as your queen.”  Jane said.

Thor sat and put his hand on her arm.  “My love for you is not tiny. You are everything to me.  If I could have you as my queen I would do it.  But you are here, with your work and your family.  You are someone here.  On Asgard…”

“I would be a novelty.  I understand.  You said I was everything to you.  But that isn’t true, Thor.  I’m not.  That’s okay.  I don’t blame you.  We do love each other.  Sometimes that’s not enough.”  She said.

Thor leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.  “I do not wish to lose you.”

“I know.  You were always going to though.  Even if I waited here forever, for you I would be gone in the blink of an eye.  It’s time to let me go so that maybe we can both find something more permanent.”  Jane said.

Thor let her go moving to sit on the side of the bed.  “I never meant to hurt you.”

“This isn’t your fault,”  Jane said coming up behind him and kissing his shoulder.  “Our world’s are too different.  Our lives are too different.  I’ll never stop loving you.  Just, this, can’t go on.  Or you will end up hurting me.”

Thor turned his head and placed his hand on her cheek before kissing her again. It was soft and deep and over far too soon.  “I wish you a good life.  I’m sorry that you couldn’t have it with me.”

“So am I,”  Jane said.

He got up and redressed in silence.  Her eyes followed him the whole time.  Before he left the room he turned and smiled sadly at her.  “I love you.”  He said.

“I love you too.”  She replied and he left.  When she heard the rain start and the loud crack of thunder she let herself cry.


	26. 9.3: Three Breakups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sharon realize that even for people like them, long distance doesn’t really work.

Steve woke to Sharon shifting beside him.  He opened his eyes slowly and he rolled on his side.  “Already?”  He said, his voice gravelly and sleep heavy.

Sharon nodded.  They had been trying this long distance thing for over a year now.  To begin with, the space had been good.  It had given them space to figure each other out and what they wanted exactly.  It let them come to terms with the fact that Steve had once had a relationship with her great aunt and for all three of them to deal with their different feelings about that.  It meant that there was no pressure for them to speed things along and Steve was given the space and time to work things out himself before directly jumping into bed with yet another person who showed him affection when he so badly needed it and then immediately overthink the whole thing.

Their relationship also meant there were no excuses that needed to be made.  No ‘I’m sorry, honey, the world needed saving.’  They both understood what the other’s job entailed.  They didn’t need to explain it or apologize.  Calling before and after a mission and if it was at all possible a text was enough.  No one got hurt by the fact they lived dangerously because they lived apart.

Only it had become more and more like a crutch.  Steve had tried to lie to himself and tell himself that Ultron’s words hadn’t gotten to him.  That he was something other than a soldier.  The truth was, he’d never been able to let them go.  Having Sharon not there meant he never fully had to commit.  He could always put Captain America first.  If there was no one waiting at home for him, what did it matter if he didn’t make it back?

“I need to be back in Berlin first thing in the morning,”  Sharon said looking back at him.  “I probably should have left an hour ago.”

Steve leaned over and ran his hand down her side.  She put hers on his and turned back to him and smiled.  “You sure you don’t want to be a little later?”  He asked.

“I’d love to,”  She said leaning down and bringing her lips to his.  The kiss was soft and lingering.  Steve hummed, though there was a sadness to the sound.

Sharon pulled back and stroked his jaw.  “This isn’t working anymore is it?”

Steve sighed and sat up.  “No.  Maybe it’s not.”

Sharon ran her hands through her hair and started getting dressed.  “I do love you, Steve.”

Steve watched her as she moved around the room in the semi-darkness, the light from the moon occasionally catching in her hair.  “I know you do.  I love you too.”

“I don’t want to give up my job.”  She said.

He shook his head.  “If you did, you wouldn’t be the woman I love.”

She smiled sadly and came over and kissed him again.  His hand went to her hair and he held her, not wanting it to end this time.  He savored the feeling of her lips, softly and giving moving against his.  She pulled back gently and leaned her forehead against his.  “You could work with the Avengers?”

She laughed and kissed his cheek going back to getting dressed.  “I love your faith in me.  But who would I be in the Avengers?  I can’t keep up with all of you.  You have an actual witch on your team now.”

“She’s not a witch,”  Steve said.  “You’re an amazing agent.  You’d fit in perfectly.”

Sharon rubbed her temples.  “I will always be available to help you, but the Avengers isn’t where I belong.  I work better in the shadows.  You all stand out and draw attention to yourselves.”

Steve smiled sadly.  “It was worth a shot.”

“You wouldn’t consider coming with me?  Finding something else for you to do?”  Sharon asked.

“They wouldn’t let me,”  Steve said simply.

“Who wouldn’t?  The other Avengers?”  Sharon asked.

“Everyone.  The world.  I can’t get away from it.”  Steve answered.

Sharon sighed and sat back down on the end of the bed.  She patted his leg.  “You can only live your life for you, Steve.”

Steve sighed. God, how he wanted her to be right.  To just be able to not be Captain America anymore.  He had wanted that back when he’d crashed the plane into the ocean in the first place.  They’d just dragged him out and thrown him back into it though.  This is who he was.  Who he’d always be.  What he would give just to be able to stop again.

He had now made a family out of the people who had fought by his side.  It was dysfunctional, but he loved them.  Giving it up just wasn’t an option for him in the world as it was.  Really, he knew Sharon knew that.  This was just a dance because they wanted everything and they did love each other.  Unfortunately that’s not the way life works and eventually, someone has to compromise and neither of them was the kind of people who do.

Steve wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the side of her neck.  “I don’t want this to end.”

Sharon hummed and rubbed Steve’s hip.  “I know.” She turned her head.  “If you ever want to hook up…”  She joked.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”  Steve chuckled.

Sharon turned and faced him.  “You know how you told me about you and Sam?”

Steve nodded.  “Yes?”

“I think you should explore that more.  I think there’s something there.”  Sharon said.  “And I don’t mean that in a jealous way.  I really, really just want you to be happy.”

Steve shook his head.  “I think Sam has been brought into Nat and Clint’s thing.”

She smirked and leaned in and pecked his lips.  “Well… still.”  She said and stood.  “Take care, Steve.”

“You too, Sharon.”  He replied with a half smile.

She patted his arm opened her mouth again and closed it shaking her head.  “I hope you can find what you’re looking for.”

“Me too.”  He said and wasn’t sure if he was talking about her or himself.


	27. 10.1:  The Broken Assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam talk about the potential of being more than just friends.

Sam had been working closely with Steve for months now.  They seemed to be narrowing in on James Barnes and it had made them double down in their efforts.  Prior to this Sam had mostly been left alone to follow his own leads.  Steve had always been caught up with Avengers’ business.

Steve’s breakup didn’t seem to affect him as much as Sam had thought it would.  Though Steve was pretty good at bottling things up.  Sam started toying with the idea of asking him out again.  Maybe doing what they should have done the first time and actually dated rather than falling into bed together.  Since he had gotten to know Steve he had realized how out of character that was for him.  How much he had been flailing and trying to cling to anyone that would provide him with something rather than just take from him.

Only he loved Wanda and was enjoying what he had with her and Nat.  It wasn’t typical but his life was pretty far from typical.  He didn’t want to give them up or hurt her.  He knew that she’d be okay with him seeing Steve as well, they were open after all.  He just didn’t think that there was any way that Steve would agree to that.  So in his head, he couldn’t see starting anything with Steve would end in anything other than having to make a choice.

Sam was annoyed with himself.  Mostly because he hated how cliche a love triangle was.  He was much better than that.

Steve got up and stretched.  “This paper trail seems like a false lead.”  He said.

“Yeah.  I agree.  He’s been so careful I can’t see him having settled like that.  He’s set it up somehow but maybe if we follow it back to the source.”  Sam agreed.

“How about we go get a drink?”  Steve said, picking up that tan jacket he wouldn’t seem to let go of.

Sam looked up at him with his eyebrow raised.  “You mean out?”

“Yeah, why not?”  Steve said.

“Out, out?  Like at a bar?”  Sam asked getting up.

“Yes.  Out, out.  Let’s go get a drink.”  Steve said.  “Or… Or do you have plans with Wanda?”

“No.  No plans.”  Sam said grabbing his jacket.  “Let’s do this.”

The two of them headed out into the hall and to the elevator.  “So how’re things going with you and Wanda?”

Sam shifted uneasily.  The little arrangement he had with Nat and Wanda had always been played lowkey.  Natasha and Clint didn’t seem to like to admit they cared about other people.  Whereas Wanda was still just trying to find her place in the scheme of things.  “Good.  It’s - we’re pretty casual.  I mean, I love her, but…”

“She’s part of Nat and Clint’s whole thing?”  Steve said.

Sam looked at Steve confused.  “You know about that?”

Steve nodded.  “Oh yeah.  Probably more than you.  Nat and Clint used to have a thing with Hill and a guy called Phil.”

“That agent that Loki killed?”  Sam asked.

Steve nodded.  “That’s the one.  After he was killed Hill pulled away and Nat and Clint didn’t like the idea of being monogamous.  They tried to get me to join them.”

Sam snorted.  “That seemed like a long shot.”

Steve shrugged.  “I was tempted.  I was pretty alone back then.”

“And so you came and hit on me.”  Sam teased.

The elevator stopped and the two men got out and made their way to the secret entrance.  “Yeah.  I’m so sorry about that.  I can’t tell you how much I regret doing that to you.”

Sam patted him on the shoulder.  “It was years ago.  We moved on.  At the time I was pretty personally attacked by it, but I know you now.  I know it was just part of something you were going through.”

“Still.  I feel the explanation is way overdue.  It was out of character.  I was such a mess back then and you were the first person who just looked at me and didn’t see a potential weapon to wield.”  Steve said.

“Really, Steve.  It happened.”  Sam said.  They reached the bar and made their way inside.  Steve went to the bar and ordered two beers and they took them to an empty table in the corner.  

“Wanna know something I’ve never told you?”  Steve said as they sat down.

“Yeah?  What’s that?”  Sam asked, genuinely curious.  This conversation had come a little out of the blue.  Steve was his best friend and while he wasn’t the most open person generally they didn’t keep things from each other too often.  He hadn’t expected to go out and talk about the time they had hooked up.

“I slept with Tony too,”  Steve said.

“What?”  Sam exclaimed.  “Cap!  What the hell, man?  When?”

“Back just after the New York thing,”  Steve answered.

“Wait.  Wasn’t he with Pepper then?”  Sam asked.  “And wait, he likes dudes?”

“I guess so.  And yeah they were.  I didn’t know that.  I didn’t really know anything except he was Howard’s son.  I’d only been out of the ice a few weeks.  We were stressed.  I was lost.  He wasn’t sleeping.  I don’t know.  It was a mistake.”   Steve explained.

“So what was I?  Mouthwash?”  Sam asked.

“No.  No of course not.  I just… I think… I think I should have asked you out properly.”  Steve said running his hand along the back of his head.  “I think I panicked.  The morning after Tony, Pepper showed up and obviously, I felt like shit.  He freaked.  Hadn’t been thinking.  Stress and adrenaline and all that.  So I meet you and the same day again.  Afterward, I just think, what the hell, you’re doing it again?  It wasn’t who I wanted to be and I ran.  I shouldn’t have.”

Sam ran his thumb up and down the edge of his glass.  “I don’t regret it you know?”  Steve looked at him.  His blue eyes seemed to be scanning him, looking for the but.  Sam reached over and rubbed his arm.  “I don’t.  Would I have liked for you to stay for breakfast?  Sure I would have.  Lots of breakfasts.  You weren’t in the right place then.”

Steve sighed and shook his head.  “Did I… No never mind.”

“Did you what?”   Sam asked.

“No.  It’s not fair.  Forget it.”  Steve said, shaking his head again.

“Cap, we’re friends.  Just say it, man?”  

Steve took a swig of his beer while Sam kept his eyes locked on Steve trying to figure out what the question was.  When Steve swallowed he took a deep breath and spoke.  “Did I miss my chance forever?”

Sam sighed.  “You just broke up with Sharon.”

“I know.  I know.  And I know that this looks like me just trying to find a rebound.  It’s not.  I swear.  Let me explain.”  Steve said quickly.

Sam had stiffened and moved away from Steve a little.  He hated this feeling of second best he was getting from the question.  Like he would only do now Sharon was out of the picture.

“I’m not saying now.  And… the thing with Sharon, I was hiding in it.”   Steve said.  “Not that I don’t care for her. I do.  It’s more,”  She ran his hand through his hair in frustration.  “She was safe.  She wasn’t here so it never had to be serious.  I didn’t have to worry about committing early because she wasn’t.  It was easier to tell myself if it didn’t work out with her it wasn’t my fault.  When we came back to you.  Me and Nat…. and you just followed us and trusted me, I thought about apologizing and asking if we could try again, but all I could think was I would fuck this up and hurt you and it would be all my fault.  I couldn’t do that to you, Sam.”

Sam dragged his hands down his face.  “You’re an idiot, you know that?”  He said and took a long drink of his beer.

“Yeah.  So I’ve been told.”  Steve said.

“I can’t hurt Wanda.  That girl has been through too much.”  Sam said.

“I understand,”  Steve said and lifted his glass to his lips.  He lowered it again and furrowed his brow.  “But you feel that way about me?”

Sam sighed.  “Yeah, Steve.  I’m fine with just friends.  I’ve been doing just friends for years now.  I believe in what we do here.  I think I needed it.  And you.”

Steve didn’t raise his eyes, he just spun the glass on the spot.   Sam looked at him quizzically, trying to work out what it was he was thinking right now.  Normally he could read every dumb thought that Steve had, but now he had no clue.

“You can see other people right?”  Steve asked.  “With Wanda?  It’s open?”

Sam leaned back in his chair.  “Yes.  But that’s not you, man.  You aren’t the open relationship type.”

Steve shrugged.  “I’ve done it before.”

“What?  When?”  Sam asked.  He definitely hadn’t seen that coming.  Steve wasn’t exactly conventional but he definitely seemed to have clear ideas about relationships.

“With Bucky.  Before I was this…”  Steve said gesturing to himself.  “I mean, he saw other people, I saw him.  I don’t care if you love someone else.  I don’t care if you see other people too.  I care about you.  I want you.”

Sam shifted his chair a little closer to Steve and put his hand on the middle of Steve’s back.  “You just got out of a relationship, Cap.”

Steve nodded.  “I know.  I know.  It’s too soon.  But it’s been too long too.  I keep doing things that take me further away from having something to actually live for.  To actually be happy.”

Sam looked into the blue of his eyes and his hand ran in circles on his back.  He tried to think of all the words to say how he felt.  How he wanted this.  How he was scared Steve would hurt him again.  That he would end up hurting Steve.  Or Wanda.  Or Nat.  How he wished Steve had moved sooner.  Instead, he leaned in and they kissed.


	28. 10.2: The Broken Assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam convinces Steve to tell Tony the secret he’s been keeping

Over the next few months, Steve and Sam went from slowly and tentatively, feeling out a new relationship with these terms that didn’t fit convention, to living together.  Sam still saw Wanda and Natasha but Steve was surprised by how it didn’t bother him.  Back when he dated Bucky and Bucky kept looking for more, it had often made him feel like he wasn’t enough.  That there was some itch Bucky had that Steve would never be able to scratch.  With Sam, it wasn’t like that at all.  With Sam he knew that he was enough, it’s just that Sam had the capacity to love infinitely.

Steve understood it because he’d been feeling it too.  Back before the war, Steve had been starved of love and affection.  His mom had loved him and Bucky had loved him and that was it.  It wasn’t until he’d joined the army that he’d experienced what it was like to be loved and love two people at once.  Now, he’d gathered this - family - around him and he loved them.  Even though it was only Sam he was exploring the sexual part of it with, he did love all of them.  So if Sam felt that way and wanted to have a physical aspect to that love, that was fine too.  Maybe one day Steve might do that too.

For now, he was happy just having that with Sam.  He loved waking up next to him in the morning on the nights he’d slept over.  He loved the amount of touching and kissing they did when they made breakfast together.  He loved the way Sam could read when he was uncomfortable.  That he knew when to stop if he was, but more so he knew when to push him just outside them so he could grow.  He loved the way Sam smiled and teased his slightly awkward attempts at romance.  He loved the way he accepted his love.

Steve Rogers loved Sam Wilson.

If he had to share him, it was worth it.

Sam being there in the tower, working with him, being there when he got home, it was changing Steve.  He could feel it.  With Sharon, he had worried about her when her work gave her a dangerous mission, but the fact they spent months apart at a time meant the urgency wasn’t there.  When he went away on a mission he never felt the need to be careful or hurry back.  He was just returning to an empty apartment anyway, so what was the point rushing?  Now he had to worry.  If Steve was reckless Sam chewed him out.  If he was late and didn’t call, Sam snarked at him.  It made Steve realize that it was not just about him anymore, that there were people who did actually care if he didn’t come home.  Not only that but he wanted to come home to Sam.  He wanted to not be the cause of his stress or worry.

The search for Bucky had been narrowing in.  They knew he was in Romania.  Initially, they thought he had been living rurally.  There had been confirmed sightings in Bucharest but they were sparse and broken up by rumors of a man with a metal prosthetic working on farms in the surrounds and slightly further out.  The belief was he was living transient and coming into the city only if he really needed to.  Lately, the confirmed sightings were getting more and more regular in the city. It was like he had finally felt comfortable enough to create something at least semi-permanent and now the locals had started to notice him.  They just needed to narrow down the location.

“You’re gonna have to tell Tony, you know?”  Sam said as he moved some files around.

“Tell Tony what?”  Steve asked.  He asked even though he knew the answer.  He’d been avoiding it.  He didn’t want to hurt Tony.  He didn’t want to be the one that told him his parents hadn’t died in a car accident.  He didn’t want to be the one that told him it was his Bucky that did it.  Part of him thought it was better if Tony never knew.  Right now they’d died in a terrible accident, but that was it.  An accident.  There was so much betrayal in Tony’s past, maybe he didn’t need to know about this one.

“You know, man,”  Sam said without looking up.  “If you think Barnes has a shot of being released into our custody after all the dust settles, you gotta come clean with him now.”

Steve pushed his chair away from the table and sighed massaging his temples.  “You’re right.”

“I usually am,”  Sam said.   “You wanna go rip that band-aid off and I’ll make sure when you come back home there’s a nice home cooked meal for you,”   Sam said getting up.  He moved behind Steve and ran his hands down his shoulders, teasing his lips down Steve’s neck.  “Play your cards right and maybe you can have something fun for dessert.”

Steve hummed and tilted his head, capturing Sam’s lips.  Sam’s hand went to Steve’s hair and he tugged on it.  The little pull against Steve’s scalp made him hum.  “That sounds good.”  He said pulling back and leaning his forehead against Sam’s.

“You know it does.”  Sam agreed.  “Now, go on.  The longer you wait the worse this is gonna be.”

Steve stood and took a deep breath in strode off to find Tony.  Not that it was hard.  He was in his lab.  He was always in his lab since Pepper had left.  If Tony hadn’t been sleeping much before the breakup, he wasn’t at all anymore.  He’d go almost a week without even taking a nap.

Steve entered the lab.  Tony was standing at a bench with his music blaring and he was bent over what looked like the arm segment of one of his Iron Suits.   Steve cleared his throat but Tony didn’t look up.

“Tony?”  He said.

Tony startled and looked up.  His eyes were bloodshot and when he spoke his voice was raw and scratchy.  “Oh, hey Cap.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“When was the last time you slept?”  Steve said, furrowing his brow.

Tony waved him off and shook his head.  “What’s sleep?”

“Tony…”  Steve said, gently.

“Okay, I get it.  You’re worried about me.  Is that it?”  Tony huffed.

“Yeah.  We really need to talk.”  Steve said.

Tony bent back over the part he was working on.  “So talk.”

“It’s about your parents,”  Steve said moving closer.

Tony looked up.  “Got some tale of the good old days you wanted to impart?”

Steve took a seat on one of the stools near Tony and ran his hand down his face.  “I don’t even know how to do this.”

Tony furrowed his brow and started tapping the screwdriver against the bench.  “What it is?”

“Your parent’s death.   It wasn’t an accident.”  Steve said.

“What?  Yes, it was.  They were in a car accident.”  Tony said.  Steve shook his head and Tony started to pace.  “It was.  It was an accident.  I’d come home from college and Howard tore into me.  Then they went to catch a flight and he crashed the car.  I’d pissed him off so much he got distracted and crashed the car.”

The way Tony always just blamed himself for everything bad that had ever happened always made Steve hurt for him.  For Tony it wasn’t Obadiah Stane’s fault for betraying Tony and attempting to have him killed, it was his fault for making Stane want to do this is the first place.

“That’s not how it happened,”  Steve said.  Tony stopped pacing and looked at Steve.  The pain written on his features cut through to Steve’s core.  “Your parents were killed by an assassin working for HYDRA.”

“What?”  Tony asked.  “No.  Not my mom.  My mom wasn’t part of all that.”

Steve got up and put his hand on Tony’s shoulder.  “I think it was a case of no witnesses.”

Tony leaned into Steve a little like he couldn’t hold himself up anymore.  “You’re sure?”

“Positive,”  Steve said.

“How?  How do you know?  Why do you know that?”  Tony asked.

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly.   “That friend of mine I’m trying to find.  The one that HYDRA…”

“It was him?”  Tony said cutting Steve off.   He looked at him startled.  “They used your friend to kill my mom?”

Steve nods, watching Tony’s features change as he processed the information.  His eyes darted up and he glared at Steve.  “How did you find out?”

Steve sighed.  He was most worried about this part.  His selfishness of wanting to protect Tony and more so himself had meant this had dragged out for far too long.  Tony might forgive a brainwashed assassin he didn’t know for something outside his control.  He would have a lot more trouble forgiving his friend for keeping that from him just to protect himself.  “Back when SHIELD fell.  Nat and I went to an old base.  There was a computer system.  It had all these details about how HYDRA had been manipulating everything.  Taking out threats if need be.   Howard had been one of the threats.”

Tony furrowed his brow.  “That was years ago.  You’ve known for almost four years and you’re only just telling me now?”

“I was trying to protect you,”  Steve said his jaw stiffening.

“You were trying to protect yourself!”  Tony shouted, throwing his screwdriver down on the bench.  It ricocheted off the table and flew along the floor.  “And what?  You bring this to me now because why?  You’re close to finding him?  You want me to be okay with the guy who killed my mom living here with me?”

Steve didn’t say anything.  He didn’t really know what to say.  That was exactly it but hearing it out loud made the guilt feel almost unbearable.

“It was!  You come here acting like your here to serve some penance.  So I get to know the truth.  Poor little Tony Stark always feels so guilty, I’ll help set his mind at ease so he can stop blaming himself for mommy and daddy’s death.  When all you really wanted was your precious boyfriend to come to live here and you not to feel guilty about it!”  Tony raged.  He began pacing again and Steve just wanted to get up and wrap his arms around him and tell him he was sorry and that it would be okay.  That he was here for him.  All he could do was stand silently and let Tony hate him.

“Tony,”  He said softly.

“Don’t Tony me!”  Tony yelled.  “Just get out!  Go find you precious little murderer.  Get out of my life!”  He slammed his hand across his workbench sending components and tools flying.  Steve opened his mouth to say something and Tony glared at him.  “Don’t even bother saying it.  Get.  Out.”

Steve sighed and turned.  He wasn’t going to just force Tony to bear this alone too.  For now, he’d let him process.  He hoped he hadn’t just ruined their friendship forever.


	29. 10.3: The Broken Assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey implores Tony to seek out some help.

Tony went straight to the bar in his penthouse and drank until he passed out.  Over the course of the next week, he remained in either a state of near exhaustion or blackout drunk.  His self-loathing hadn’t been higher.  It felt like he had now had almost every single significant person in his life betray him.  He didn’t know how he could keep doing this and not just give up.   So he closed himself off.  He stopped taking calls from anyone.  Even Bruce and Rhodey.  He could just see it as being a matter of time before they realized what a worthless piece of shit he was too and tried to destroy him.

The problem with Rhodey was he never let that happen.

“Come on, man.  Get up.”  Rhodey said, shoving Tony.  Tony was drunk.  Really, really drunk.  Normally when he got this drunk he looked for someone, or two someone’s he could take to bed.  He hadn’t had sex since before Pepper left him though.  His libido was shot.  His will to live was only hanging on by a few tentative threads.  Seeing Rhodey now had made him realize how stupid he was not to have called him.

“Hey, cuddle bug.”  Tony slurred sitting up and reaching for Rhodey.

Rhodey let him grab him and took the opportunity to pull the almost empty bottle of Glenlivet from his hand. “I’m not going to let you do this to yourself again, Tony.”

“Do what exactly?”  Tony asked tugging Rhodey down beside him.

“This.  This self-destructive pity party.  So Pepper left you.  That sucks, man, but you’re not the first person to ever get broken up with.”  Rhodey said.  “Now, straighten up.  Get your head back on and get back in the game.”

Tony shook his head and nuzzled against Rhodey.  “Oh, honey bear, you’re the only one for me.”

“Cut it out.”  Rhodey snapped.  “I mean it.”  He turned and looked at Tony.  Tony had trouble focusing on him and he patted Rhodey’s cheek.  “You’re gonna go take a shower and then you’re getting into bed.  Tomorrow you’re gonna find yourself a therapist.  This has gone on long enough.  You should have been seeing one when I met you.”

“Can’t sleep,”  Tony said.

Rhodey got back up and pulled Tony with him.  “You can sleep with me tonight.”

“You should buy a guy dinner first.”  Tony joked as he let Rhodey pull him along.

“Sleep, Tony.  Just sleep.”  Rhodey said rolling his eyes.  “Shower first.  Alone.”

Tony slumped after his friend, dragging his feet along the polished timber floors.  “I don’t know why you bother with me.  I’m obviously a piece of shit.”

Rhodey turned back and furrowed his brow.  “What is this about?  It’s not just Pepper.  It got worse.  What happened?”

“Cap…”  Tony said softly.

“What about, Cap?”  Rhodey asked.

Tony rubbed his head and immediately started pacing.  “He knew.   He knew the truth and he kept it from me to protect himself and his precious little murder friend.”

Rhodey stepped in front of him and put his hands on Tony’s shoulders.  “English please.”

Tony took a breath and tried to get his drunk muddled thoughts in order  “That friend of his… the one he’s looking for.  The HYDRA one.”

“What about him?”  Rhodey said, the exasperation evident in his voice.

“He killed mom,”  Tony said, his voice cracking.

Rhodey wrapped his arms around his friend and Tony just melted against him and started to cry.  Crying wasn’t something he ever allowed himself to do, and it took a lot for him to let it happen in front of other people.  His body shook as the weight of everything seemed to come out through the tears he was shedding.  “Cap knew and he told you that?”

“Yes… yes… but not for three years.  He only told me because he wants to bring him here and doesn’t want to feel guilty about it.”  Tony explained.

Rhodey didn’t say anything for a while, he just held Tony as he sobbed.  “Maybe he was trying to protect you.  What difference does knowing make?”

“What difference?”  Tony said pulling back.   “I blamed myself and all along it was his that… that… monster’s fault.”

Rhodey frowned.  “I’m on your side.  I’m just… I want you to be okay, Tony.  Steve fucked up.  Big time.  Do you think he is a bad person?”

Tony bunched his fists.  “No.”

“Do you think he was trying to hurt you?”  Rhodey asked.

Tony dropped his eyes and shook his head.

“Then I guess you gotta decide if what he did was forgivable.  If you still want him in your life.”  Rhodey said.   “If you do, you have to figure out how to be okay with this.  If not, maybe it’s time to rethink what the Avengers are.”

Tony nodded.  He didn’t want Steve out of his life.  He knew that.  He didn’t call people friends easily and he had never in a million years expected to call his Father’s perfect little Captain one of them.  Yet he did.  This had felt like a betrayal.  Worse still, Steve expected that Tony would just roll over and show his belly and let the man who murdered his parents live under the same roof as him.  Tony wanted to get past it.  He did.  He just didn’t know how.

“Alright.  Something to sleep on.”  Rhodey said, pushing Tony toward the bedroom.  “Tomorrow you’re going to find yourself a therapist.  Maybe you can ask Wilson.  He knows people.  For now.  You absolutely need to sleep.”

Tony let Rhodey guide him to the bathroom.  When he was alone he stripped off and hopped under the water.  He remembered how hard it was to start showering again after Rhodey found him in Afghanistan.  How as soon as the water had touched his head he had flashed back to them strapping him down and pouring water over his face so his airways became clogged with it.  He still couldn’t submerge his head in a bath, but he’d gotten used to the showers.  He could get past this too.  It was what he did.

When he got out and dried off he returned to his bedroom to find Rhodey in his bed.  He had no shirt on and he was sitting up, looking at his phone.  “You’re really going to sleep with me?”  Tony asked pulling on some boxers.

“I said I would.  Look, man, I know you sleep better with someone in your bed.  Half the reason you slept around so much was because you liked someone else there.  If this helps I’ll do it.”  Rhodey said.  “But I’m not spooning you.”

“You have pants on right?”  Tony asked.

Rhodey rolled his eyes.  “Yes, I have pants.”

“Well alright then.  I’ll be the big spoon.”  Tony teased as he climbed into the bed.

“No spooning at all,”  Rhodey said, settling down into the bed.

Tony switched the lights off and settled down into the bed.  It was nice having another body in there with him.  He wondered if there was a way he could just have this part with someone.  Even without sex, he just wanted someone he loved that he could curl up in bed with and get some actual sleep.  As he drifted off to sleep he was thinking not about how he’d been hurt but about how lucky he was to have Rhodey as a friend.


	30. 10.4:  The Broken Assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam finally track down Bucky

Bucky made his way through the streets of Bucharest.  He had been venturing out more and more lately.  He felt invisible here.  Just another face in the street.  People minded their own business.  He still didn’t go far though.  He tried not to keep the same patterns.  It was easy to find people when they kept routines.  So he didn’t.  He never left the apartment at the same time.  He never walked the same path in any sort of regular pattern.  Even taking into account that he was being precautious and not straying far, he had started to feel comfortable.

Being on the run had been tough.  He was used to staying invisible.  It had been drilled into him along with how to murder someone with his bare hands.  He could cross borders, avoid law enforcement, steal if need be.  What they never taught him to do was take care of himself.  It became a journey of remembering himself.  He forced himself to remember the lives he took as the soldier.  As hard as it was, and as heavy as that burden was, he owed those people to carry it with him.

Remembering what they did to him and what they made him do was easier than remembering who he used to be.  As he moved from eating cold food out of cans just to feed his body to taking the time to find fresh produce that tasted good raw, to relearning how to cook, he began unlocking memories.  Cooking became a kind of therapy.  It reminded him of growing up and helping his mom.  Of making a soup out of the few things they could afford when Steve was sick.  Of how much he liked science.  It was also nice to use these hands that were stained in the blood of others to create for a change.

As memories began to unlock he remembered Steve more and more.  He began collecting things he found about him.  The pamphlet from the museum exhibition, newspaper clippings, articles from magazines.  He would go to visit libraries and paw through books or use their computers to trawl through the internet.

To begin with, the memories were almost academic.  It was like he was remembering things he’d read in a book once.  He knew there was affection involved but the same kind of affection you might have for a book you remembered liking as a kid but couldn’t quite remember what happened in it.

Bucharest was where things began to return properly.  He woke up from a dream, not unusually in of itself.  Nightmares plagued him so much he was glad to have two hours of uninterrupted sleep.  This dream was not that.  He was having sex with a skinny blond man.  It was someone he loved deeply and in the dream, Bucky lay on his back as the man penetrated him and looked down at him with bright blue eyes smiling even though his breathing was labored.

He woke to the realizaton that he’d been dreaming of Steve and that it wasn’t a dream it was a memory.  He was also rock hard and for the first time in over seventy years, Bucky Barnes masturbated.  He thought of Steve both as the skinny sick guy he had been in love with back then and the large guy who he had fought on the bridge.  He imagined what it would be like to have Steve inside him.  To have his hand wrapped around his cock.  The way his lips would feel caressing his and kissing their way down his body.

So even as Bucky began to build a life here in Bucharest, remembering the language as it had been drilled into him as the soldier.  Learning new recipes.  Finding work that paid in cash under the table.  Helping his elderly neighbors with odd jobs and getting paid in home cooked meals.  He began to miss Steve and wonder if he found him again would there be any chance of resuming their life together.

As much as he wanted it, and dreamed about it, he could not imagine the Steve Rogers he knew wanting anything to do with the thing they’d turned him into.  So instead he opted to stay hidden.

He made his way across the street to the market stalls.  He never bought much.  He felt like as soon as he relaxed enough to buy a full weeks worth of groceries they’d catch him.  Besides he liked food to be fresh.  After seventy years trapped in a nightmare, biting into fresh fruit made him feel alive.  Police sirens sounded and he flinched, expecting this to be the moment, but as the cars flew past he relaxed again.

He selected some plums that looked fresh picked that day along with some vegetables for making a ratatouille for dinner that night.  He made his way back to the block of apartments he’d made his home in.  They were large and white and made no pretext of being anything but slums.  He made his way up the stairs.  There was an elevator and while both it and the stairs smelled like piss, being locked in a piss smelling box was infinitely worse than being in a piss soaked open space.

He fumbled with his keys a little as he unlocked the door, but it swung open far too easily.  He stepped into the room going through the process of what he needed to do to grab his bag and get out depending on how many people were there.  He stopped dead when Steve looked up at him from one of his notebooks.

“Do you know me?”  Steve asked.

Of course, Bucky knew him.  It was his Steve.  He wanted to run into his arms to hold him.  To be held by him.  To have his little Stevie to look after him the way he used to take care of Steve.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted though.  He couldn’t be locked up again and the urge to just fight his way past him felt overwhelming.  He stood frozen and decided to lie.  If he could seem helpless maybe Steve would see, he hadn’t hurt anyone.  He could just be left alone.  “You’re Steve. I read about you in a museum.”  Bucky answered.

“I know you’re nervous. And you have plenty of reason to be. But you’re lying.”  Steve said.

“You’re gonna take me in?  I didn’t do anything.  I don’t do that anymore.”  Bucky said, pulling off his glove.

“This doesn’t have end in a fight, Buck,”  Steve said.

Bucky shook his head, he didn’t want this.  He never wanted this.  He could still remember how it felt trying to break free of the soldier as he fought his best friend.  His lover.  The man he had wanted to have a family with.  He just wanted peace and Steve wasn’t here for that.  He was here to lock him up.  “It always ends in a fight.”

“You pulled me from the river.  Why?”  Steve asked.

“I don’t know.”  Bucky lied.

“Yes, you do.”  Steve pushed.

Bucky looked around.   Steve was in his uniform.  It was different from the one he knew but similar.  He was ready for a fight but there was more.  A memory hit him.  Sitting in the bar and telling Steve he should keep it.  He shook his head.  “I can’t be locked up again.  Can’t you just leave me be?”  He said, his voice cracking in desperation.

“I need you to talk to me, Bucky.  I need to know it’s you.”  Steve implored.

Bucky looked around wildly, the urge to run was still there but it was being drowned out by the urge to rush into his arms and kiss him.  He was scared.  Scared he’d lost that part of himself.  Not just that Steve wouldn’t want him anymore after they’d made him a monster, but that he couldn’t ever feel that kind of touch and have it associated with anything positive.  They used him in so many ways.  He wasn’t sure he could have anyone touch him again without recoiling it from.  “Your mom’s name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.”

Steve seemed to visibly relax.  “Bucky, if you can come quietly, you can come with me.  We know it wasn’t you…”

“I still did it.”  Bucky scowled.

“We can get you help.  You can live with me.”  Steve continued.

The memory of their home together, the shitty little one-room apartment in Brooklyn flashed through his mind.  How they squeezed together in one bed.  There was no way they could do that now.  Just the thought of anything even remotely similar to that life made a small glimmer of hope open up inside him.  He let his hands drop by his sides and nodded his head.

“Alright, Buck.  Let’s grab the things you want to keep.  We’ll take you home.”  Steve said.


	31. 11.1: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam talks to Steve about the stress Bucky being in the Tower is causing everyone.

Bucky coming into the Tower was hard.  Sam could see the strain it put on everyone around him.  The most clearly obvious was Tony.  When Bucky and Tony shared the same space, Tony would clam up.  He’d stay in the room for exactly five minutes silently seething.  Lips pursed.  Jaw tensed. His arms folded across his chest.  Sam had never seen him so silent and closed off about anything.  When the five minutes had elapsed he’d leave the room without saying anything to anyone.

There was something up with Natasha too.  She was awkward around him.  Sam had never seen Natasha awkward around anyone.  There was a brief time after the Hulk-bedroom incident where neither she or Bruce could look each other in the eye, but that was coming from Bruce’s side more and they’re moved on quickly enough.  Around Bucky, Natasha was a different person.  Sam would catch her staring at him, but every time Bucky looked at her she’d drop her eyes.  Sam couldn’t put his finger on it.  Why she would be so nervous around some guy she didn’t know.  Scratch that, why she would be nervous around some guy, period, was beyond him.

It was putting a strain on Steve too.  As much as Steve wanted Bucky there, Sam could tell there was a whole range of emotions he was dealing with and trying with differing levels of success to suppress.  He wanted his friend back, but the dark, sullen, broken man who was currently sharing his apartment wasn’t that man.  He felt guilty that he hadn’t stayed single for him.  Not that Bucky Barnes was ready for a relationship like that, but Sam could see the guilt in Steve’s eyes everytime Sam kissed his cheek or rubbed his back in front of Bucky.  Mostly what Steve wanted was to help him, but he was ill-equipped to know how.

Steve and Sam spent many nights in bed, Bucky in the room next talking about how badly Steve just wanted to help him.  How he just wanted to get the old Bucky back.

“I know you aren’t gonna wanna hear this, but I think you need to accept that he’s never coming back,”  Sam said, as he trailed his fingers up and down Steve’s arm.

Steve shook his head, the pain he was feeling was written all over his features.  Sam wished he could take it from him, or at least help him carry it, but that wasn’t Steve’s style.  It wasn’t any of the Avengers style.  The Tower needed in-house therapists for all of them.  “He can’t just be that though.  He’s hurting.  What they did to him…”

“Was horrific and unthinkable and will have changed him forever.  He can heal.  You need to get him a therapist.  A good one.  It will take a while, but he’s never gonna be your Bucky again.  Not the one you knew.  Not totally.”  Sam said.

“I’ll… I’ll find him a therapist.”  Steve said furrowing his brow.

“Can I be honest with you, Steve?”  Sam said.

Steve raised his eyes and looked at Sam, the dull light coming in through the window making the blue seem gray.  “Always, Sam.”

“You should find one too,”  Sam said.

Steve shook his head slightly and rolled his eyes.  “Sam, I don’t need…”

“Everyone in this building needs one, man.  Every single one of you.  You think I don’t see one?  I go two times a week and have her number in my phone.”  Sam said.  “We work a job that puts our lives at risk.  We see death all the time.  I saw a man I love die in front of my eyes.  I saw my parents murdered in front of me.  That changes you.  It affects you.  And you, Cap, have seen and lived through some of the worst shit.  How you have made it this far I think is mostly through dumb luck.  You need help and that’s not a weakness.  Getting help is hard, it’s painful and in the long run, you’ll feel better.”

Steve let out a breath and didn’t say anything for a while.  Sam lay quietly rubbing his hand in circles on Steve’s hip, letting him come to it on his own.  “I’ll look into it in the morning.”

“I know people.  I can help set something up.”  Sam said.

“Thank you,”  Steve said quietly.

“Of course,”  Sam said.  “Now, let’s stop talking about your annoying friend and think of something else to do.”  He added pulling himself flush against Steve and kissing his throat.

“Sam…”  Steve scolded.

Sam smiled as he kissed along Steve’s collarbone.  “Well, he is.  Keeps using all the hot water.”

“That is a blatant lie, Sam.  This building doesn’t run out of hot water.”  Steve said rolling over and pushing Sam onto his back.

“Oh? What are you gonna do about it, huh?” Sam teased.

Steve kissed him.  It was passionate and hungry.  There had not been a lot of intimacy between the two of them since Bucky’s arrival.  Sam wasn’t quite sure if it was guilt, embarrassment or a desire he had to get back together with Bucky, Steve had backed off from most physical affection.  Now it was like everything he’d been bottling up since he’d found him was coming out at once.  There was a desperate need in the way Steve was kissing him and running his hands over his body.  Not just for sex but for connection.  To show Sam he still wanted him.  There was a love and a tenderness to the way he touched him along with the passion.

Sam pushed a knee up between Steve’s legs and rocked his hips against Steve’s thigh.  His cock hardened as they moved against each other and he could feel Steve’s do the same.  Sam moaned, low and deep as he let his hands slip down into Steve’s boxers.

“We need to be quiet,”  Steve whispered against Sam’s ear, his breath hot against his skin.

“Oh yeah, why don’t you make me?”  Sam taunted.

Steve straightened up and looked down at Sam, his eyes moving over Sam’s face as a smile slowly spread over his lips.  “That’s how it is is it?”

“That’s how it is,”  Sam said, licking his lips

Steve growled and flipped Sam effortlessly.  Sam liked how Steve had the ability to make him feel - small wasn’t exactly the right word - possessed maybe?  Like he was the soft one.  The one to be taken care of.  That he was almost helpless, though he had nothing to be afraid of.  It wasn’t something Sam ever felt anywhere except in bed with Steve.

Steve tugged down Sam’s boxers and grabbed the lube.  Sam brought his knees up, almost presenting his ass to Steve, wriggling a little so his cheeks were spread to give him better access.  Steve ran his palm over Sam’s ass and pulled his cheeks wider as he poured the cold gel onto his anus.

Slowly and methodically Steve coaxed Sam’s asshole to take him.  Pushing one finger in and then two, speeding them so the ring muscle relaxed.  Pushing them in deep and stroking Sam’s prostate.  Adding a third and fucking him with them as he corkscrewed his wrist.

Sam bit down into the pillow to muffle his moans of pleasure.  There was something about the way that Steve was with him in bed that drove him wild.  Steve was a pleaser.  Not that he couldn’t get rough.  He could if that’s what Sam wanted.  Yet even then he had to make sure Sam was taken care of.

“You ready for me, Sam?”  Steve purred.

“Oh god yes.  Please.  I need that dick.”  Sam begged.

Steve coated his cock in lube, lined himself up against Sam’s asshole and thrust in.  Sam gasped and fell forward biting into his pillow as Steve stretched and filled him.  Steve gave him a moment to adjust.  Sam sighed relaxing for a moment before he pulled himself back onto all fours.  Steve leaned over, running his tongue up Sam’s spine and kissing his throat.  “Okay?”  He whispered.

“Fuck.  Yes.”  Sam growled.

Steve put his hand on Sam’s shoulder to brace himself and started to thrust.  Sam groaned and squeezed his eyes closed as Steve fucked him.  There was a crack and a heat on his thigh as Steve spanked him.  “I said voice down.”  Steve hissed, as he thrust hard and fast into him.  Steve was large and each time he moved in and out the head of his cock pushed against Sam’s prostate.  He groaned again unable to control the sounds he made as pleasure surged through him.

Steve wrapped an arm under Sam’s chest and pulled him up, his other hand went to his mouth.  Sam bit down on the fleshy pad of Steve’s palm and used it to muffle the sounds of his moans.

“Fuck.  You feel so good, Sam.”  Steve whispered against his ear.  “Takin’ my cock so good.  You can be quiet for me can’t you?”

Sam whimpered.  Actually whimpered.  He couldn’t even remember making a sound like that before.  His cock jumped and he wrapped his hand around it and started pumping it as a sudden pressing down in his gut warning him of his approaching orgasm.

“You gonna come, Sam?”  Steve whispered and brought his hand to Sam’s cock too.  “Come on, baby.  Come for me.  Nice and quiet.”

Sam bit into Steve’s hand and moaned as he released in hot ribbons over their hands and his stomach.  Steve groaned and nipped Sam’s earlobe before letting him fall forward.  He licked his fingers clean as he continued to thrust into Sam.  Sam felt the twitch of his cock as Steve neared his own climax.  With a few more thrusts, Steve bit down on Sam’s shoulder and released, pumping Sam full of hot come.

Steve slipped out of Sam’s ass and Sam fell forward on his stomach completely spent.  Steve laid next to him and trailed his hand up down Sam’s back gently.  “Was that okay?”  He asked.

Sam turned his head to look at him.  “Yeah, Steve.  More than okay.”

Steve nuzzled in against Sam’s shoulder.  “Thank you, Sam.”  He whispered.

“What for?”  Sam asked, genuinely confused.

For a moment, Steve didn’t say anything, he just lay taking slow even breaths, pressed so close against Sam’s neck, he could feel the heat and moisture against his skin every time Steve exhaled.  “Everything.  I love you.  I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you.”

Sam smiled and wrapped Steve in his arms.  “I can assure you,”  He said.  “The feeling is mutual.”


	32. 11.2: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony starts seeing a therapist and he and Bruce come to an arrangement.

Tony had very reluctantly taken on the advice of Sam and set up a psych department in the Tower.  Therapy became mandatory for all, at least once a week for Avengers and all agents.  More if their therapist deemed it necessary.  It took Tony a while to settle on one.  He didn’t trust people right away and he was finding that his fame seemed to make them wary or slightly unprofessional around him.  Eventually, he’d settled with the woman named Doctor Alexa Malleo.  She had been the one that seemed to not at all be bothered by who he was.  She listened.  He could ramble on for the whole hour and if he asked her the next visit if she remembered when he said one specific thing, she could repeat back exactly what he had said like she’d studied for a test.  He assumed she had some kind of photographic memory, which kind of made him like her that little bit more.

She had recommended a few things to him.  He needed to get the drinking under control.  Easier said than done really.  She recommended AA.  The fact he was an atheist made steps three and five through seven a little redundant.  He could maybe go admit to Thor what his wrongs were but he wasn’t sure Thor could do anything about removing his shortcomings.  She wanted him to go into rehab.  He refused that as well.  Maybe it was because rehab felt like what happened when you crashed your car into a neighbor’s pool.  So instead they worked on their own methods to deal with it.  Cold turkey.  She helped clean out the penthouse of any liquor.  Surprisingly he didn’t feel the need to lie and stash any away.  Or bring it in when it was gone.  What was the point?  He lived alone now.  The only person he had to lie to was himself.  It’s not like Alexa would stop taking his money if he kept drinking.

She recommended that a sleep analysis be done.  He did agree to that, though there wasn’t any definitive reason why he wasn’t sleeping.  Just stress mingling with what she had diagnosed as ADHD.  He’d spent his whole life without one person ever suggesting he had ADHD before.  She put him on medication.  He wasn’t great with remembering to take it though.

He was told he needed to forgive Steve and more importantly to forgive Bucky.  That holding on to the anger was doing him more harm than good.  That while Steve had made a conscious decision to deceive him, it wasn’t intended to hurt.  The bit about it not even being Bucky he already knew.  The logical part of him never even blamed Bucky in the first place.  It was just proving impossible to share the same space as the man who had taken his parents from him, whether Bucky had been in control or not.

The other main rule she had was to not date along with no more casual sex.  He had to wait and figure himself out.  Be okay with who he was now.

The not dating was fine.  He hadn’t been dating anyway.  The casual sex might be a little harder, though he hadn’t been having any yet, the idea to go out get wasted and bring home the first two people who looked at him the right way had run through his head more than once.

What he didn’t know how to do was be okay with himself.

Due to the not drinking thing, he spent much more time in the lab.  Bruce was there a lot too and the two of them seemed to be in this perpetual state of lack of sleep.  Tony felt bad for him.  The fear that Hulk would take over during sleep had started to get to him.  Tony was glad for the company though.  The memory of Pepper accusing him of cheating on her with Bruce kept flashing in his head.  He hadn’t allowed himself to develop feelings for Bruce before, he was happily taken.  Or so he had thought.  Now that he wasn't taken, they’d been creeping through.  They did have a connection.  The work.  Their intellect.  It was attractive.  He was attractive.  There was to be no dating though.  That was the rule.

Bruce groaned and rubbed his head.  “Nothing is working at the moment.”

“Yeah, because you need sleep, Brucie Bear,”  Tony said.

Bruce looked at him deadpan.  “You can talk.”

Tony shrugged.  “Well, I’m a mess we all knew that.”   He said moving closer to Bruce.  Up close the bags under his eyes looked much darker and the lines much deeper.  “How long since you slept through.”

Bruce took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Not since what happened with Natasha.  I keep having nightmares of it and … worse.”

Tony could imagine what the worse was.  He’d had his own nightmares about that.  Without thinking he put his hand on Bruce’s thigh and rubbed it gently.  Bruce looked down at Tony’s hand and then back up at Tony.  “She prescribed sleeping medication.”

“She?”  Tony asked.

“Doctor Malleo.  She said…”  He winced and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “She said that Hulk might be a physical presentation of an undiagnosed Dissociative Identity Disorder.  I mean, I kind of new it all along.  It’s not easy to hear out loud.”

“But that’s not… you … didn’t he come from the experiments?”  Tony asked.

“See the thing is, I’m not sure.  My father… was violent.  Extremely violent,”  Bruce said, his eyes returning to Tony’s hand.  “He beat me.  My mother.  He ended up killing her.  After that, I went to live with my Aunt and my Cousin.  At school, I was bullied.  I used to lose time and sometimes I’d hear a voice in my head telling me to do these things.  Put bombs in school.  Hurt people.  It called me weak.”

“Well, alright.  So that means it’s something you can treat.  Maybe you and Hulk can come together.  This is good, Bruce.”  Tony said, his hand moving from Bruce’s knee to behind his back.

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  People live with DID their whole lives.  If she can help us get along I’ll take it though.”  Bruce said, still looking at where Tony’s hand had been but relaxing into the new touch.  “She did say that the sleeping pills would help.  If I’m asleep, he will be too.  I’m just… he metabolizes things faster than I do.  What if I take them, he takes over and I can’t get it back.”

“You always come back.  And there’s the lullaby.”  Tony assured him, giving his shoulders a squeeze.

Bruce shook his head.  “The last few times… Normally it’s like we both have a hand on the wheel.  After what Wanda did, and then Nat pushing me.  He was angry and I was nowhere.  One of these days…”  He looked up at Tony with a pained expression on his face.  “I should have let him just take that jet.”

Tony put both his hands on Bruce’s shoulders.  “Don’t ever say that.  Ever.  We need you here, Bruce.  I need you.”

Bruce’s eyes darted everywhere around the room, seeming to land everywhere but on Tony’s.  “Don’t.  Don’t do that.  You’d be better off without a ticking time bomb just sitting in your midst.”

“No.  I wouldn’t.  You and me.  We’ve got something special, Bruce.  A connection.  You feel that don’t you?”  Tony asked.

His eyes still wouldn’t meet Tony’s but Tony noticed they lingered on his lips.  He knew it was not the best idea he’d ever had, but he wanted Bruce to know how he felt and to know he wasn’t scared of him.  He leaned in and kissed him.  It was more of a hard press of their lips together.  Bruce froze for a second before pulling back.  “Tony I can’t…”

“But you want to.”  Tony pushed.

“It doesn’t matter.  I don’t get what I want.  That can’t happen.”  Bruce said, angrily turning away.

“Bruce, listen to me.  I can’t either.  Alexa said I need time.  I gotta … find out who I am.  But … we have something don’t we?”

Bruce turned back to Tony with a look of suspicion on his face.  “Yes.  Yes, we do.  So what if we can’t do anything about it?”

Tony tapped his foot on the ground.  He felt like he was buzzing.  Like there was something about to happen and the potential for good was much more than he would allow himself to hope for.  “I can’t believe I’m about to say this… But there’s more than sex to a relationship.  Isn’t there?”

Bruce looked him over, studying him closely.  “Yes…”  He said, dragging the word out.  Almost as if he didn’t trust that it was Tony standing in front of him.

“Look, I like you.  Maybe… maybe … maybe… more than that.”  He said.  “But we have something and … I sleep better with someone else there.  And Hulk.  He saved my life.  So maybe… We have this here.  And some affection and someone to share a bed with to make sure we sleep.  That could work right?”

Bruce looked up at him and tilted his head.  “Yeah.  Yeah, that could work.  We could try that.”

Tony smiled and brushed Bruce’s hair back from his forehead.  “Then Doctor Banner, shall we go and try and get some sleep.”

Bruce nodded and got up off his stool.  “We can try it out at least.”

Tony led the way to the elevator feeling the closest he’d been to happy since Pepper had left him.


	33. 11.3: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint finds Thor alone in the common room. They talk about all the different ways people can be romantically involved with each other.

Clint made his way on autopilot into the shared kitchen in the tower.  It was far too late but he and Natasha had been on some marathon sex session and if he didn’t stop to replace some electrolytes he was going to pass out from dehydration.  All he’d managed to do was pull on his boxers and duck out of the room as Natasha yelled at him to bring her something.  There had been a lot of toys and other things involved tonight and Clint had the marks to prove it.

He didn’t notice Thor sitting in the dark over by the window as he dug around in the fridge for a Gatorade and some kind of protein.  So when Thor spoke it made him jump almost out of his skin.

“Good evening, Barton.  Are you having a pleasant night?”

Clint clutched his chest and banged his head on the door of the fridge.  “Thor, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Please, accept my apology.  That was never my intention.”  Thor said.

Clint shook his head and grabbed a piece of leftover chicken from the fridge.  “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

Thor sighed and gazed out the window.  “Normally I would visit Jane when I come down and Midgard is quiet.  It feels strange not to.”

“Oh yeah. I’m really sorry about that.  Sucks when you get dumped.”  Clint said through a mouthful.  “Could be worse.  Could have to see her every day.”

“Has something happened between you and Natasha?  I had assumed that with the state you’re in you had just come from being with her.”  Thor asked.

Clint choked and banged himself on the back.  “No.  I mean … We were … But we aren't…”

“I don’t think I understand,”  Thor said getting up and thumping Clint on the back.

Clint grabbed a Gatorade and took a long drink. “Nat and I are like… Best friends.  Who have sex.”

Thor laughed loudly and clapped Clint on the back.  “I think they call that a couple, my friend.”

“No.  No, I mean I love Nat.  She’s the best.  But you know… We see other people and … You know?”  Clint wasn’t sure that his explanation was very clear at all but he hoped that maybe on Asgard people weren’t so hung up on traditional relationships so that maybe it would be enough.

Thor laughed again holding on to Clint’s shoulders and shaking his head.  “I must say, perhaps it is because you have such short lives but you mortals are very attached to the idea or monogamous sex equating love.  There are so many ways to love and devote yourself to another person that doesn’t require to sexually shackle yourself to them.  Or to even have sex at all.  Love is an emotion.  Commitment just means you will be there for them.  Whatever other conditions you set is between you and them.”

Clint shook his head.  “Don’t say that.  It can’t be … I can’t be in a relationship with Nat.”

“And why is that?  You said yourself you love her?”  Thor asked.

“Because if I am, then I’ll fuck it up and I’ll lose her,”  Clint said and looked up into Thor’s eyes.

“I think you should have more faith in yourself than that, my friend,”  Thor said.

Clint shifted on his feet and took another drink.  “So if that’s what it’s like on Asgard have you been seeing more than one person at a time?”

Thor chuckled.  “I have lived for 1500 years now.  I have tried more things than you could possibly conceive of.”

Clint grinned gleefully.  “Orgies?”

“Oh yes.  I have attended many.”  Thor said.

“You ever… you know… Think about any of us like that?”  Clint asked.

A large smile spread over Thor’s face and he moved in closer to Clint.  Clint could feel the heat radiating off Thor’s skin.  “I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind more than once.”  Thor teased. “Is this out of mere curiosity or are you asking me to join you?”

“Join me?”  Clint said.  It came out half as a statement and half as a question.  The words were barely out of his mouth when Thor’s lips had crashed into his.

Clint wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and ran his hands through Thor’s hair as they circled their tongues together and nipped at each other’s lips.  It felt like a static charge passed from Thor to Clint and all Clint could think was he couldn’t believe he was about to do this.  Thor was an actual god.  Could you die having sex with a god?

Thor pulled back and Clint looked up into his bright blue eyes.  “Umm… bedroom?”  He croaked.

“That seems like a good idea,”  Thor said with a chuckle.  Clint quickly grabbed the drinks he’d come down for and then took Thor’s hand and dragged him excitedly down to Nat’s apartment.

“What took you so long?”  Nat called as they came through the door.

“I got a special guest,”   Clint called back dragging Thor into the room.

Natasha was reclining back on her circular bed in a black corset and black stockings.  Her hair was a little messy and there was a run up one of her stockings, but otherwise considering how much she and Clint had been through so far, she was remarkably together.

“Natasha.  I hope you don’t mind.”  Thor said, bowing his head toward her.

Natasha’s eyes lit up.  “Clint!  This is the nicest gift you’ve ever brought me.”

“I’m glad you approve,”  Thor said his voice coming out as a low rumble.  It reminded Clint of thunder.  Thor moved towards Natasha and leaned down and captured her lips.  Clint danced from one foot to the other excitedly as he watched them waiting for a queue that it was okay for him to come and join in.

Natasha broke the kiss and looked over at Clint.  “Now my little bird, maybe you can welcome Thor by sucking his cock?”

Clint’s eyes darted to Thor and Thor nodded beginning to unbutton the white linen shirt he was wearing.  Clint came over to the bed and kneeled in front of Thor looking up at him as he bared his large smooth chest.  He unfastened his pants and pulled them down.  What faced Clint was the biggest cock he’d ever seen in his life.  Even at the flaccid state, it was in it looked huge and perfect.  Clint licked his lips and swallowed hard before nuzzling at it, and nosing so it gradually hardened more.

When it was semi erect he ran the tip of his tongue up the length and nipped at the foreskin with his lips.  Thor made a rumbling purr sound and stroked his hair.

“Aren’t you lucky, Clint?”  Natasha purred.  “You should thank him for letting you suck his dick.”

“Thank you, Thor,”  Clint said looking at Thor.  His body tingled in response to Nat talking to him like this.  He knew it was going to be much more than just this and he couldn’t wait to find out what else she was going to get him to do.

“You’re most welcome, little bird.”  Thor said,  “Now open wide.”

Clint dropped his jaw and Thor pushed his cock inside just past the head.  It was so thick that even with his jaw stretched wide it filled his mouth.  He sucked on the head, drool pooling in his mouth as he did.  Thor put his hand on the back of Clint’s head and Clint moaned submitting to him.  He relaxed his mouth and opened his throat as Thor began to thrust into Clint’s mouth.  Thor seemed to have an innate sense of what he could take.  Each thrust tested his limits but didn’t cross them.  Clint moaned and gripped at Thor’s thighs.  His muscles were like cords under Clint’s fingers.

Clint’s cock strained in his boxes and he found himself rubbing against Thor’s leg trying to get some relief as the god fucked his mouth. Thor groaned and his hand squeezed the back of Clint’s neck.   “Maybe it’s time you took care of Lady Natasha.”  Thor rumbled.  “She might like you to worship her like this, no?”

Clint pulled back sucking hard along Thor’s length making Thor hum appreciatively.  He turned and crawled towards Natasha who uncrossed her legs as he approached.  “Did you like that, Clint?”  She purred.

“Yes, Nat,”  Clint said.

She hummed and stroked his hair and he began to kiss up her thighs.   “What a lucky boy you are.”

Clint moved her panties aside and nosed up her pussy, breathing her heady scent in.  She smelled strongly of sex after the marathon events they’d been through already and when he ran his tongue up the length of her hot, swollen cunt, her musk filled his mouth.  She moaned and let her head fall back.  Clint sucked and licked at her pussy, each moan she made him hum happily as he crouched between her legs.  He pushed two fingers into her and sought out her g-spot as he pulled her clit between his lips and flicked his tongue over it.

“That’s it, little bird.  I would like to see Natasha climax.  Keep going.”  Thor said as he watched on.

Clint groaned and increased the pressure and pace of his fingers, he dragged them over her g-spot.  Natasha gripped at his biceps, digging her fingers into them as he brought her closer and closer to the edge.  She arched back suddenly and came with a cry on Clint’s face.  He drank her up greedily and pulled back looking up at Thor and Natasha, waiting for further instructions.

Thor had been stroking his cock as he’d watched and he smiled broadly at Clint.  “Natasha is very beautiful when she comes isn’t she?”

“Yes.  I love seeing her come.”  Clint agreed enthusiastically.

“Does she taste nice, little bird?”  Thor asked.

Clint hummed.  “Yes.  I love it.  I love the taste of her pussy.”

“Come here and let me try,”  Thor said.

Clint crawled back over to him and Thor pulled him up so he was straddling his lap and kissed him hard, licking Natasha’s fluids from the Archer’s lips.  “Mmm… you’re right,”  Thor hummed pulling back.  “You are very lucky, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”  Clint hummed.  “So lucky.”

“I want to see Thor fuck you, Clint.  You going to be good and let me watch.”  Natasha asked.

Clint swallowed at the thought of Thor’s enormous cock stretching him to breaking point.  He nodded his head.  “If Thor wants me.”

“Oh, very badly.”  Thor agreed.  “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re ready first.”  He added, at a whisper.

Clint got up and Thor pushed him so he was bent over the bed.  Natasha handed Thor lube and Thor spread Clint’s cheeks and squeezed the cold gel on Clint’s ass.  Thor then began to use his fingers to stretch Clint out.

It wasn’t that Clint had never had anal before.  He had.  A lot really.  He’d had male lovers before and he liked receiving as well as giving.  Natasha was also a big fan of toys.  Tonight already he’d been plugged and been fucked with a strap-on.  There was something about the way Thor used his fingers though.  Perhaps it was just what happened when you’d had 1500 odd years worth of sex, you were very, very good at it.  He was patient as Clint’s ring muscle relaxed.  Starting with one finger then adding a second and a third.  He applied lube liberally and stroked his fingers over Clint’s prostate.  Clint humped the bed helplessly moaning and whimpering and trying not to come too soon.  Natasha kept asking him how it felt, if Thor was good at fingering his ass and if he liked it.  The more questions she asked the harder it was for Clint to keep it together.  

By the time the thick head of Thor’s cock penetrated him he was feeling fuzzy and so ready for him.  He moaned and pushed back, wanting more, but Thor held his hand on the small of his back keeping him still.

“How does it feel, Clint?  You like his cock inside you?”  Natasha asked.

“Oh god yes.  I want more.  He’s so big, Nat.  Stretching me out.”   Clin babbled.

“I know, darling.”  Natasha purred stroking her fingers through his hair.  “You can have more.”

Thor pushed in deeper still making Clint moan needily and clutch at the sheets.  Thor pulled back and Clint felt like he might cry if Thor kept teasing him like this. He wanted the god to fuck him.  Needed it like air.

“Please.  Please.  Please fuck me.”  Clint begged.

Thor put his hand on Clint’s shoulder and began to thrust.  He fucked Clint slow and deep.  His cock stretching and filling him more fully than he’d ever been before.

“Oh god.  Yes, Thor.  Nat.  Nat.  Feels so good.  I’m so full.”  He babbled looking up into the green on Natasha’s eyes.

“I know, darling.  You look so good.  You take it so well.  Like the good little cock slut you are.”  Natasha purred running her hand through Clint’s hair.

“Yes, Nat.”  Clint groaned, grinding against the mattress.  His cock twitched and leaked and he needed the relief of the friction against it.

Natasha moved and reached under Clint as Thor changed position so he was crouched above Clint as he thrust into him.  She wrapped her hand around Clint’s cock and held it for a moment.  “Say it, little bird.  Tell me you’re a cock slut.”

Clint moaned and his cock jerked in Natasha’s hand.  “I’m a good little cock slut.”  He mewled.  “For you, Nat.  Just for you.”

“I know, ptichka,”  She purred and began to pump his cock.

Everything became too much.  He couldn’t hold it back anymore.  He cried out and bit down into the sheets trying to hold back from what felt like was going to tearin two.  “Fuck.  Gonna come.  Please.”  He pleaded.

“Of course, come for me, little bird.”  Thor soothed, running his hand down Clint’s spine.

Clint groaned and let himself go.  His abs tightened and when they relaxed again he came.  Hot come splattered his stomach and the bed.  Thor kept thrusting into him as he rode out the orgasm.  As he felt the throb of Thor’s cock inside him, Thor pulled out and stroked himself to completion, spilling all over Clint’s ass and back with a grunt.

Clint lay panting covered in semen and high on endorphins as Natasha stroked his hair.  “That was good.  You should come join us more often.”

Thor hummed in response.  “I enjoyed myself greatly.  Perhaps we should clean up poor Clint though.”

Natasha chuckled.  “He does look good like this, but yes we should.   Shall we take a nice bath, Barton?”

Clint hummed and nodded his head not really able to form words yet.  Nat pressed a kiss to his forehead and got up off the bed.   “I’ll go run the bath.  Can you bring him in in a bit?”

“Of course,”  Thor replied.

Clint curled up against the god, it had been a while since he’d been shared like this and he’d missed it.  He hummed happily imagining what things they could do in the future.


	34. 11.4: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony confronts Bucky

Tony paced.  He’d been working up the nerve to go down and speak to Bucky for a solid hour now and every time he went to the door he had a flash of an image of his mom being strangled by him.  He knew how it happened now.  Not that he could bring himself to watch the footage but he’d made FRIDAY process the footage and print out a description.  He’d had to know.  He’d felt like he’d needed it for closure, but instead, he kept imagining up worse and worse variants of it.  Each more graphic and disturbing than the last.

He knew it wasn’t Barnes though.  Not really.  He had forgiven other people for being manipulated by the bad guys.  Barton.  The Maximoffs.  Shit, he’d forgiven Romanoff for directly spying on him.  He knew Barnes was trying to live a better life and make up for the things he had done.  He even knew that it wasn’t even Barnes’ fault.  He was a victim in this too.  It’s not like he’d willingly signed up to be HYDRA’s arm.

Alexa had said he needed to do this.  He needed to clear the air and move forward.  She’d said that holding onto the resentment he felt would never allow him to get to a place where he’d be ready to try trusting someone new with his heart.  That he needed to align what he logically knew to be true with how he was feeling.

He really wished he hadn’t cleared the place out of alcohol right now.  Maybe there would be some down on the common floor?  Alcohol could really help right now.

He went to the elevator and let it carry him down to the common floor.  The doors opened to the common room that was thankfully empty.  He made a beeline into the kitchen and stopped dead when he saw Bucky sitting at the kitchen bar nursing a glass of whiskey.  He looked up and they both frowned at each other.

“I’ll … I’ll, uh… get out of your way.”  Bucky grumbled getting to his feet.

Tony made a vague gesture with his hand.  “Sit down.  It’s fine.”  He said coming over to the liquor cabinet.  “Didn’t expect you to be here.  Aren’t you normally in your apartment?”

Bucky downed the brown liquid in his glass and huffed.  “Steve and Sam are fucking.  Steve keeps trying to make him keep it down.  I dunno.  Somehow it’s worse when you’re hearing him telling him how good he’s being.”

Tony snorted.  “I can imagine.”  He said and poured himself three fingers of Scotch.  “What are you drinking?”

Bucky shrugged and just held out his glass.  Tony came over and poured the same amount into his glass.  He assumed really, he could top a whole tumbler off and it wouldn’t make any difference to the super soldier.

Tony opened his mouth to speak and then just downed the entire glass of Scotch in one go.  Letting the burn be the sole focus of his attention for the time he had it.  “Look,”

Bucky shook his head.  “You don’t have to.  I don’t deserve it.”

Tony poured himself another glass.  “I need to for me.”  He said as the liquid splashed into the bottom of the glass.  “Do you remember?”

“I remember them all,”  Bucky said.  “And I don’t want to forget.  I owe it to all those people to remember them.  What I did to them.”

“I thought they died in a car accident,”  Tony said.

“I know.”

Tony took another drink, slower this time.  Sipping it so it went down warm instead of just burning out his esophagus.  “I know it wasn’t your fault.”  The words hurt him to say.  Even if he knew them to be true.  He knew it was HYDRA to blame.  They had been at the root of a lot of his troubles it turned out.  Still, it was Bucky Barnes’ finger that had pulled the trigger killing Howard. It had been Bucky Barnes’ hand that had crushed his mother’s throat.  Not even the cybernetic one that HYDRA had given him against his will but the one that he was born with.

“I still did it,”  Bucky said and took a drink.

“You still did it,”  Tony repeated.  There was such pain in those words.  For both of them.  “You know, about 8 years ago I was kidnapped by terrorists.  They tortured me.  Waterboarding was a big one.  You have no idea how long it took me to be able to have a shower without flinching.  Still can’t get into a bath.”

Bucky’s eyes met Tony’s for the first time since he’d arrived at the compound and what was in them wasn’t pity like Tony was used to seeing on the rare occasion he relayed this story to someone else, but recognition.  A deep understanding and sympathy for what Tony had been through.  “I can’t be cold.” He said.

Tony nodded and finished his drink.  “I’d taken shrapnel to the chest and they carved open my chest and stuck an electromagnet in there.  I still to this day think about that and can’t quite understand how I didn’t die.  I was in this filthy cave with filthy instruments.  I was hooked up to a car battery and I had to carry it around with me.  There were no painkillers.”

Bucky nodded and his right hand rubbed at his left shoulder.

“I got out in the end.  But I had help and they weren’t trying to brainwash me.  I think that you survived and broke free.  It means something.”  Tony said.  “It’s hard you being here because I look at you and I just remember the pain I felt when the police came to tell me about my mom.  I know that wasn’t you though.  If you can be patient with me…”

Bucky nodded.  “Of course.”

“This place is my home and the people here are my family.  I just don’t want us to be broken anymore.”  Tony said.

Bucky drained his glass and got up.  “Thank you.”  He said putting his hand on Tony’s shoulder.  Tony patted the back of it before Bucky pulled it away and left the room.

Tony let out a ragged breath and picked up the two dirty glasses.  He looked over at the liquor cabinet and considered pouring himself another but instead, he put the glasses into the dishwasher and switched it on, cursing the others for not turning it on when it was full.


	35. 11.5: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Bucky talk about their pasts and their future.

Natasha hovered in the doorway.  She could tell she was making Bucky nervous but the time had come for her to stop avoiding him because she was afraid he wouldn’t remember.

“You don’t remember me do you?”  She asked leaning on the door frame.

“Of course I do, Natalia,”  Bucky said without looking up at her.

She took a few steps into the room. There was part of her that didn’t want to believe him.  Yet the use of her formal name.  A name she no longer used as a hint that there was at least some memory of their shared past.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

When he spoke it was in perfect Russian and she knew, she knew for a fact, he remembered it all and she wanted to bundle him up and tell him it was okay.  That she wouldn’t let them get to him again.  She smothered it. Those were not feelings she was used to and she wasn’t sure how to express them.

“I didn’t know how to say sorry for trying to rape you and then years later shooting you to get to someone else.”

She sat down beside him.  She went to touch his arm but then dropped her hand again.  She spoke in English not wanting to hold this conversation in the language of the country that had caused this pain between them.  “You didn’t try to rape me, James.”

“That’s how I remember it.  They told me to show this little girl what a man was like and I pinned you down on the ground and tore your tights…”

“And then you stopped.  Do you remember that?”  Natasha interrupted. “You broke your programming just long enough to stop them from raping both of us and attack them and it cost you.  I was almost glad the day you shot me.  I felt like you deserved to have that for what defying them cost you.”

“Don’t say that,”  Bucky said, turning away from her.

Natasha cupped Bucky’s jaw and turned him back to her.  He flinched visibly when she touched him, and his eyes didn’t seem to want to settle on hers.  “You stopped.  They tried to hurt both of us.  Use both our bodies against us.  You stopped.  Give yourself that credit.  You were the only person who ever did.”

His eyes finally fell on hers and the pain in them reflected what was burning inside her.  “I wish I could have been stronger.  Broken free and taken you out of there.”

She leaned forward and rested her forehead against his.  “How I wish that were true too.  We can’t live in the past, Dorogoi.  We need to clear the red.”

Bucky took a few deep breaths and nodded.  “You got away.”

“So did you,”  Natasha replied and ran her fingers through his hair.

Bucky made a choked purr sound and Natasha leaned in and captured his lips with hers.  Bucky kissed back immediately.  It was slow and tender but without a second of hesitation.  He moved his hands so they hovered beside her arms like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch her.  He pulled back suddenly and scrambled away from her.

“We shouldn’t do that.  That’s… I’m sorry.”  Bucky said, his eyes darting around the room.

“I’m the one that kissed you, James.”  Natasha soothed.  “And I’m not a little girl who’s just trying to survive anymore.  I want to do this.”

“You’re with Barton,”  Bucky said.  “He…  I can’t do that.”

Natasha sat back and laughed.  Her laughter seemed to hurt him more and she put her hand on his knee as she got herself back under control.  “Clint and I are… complicated.  We don’t just… we sleep with other people.”

“You do?”  Bucky said and looked at her like he was slowly processing her words.  Natasha assumed it was just a case of him never having seen something like this before.

“Yes.  Sometimes we go out and pick up strangers.  We also have arrangements with some people here.   Both of us and Thor.  Me and Wanda.  Sometimes Sam.”  She explained.

“You and Sam?”  Bucky asked.  His eyebrows were knitted and he was looking down.  Natasha couldn’t work out what he was thinking about.

“Yeah, he and Wanda have a very regular thing,”  Natasha said.  She liked this reaction.  Like it was shocking to him that she was like this.

Bucky ran his hand through his hair.  “I think … I need to think about some things.”  He looked up at her and there was the glimmer of something positive there.  Not that he was happy exactly.  Just that there was the promise of happiness and he looked like he was working out how to grasp it.  “I - I do … you and I.   I just… I need to think.”

Natasha nodded.  “Okay.   Take all the time you need.”

Bucky nodded and rubbed her knee.  “Thank you, Tasha.  I needed that.  You have no idea.”

“Of course.”  She said.

He got up and hovered for a second like there was more to say before nodding and leaving the room.  Natasha sat back and shook her head, wondering about what she’d just started.


	36. 11.6: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tries to tell Steve how he feels.

There had been a lot going on in Bucky’s life lately.  It made sense really.  You spend 70 years as a puppet and finally get your mind back, the figuring yourself out part was going to take some time.  Having to live in a building owned by a man who obviously hated him hadn’t been easy.  Not that he blamed Tony, but it still made him regularly wish he’d been left alone in Budapest.

Having a woman you had once been given the orders to rape living so close to you was pretty far from easy too.  The fact she kept avoiding him meant it was bothering her too.  It couldn’t be easy having a daily reminder of such a dark time just walking around what should be your home and safe place.

Living with Steve had been mixed too.  He loved Steve, he did.  Which was part of the problem.  Steve had moved on, while Bucky kept dreaming about how it felt to have him inside him.  Seeing him happy with Sam Wilson hurt.  It hurt because he wanted that, and it hurt because he didn’t want to take it away from Steve.  Steve, his Steve, deserved a chance at happiness.  He deserved Sam Wilson.  So he had to sit and pretend he was okay when he really wasn’t at all.

To add to that feeling of discomfort was the fact he knew exactly what Steve saw in Sam Wilson.  He saw it too.  Sam was a man like no other.  He was the only one who treated Bucky like a normal person.  Every little snark from him made Bucky actually feel closer to who he once was.  He was smart and funny and strong.  Of course, Steve would fall for him.  Bucky was falling for him as much as he tried not to.

His emotions were so raw and surface level right now it felt difficult to control any of them.  The guilt, fear, love, lust, all sat bubbling together and he wondered when happiness and peace might actually join them.   Or if they ever would.

Then Natalia had come to speak to him.

The revelation that Steve was in an open relationship with Sam opened up a whole list of possibilities.  Though he wasn’t sure he was ready for any of them.

He sat nervously tapping his fingers on the kitchen table.  The metal making a loud click noise on the glass tabletop.

“You think you can cut that out, Steve Austin,”  Sam said taking a seat opposite him and pouring himself a coffee.

Bucky did not have any idea what that reference was, but he assumed it had to to do with his arm.  He glowered and kept tapping his fingers a little harder than before.

“Oh good.  That’s not annoying at all.”  Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

“Sam…”  Steve said.  He had that disappointed dad tone to his voice and hearing it made the very ghost of a smile reach Bucky’s lips.

“What?  The dude is intentionally antagonizing me.”  Sam argued.

“I’m just sitting here.”  Bucky countered.

Sam rolled his eyes and went to say something else but the look he got from Steve shut him up.  Bucky wished that he’d said whatever it was.  It was always fun hearing Sam’s bitching.

“You okay, Buck?”  Steve asked taking a seat at the table.

Bucky frowned and grabbed another pancake from the stack on the table.  “I wanted to talk.”

Sam snorted.  “That’s new.  What’s on your mind?”

“You’re sleeping with Wanda.”  Bucky blurted out.  He realized as he said it that the words he chose weren’t exactly going to convey the message he had intended.  The words were out though and there was little he could do to take them back.

“Woah.  Woah.  Okay.  It’s not like that, buddy.”  Sam said holding his hands up like he was trying to soothe a wild animal.

“It’s okay, Buck.  I know.  What we have… it’s kinda like when you and I were kids.  And you’d go out with girls.  Only,”  He paused for a moment like he was trying to find the right words.

“Only it’s not me just hurting you.”  Bucky finished.

“You … you weren’t hurting me.”  Steve said, gently putting his hand on Bucky’s.

Bucky looked down at it and sighed.  “Yeah.  I was.  I wanted everything and it was hurting you.”

“Sam’s not hurting me,”  Steve said.  “He was with Wanda first.  This is… different.”

“I’m not… I know.”  Bucky said and ran his hand through his hair and then dropped his eyes.  He didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted.  He knew for sure there was no way that they’d want to be with him.  Not even Natalia kissing him had made him get past the fact he couldn’t understand why anyone would even want to be anywhere near him.

“What is it then?”  Steve asked.

“Nothing.  Forget it.”  Bucky said pulling his hand away and getting up.

“Buck,”  Steve said grabbing his wrist.

Bucky yanked it free and made a beeline for his bedroom.  “It’s fine.  Forget it.”

He slammed the door and it took every ounce of willpower he had to not punch a hole in his wall.  A moment later there was a knock.

“It’s fine, Steve,”  Bucky yelled.

The door opened a crack.  “It’s not, Steve,”  Sam said.  “Can we talk?”

“I know you aren’t… That’s not why I said it.”  Bucky said defensively.

Sam walked in and closed the door behind him.   “I know what you want.  But are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Ready for what?”  Bucky asked.  He wasn’t sure why he was playing dumb exactly.  He knew Sam would see through it.  He didn’t want to leave himself this vulnerable though.  He didn’t want the chance to be rejected.

“Steve.  You want him back.”  Sam said.  “It’s okay.  I get it.  I don’t know what you’re ideal plan is there.  I’m just worried about you, man.  You spoken to your therapist about dating again?”

Bucky shook his head.  Sam had a point.  He wasn’t even able to bring it up as an option.  He needed to take it to the professional.

“If you do, and he does… what do you want?   You want me to stand aside?  I’m not sure if I can do that.”  Sam said.

Bucky shook his head.  “No.  You… he deserves you.”

Sam smiled softly and touched Bucky’s arm gently.  He flinched, still so unused to people touching him in any other way than to cause pain.  “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,”  Sam said.

“I love him.  And if you could…”  Bucky said furrowing his brow.

“Share?”  Sam suggested.  “I mean it’s up to him.  But the thing I have with him and the girls, there’s room for that.”

Bucky shook his head.  “No.  I want in.  Natalia… she…”

Sam stood back and eyed Bucky up and down.  “You with Steve and Nat?”

Bucky nodded.

“Me too?”  Sam asked.

Bucky nodded again.

“I’d like that, Buck.  But you need to speak to your therapist.”  Sam said.  “That’s a lot.  Okay?  Talk to Alexa.  Then if she says it’s okay come talk to us.  I’ll get Steve used to the idea.  Okay?”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I usually am.”  He said tucking a lock of Bucky’s hair behind his ear.  “There’s no rush.  We’re not going anywhere, okay.”

Bucky nodded again, leaning into Sam’s touch a little like he craved it.  “Thank you.”

“Of course.”  He leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s cheek and gave his arm a small squeeze and when he left Bucky smiled.  His happiness feeling that much closer.


	37. 11.7: The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky starts to find his place among the others. He, Steve and Sam consummate the relationship.

When Sam had come to talk to Steve about what Bucky had said about wanting to not only resume a romantic relationship with Steve but with Sam too, it had felt like a weight had been lifted off him and he was floating.  All the guilt and confusion and pain he had been feeling had been lifted all at once.

Obviously, this wasn’t going to be a quick fix.  Maybe Bucky’s therapist would tell him he wasn’t ready yet.  The keyword was ‘yet’.  Steve could wait.  Hope that one day they could be together and happy.  He wouldn’t have to lose Sam.  Sam wouldn’t have to lose Wanda.  Maybe they could never go public but that was okay.  It was their private life anyway and if he had to be serious Cap in front of the crowds and he got to have Sam and Bucky at home, that was fine too.

When Bucky came to him and said that Alexa said it was fine but to not rush things and explained about how being touched still made him react too strongly due to the conditioning he had to pain, Steve was elated.  Slow he could do.  He just wanted Bucky back.

So they took it slow.  It started with just light touching here and there.  Bucky usually initiating them.  A skim of his fingers along one of their shoulders as he walked past.  His thighs pressing against theirs when they sat together on the couch.  It progressed to more.  Holding hands and cuddling.  To begin with, when they tried to cuddle him it happened in stages because he would flinch and jerk so violently when he felt closed in they’d have to let him up again.  It wasn’t long though before his favorite place was curled into Steve’s side with Sam draped over him while they watched TV.

Kissing was next.  Small pecks turned into something that lingered more.  Those chaste lingering kisses became deeper and more passionate.  Until Bucky was comfortable having long makeout sessions where hands ran up under clothes and their cocks strained against their pants.  While Steve would never point it out, he knew Bucky wasn’t even lasting through them.   He often felt a jerk of his hips and a wet patch against his leg.  Steve didn’t mind.  It was good to be at that point.

After kissing came sleeping together.  Not sex.  Just sleep.  Unlike when they cuddled, Bucky didn’t like being in the middle when they slept.  He liked having an escape route but more than that, he worried he was going to hurt Sam.  He insisted that he never be left sleeping alone with Sam and that if he was there Steve be between them.  It wasn’t unwarranted.  Even though Bucky did seem to sleep better with someone than alone, there were still nights where he woke thrashing violently and Steve had to pin him down to stop him from hurting one of them.  He even woke one night with Bucky above him, eyes blank and hand wrapped around his throat.  That incident had set Bucky back a whole week, and he attended therapy all day, every day before he was willing to even touch them again.

After sleeping, Bucky asked if he could watch them have sex.  He had sat on the lounge chair in the bedroom and masturbated as he watched Sam and Steve together.

It was a slow journey but each day Steve saw more and more of his old Bucky there.  He knew he was never going to be that man again, he also knew that the man he had now he loved and would love.  He just wanted him.

Bucky hovered at the end of the bed stripped down to his boxers.  Steve and Sam were already in bed and they both looked up at him.

“What is it?”  Steve asked.

Bucky ran one hand through his hair and the other over his stomach and just under the waistband of his boxers.  “I uh… do you think tonight we could try?”

A devious smile played over Sam’s lips.  “Why don’t you get in here and find out?”

Bucky smiled and crawled up in between them.  Steve and Sam welcomed him into their arms and while Sam and Bucky kissed slowly, Steve kissed Bucky’s throat and ran his hand down over his abs.

Bucky’s muscles twitched and then relaxed as he became more used to their touches.  His lips moved from Sam’s to Steve and Steve hummed running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.  He tugged on it gently making Bucky purr against his lips.

Sam slowly kissed down Bucky’s chest and when he reached his nipples, his tongue flicked over them.  Steve and Sam worked together, focusing totally on Bucky, wanting to give him exactly what he needed.

When Steve’s hand slipped into Bucky’s pants and wrapped around his cock, Bucky jerked and his cock leaked down over his knuckles.  “Oh god.  I’m not gonna… I won’t last… can we just…?”

“Yeah, of course,”  Sam said slowly kissing along Bucky’s collarbone.  “What would you like?”

“I don’t think I can… be in the middle you know… but I want us all … if you don’t mind that is…”  Bucky babbled.

“You wanna train?”  Sam said.  “Go where you wanna be.  We’ll follow your lead.”

Bucky kissed Sam before moving on the other side of Steve.  Steve went to turn, used to being the one giving to Bucky.  Bucky put his hand on Steve’s hip and kissed his throat.  “Don’t think I’m ready for that yet.  Is that okay?”

“Of course,”  Steve replied.  He leaned back and kissed Bucky as Sam grabbed the lube.  He was going to be in the middle of the two people he loved the most in the world and he wondered if this might be it.  Was this where he actually got to be happy?

Steve slicked his cock before passing the lube back to Bucky.  He positioned himself behind Sam and began teasing the head of his cock up and down Sam’s crack.  Pressing against his asshole and relaxing again, letting Sam relax against him.  As he did he ran his hands over Sam’s chest and kissed the side of his neck.  Sam hummed and pushed back against him, eager for more.

Behind him, Bucky coated his cock in lube and lay spooning Steve.  He hooked his leg over Steve’s hip and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder.  Steve began to feel the press and released of Bucky’s cock against his asshole.  It wouldn’t be the first time Steve had been on the receiving end of anal.  Back when he was still small he never allowed it.  He hated being in any position that made him feel small.  Now that was never an issue so he quite happily went along with almost any suggestion Sam threw his way.  He liked testing his boundaries and he quite liked anal.  Most of all he liked drawing his pleasure on providing it to others.  That was what he’d discover most.

However, while Sam was large he had nothing on Bucky.  As Bucky slowly eased his cock into Steve’s ass he could feel his ring muscle resisting and he groaned into Sam’s shoulder.  As Bucky pushed into him his own cock was driven into Sam’s ass and Sam’s moan joined his.  Steve willed himself to relax for Bucky, he wanted nothing more than his enjoyment here, for him to feel safe and able to take what he needed.

“God, Stevie.  So tight.  Is this okay?”  Bucky asked, with a neediness to his voice.

“Yeah, Buck.  ‘S good.”  Steve gasped.

Bucky began to move.  Each thrust into Steve pushed him into Sam and soon the three men were all moving and moaning and gasping together.  Steve would kiss Sam and then Bucky and then Sam again until his lips tingled from beard burn and even then he couldn’t stop.  Bucky’s cock filed him and pressed against his p-spot while Sam’s ass clenched and squeezed around his cock.  He’d never felt his senses as completely overloaded as they were right now.  His orgasm was approaching faster than ever before.

Bucky’s was faster, with a sudden snap of his hips and groaned against his ear, Bucky spilled, pumping him full of come in wave after wave.

“Sorry,”  He whispered as he slipped out.

Steve leaned back and kissed him.  “Don’t be.  It was good.”

Sam took Bucky’s hand.  “Come over here, Buck.”

Bucky changed positions so he was facing Sam and the two men began to kiss as Steve took control over what he was doing completely.  He put his hand on Sam’s hip and began to thrust harder and deeper than before.

Sam groaned and guided Bucky’s hand to wrap around his cock.  Steve watched as Bucky slowly began to jerk Sam off and then broke the kiss and dropped down taking Sam into his mouth.

Sam mewled and began to lose complete control of himself.  His hips bucked against them both and the sounds he made became loud and guttural.  His ass squeezed around Steve with each thrust and with a loud cry he came in Bucky’s mouth.

His orgasm was enough to draw Steve over and he released inside him.  “Oh god,”  He moaned and as his cock stilled, he gently let himself slip from Sam’s ass.

The three cleaned up and when they settled back into bed Bucky moved between them, letting himself be spooned on both sides as he drifted off in his endorphin haze.  Steve draped a hand over both men, resting it on Sam’s hip.

“How’re you doing, Steve?”  Sam whispered.

“Good.  Good.  He’s kinda big.”  Steve replied.

Sam stifled a laugh.  “Not what I meant, but good thing you have that jacked up healing thing.”

“I’m good.  Kinda feeling like there’s some other shoe that’s gonna drop.  But good.”  Steve said.

“I dunno, man.  Maybe you just get to be happy this time.”  Sam said.

Steve hummed and closed his eyes, and as he drifted off to sleep he allowed himself to believe that was true.


	38. 11.8:  The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor speaks to the group about what they have now, and what they could have if they allowed themselves to see it

Thor had been watching as the others in the Avengers had all formed their various groups none really willing to acknowledge what was happening or their feelings.  He could see how they all felt for each other.  He felt it himself.  The love and kinship.  The desire.  Even Tony and Bruce who has mostly just paired off, he could see had thoughts about the others.  Bruce still looked longingly at Natasha and Clint.  The looks were always returned when they thought no one else was looking.

Tony seemed lost and confused.  He had started spending more and more money on everyone like he was trying to buy the affection they all were willing to give him.

It all seemed ridiculous to Thor.  The Avengers were more than mere teammates or warriors at arms.  They were friends and lovers.  They were family.  It was time that they saw that for themselves.

It had become a regular thing for months now, that once a week they all gathered and ate together.  Well, not exactly together.  More in the same place at the same time.  It had never been formally specified but on a Wednesday night, everyone gathered having ordered takeout from several different places because there was no cohesive arrangement.  The doorman would bring bags and bags of takeout up and they’d arrange it by type so there was no contamination between each person’s food.  Yet as soon as it was set out everyone would just steal each others anyway.

Thor selected a random assortment of things, filling his plate and came and sat down on one of the recliners with his food and a beer.  As everyone else settled into place, settling into chairs so they were either draped over each other or intentionally sitting far enough apart so as not to draw attention Thor looked them over.

“I was wondering if I could talk to you all about something?”  Thor said.

Steve looked up from his place and raised an eyebrow.  “Of course.  What is it?”

Thor took a breath and look around the group again.  “You all know that I think of you as family, don’t you?”

“Aww man.  You’re leaving for good aren’t you?”  Clint whined.

Thor laughed.  “No.  It isn’t that.  As I said, you are my family.  I plan to visit regularly.  I love you all.”

“Getting sappy with us, Point Break?”  Tony said.  “Definitely sounds like you’re about to take off at the very least.”

“That may be true, I can not leave Loki unattended for too long.  He is my brother too, but as you can imagine…”  Thor explained.

“You’d prefer Asgard to remain in one piece.”  Sam finished.

“You know we miss you when you’re not here,”  Steve said.

“Of course.  Which is part of why I bring this up.”  Thor said.  “We as a group have something special.  I know many of you have recognized it with each other.  Natasha and Clint often invite me to their chambers.  I know the three of you often bed together,” He said gesturing to Sam, Steve, and Bucky.  “While the son of Wil also beds with Wanda and Natasha.”

There was some uncomfortable shifting in the group and a few people dropped their gaze unable to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Holy, shit,”  Tony exclaimed.  “You mean to tell me I’ve gone a little den of iniquity under my own roof and no one even invited me to play?”

“To be fair, Stark, you have been isolating yourself but I do know that you and Banner have been sharing a bed.”

“That isn't… We don't…”  Bruce stuttered turning three different shades of red.

“That may be true but what I’m proposing here isn’t necessarily about sex, though for me with any of you I put it on the table,”  Thor said.

“What exactly are you saying then?”  Sam asked.

“That you all recognize what it is you have.  This is family.  It is a bond stronger than friends.  The love is different.  What we have for each other may not be blood but it was forged in it.  It is love and we can provide things for each other.  Support.  Affection.  Tenderness.  Even sex if that is where you want to take it.  We share that.  The nine of us.”

Thor watched as the others shifted.  Some tensing while others looked around trying to gauge what people were thinking.  “What would it mean exactly?  I mean I assume you’re talking Polyamory here?”  Tony asked

“You have mixed your root words but yes.  Exactly.  It can mean whatever you wish it to.  It could mean that you all explore each other as lovers.  It could mean only some of you do and the others find other ways to express their intimacy.  Deep conversation, hand holding whatever fits.  Perhaps it means knowing you no longer have to worry about sleeping alone.”  Thor explained.  “Isn’t it almost what you all have now?  Only you all pretend that it’s not?”

The others traded glances and Tony cleared his throat.  “My therapist said I can’t just rush back in and given you were all hiding this from me anyway, I think I’m going to opt out.”

He went to stand but Bruce put his hand on Tony’s thigh.  “Tony… Just… Wait okay?”

Tony huffed and made himself smaller.  “Tony,”  Steve said.  “You were with Pepper when you and I… I would have continued if you’d wanted me.  I kept my distance for your sake.”

Everyone in the room’s eyes snapped to Steve and Tony.  “Whoa?  Seriously?  The two of you?”  Clint asked.

Tony shifted in his seat.  “Which is why I have now been told I need to take time because I can’t do relationships.”

“Or perhaps you just can’t do monogamy,”  Thor suggested keeping his voice gentle and nonjudgemental.  “Besides if you are not ready for sex yet, then it can wait.  Maybe in the future, you and Steve can rekindle what you almost had.  I know I would eagerly take you as a lover.”

“Think about it, Tony,”  Bruce said, an edge of excitement to his voice.  “I don’t think I will ever be able to have …” He made a small back and forth gesture with his hand.  “But if we just have this it means we can know if one of us is out of town the other isn’t sleeping alone.  That they have people who have them too. Like you said, you and I have a bond and it’s special.  Don’t you think there are also special bonds you have with everyone else too?”

Thor cleared the last of his plate as Tony looked around him and then at his hands.

“Well, I’m in,” Natasha said.  “ The more the merrier but I need it to be open.  I know that might sound weird given there are eight of you and maybe I won’t even do anything anyway, but as soon as the option gets taken away from me I freak out.”

Clint nodded.  “Same.  So much the same.”

“I do know I love you all and I hate when you aren’t in the building at night.  So yes.  I’m in too.”  Wanda agreed.

“Sure, why not?  I love you all.”  Sam said leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah,”  Bucky said quietly.  “If you’ll have me.”

Steve looked at him with his brow furrowed.  “You’re sure, Buck?”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah.  I’m tired of being alone.  I might overthink it from time to time but yeah.”

“We will have you if you do,”  Thor assured him, leaning forward and rubbing Bucky’s leg.

“Okay then, I’m in too.”  Steve agreed.

“Me too.  I mean… Like I said… There’s the whole Hulk thing so… If that’s …”  Bruce babbled.

“Bruce, I can speak for everyone and say we all love and want you in on this,”  Wanda said, tapping her temple.  Bruce blushed and looked away from them.

Tony tapped his fingers on top of Bruce’s hand.  “Okay.  I’ll try.  I don’t know if I am up to this, but I’ll see how it feels.”

Thor stood and clapped his hands.  “You have made me extremely happy.  I am going to retire to my chambers.  If any or all of you would like to join me, even if it’s just to watch, I would welcome you.”

Clint sat up suddenly and looked at Natasha.  “Thorgy!”

“Oh my god, you’re such an idiot,”  Natasha said, stifling a laugh and getting up.  “We’ll happily join you.”  She said taking Clint’s hand.

The three of them made their way to Thor’s apartment and as they rid themselves of their clothes Wanda and Sam gently knocked on the door and poked their head in.  “I’ve never done anything like this before,”  Wanda said softly and Thor grinned at the young woman and pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply.  Her fingertips trailed over the hills and ridges of Thor’s muscular form.

Beside them, Sam moved to Natasha and Clint and the two spies began to strip him naked as they kissed down his body.  The door opened again and Bucky and Steve slipped in through it.  They stopped dead and just watched the proceedings until Thor released Wanda and came and took Steve by the hand.  “Captain,”  the god said as he ran his large hands up under Steve’s shirt.

“Thor,”  Steve replied and kissed him hungrily.

As Thor and Steve kissed and undressed each other Natasha, Clint and Sam moved to the bed.  Natasha and Clint seemed to be battling with each other over who got to suck Sam’s dick, much to Sam’s amusement.  Bucky had Wanda perched in his lap as they kissed.  The pink glow of Wanda’s energy projection ran over his body like a glowing snake causing him to make deep purring sounds from deep in his chest.

When Steve was stripped of all his clothes, Thor ran his hands down over his chest and dropped to his knees in front of the supersoldier, first nuzzling and then licking up the length of this cock.

The door opened again and a very sheepish Bruce shuffled in followed by Tony.  They didn’t say anything, just went and sat together on the lounge chair in the corner, Tony perched on the arm.  He leaned in and kissed Bruce’s neck.

Thor pulled Steve’s cock into his mouth and dropped his head low down on it so the head was in the back of his throat.  Steve groaned and tangled his hands in the god’s long hair.

He bobbed up and down, delighting whenever Steve’s cock jumped and leaked salty precome over his tongue.  Humming a deep low hum whenever it happened and sucking harder like he was trying to coax more from him.

On the bed, Bucky had flipped Wanda onto her back and was crouched between her legs, eating her out and making her moan almost melodically as she arched under him.  Natasha had pushed Sam on his back and had straddled him reverse cowgirl while Clint crouched between their legs and ran his tongue from Sam’s balls up to Natasha’s cunt.  His ass poked up in the air so invitingly that Thor couldn’t help but pull back from Steve and move to him.

Steve moved to Bucky and Wanda sitting behind her so she could lean back against her.  Bucky crawled up their bodies, capturing Wanda’s lips and entering her, making her mewl and arch back against Steve.

> [Art by Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106780)

Thor grabbed the lube and slicked his cock, and pressed the head against Clint’s asshole.  Clint looked back over his shoulder for a moment, smiled at Thor and returned to what he was doing.  Thor slowly eased his cock inside of Clint’s ass.

Bruce and Tony watched on intently.  Tony was palming his cock through his pants, while Bruce’s fingers dug into the arm of the chair.

Wanda began to moan louder and louder, her voice joined by Natasha’s as they both neared their orgasm.  Thor wondered if Wanda was partially feeling what the others were feeling because both women threw their heads back suddenly and came together.  Natasha’s orgasm pulling Sam over with her and he spilled inside her.  Clint drinking up their fluids as they ran down Sam’s cock.

Thor kept fucking into Clint, feeling the squeeze of his tight ass around his cock, as people shifted again.  Wanda moved so she was lying sprawled out in front of Clint and where he was once tasting Sam and Natasha he now began devouring Wanda.  He did not stay quiet either.  Each thrust in made Clint groan against Wanda’s pussy.

The room was getting louder.  Natasha and Steve sat lotus style, Natasha riding Steve’s cock.  Sam was crouched between Bucky’s legs sucking his cock.  Over in the corner, Tony and Bruce had both pulled their cocks out and began to stroke themselves faster and faster, Tony occasionally leaning in to kiss Bruce or touch his chest.  The veins in Bruce’s neck had turned green and there was an iridescent green ring around his irises.

Clint pulled Wanda down beneath him and entered her, letting each thrust from Thor push him deep into Wanda.  She sent her energy projection out over all three of them.  It sent a buzz over Thor’s skin and plasma started to leak from his eyes and dance over his fingertips.

Clint cried out suddenly and his hips jerked forward and he spilled into Wanda.   There was another shift.  Thor wiped off his cock and pulled Wanda into his lap.  The room flickered in blue and red as they moved with each other, their powers flickering over each other’s skin.  Natasha was riding Bucky as Sam lay on his back in front of Steve as Steve fucked him.

The room kept shifting and moving partners switched and changed.  Sam and Clint gave in first.  Not long after they lay down together panting, Bruce came with a roar.  Tony’s orgasm hit as Bruce got up and started cleaning himself up and moving to the others.  Wanda was the next who gave up and she curled up in Sam’s arms, almost completely passed out as Clint cleaned her off.  Natasha was next and she headed out naked to the kitchen returning with water and Gatorade.  Finally, it was just Bucky, Steve, and Thor.  Thor lay between the two men as Bucky fucked Thor and Thor fucked Steve.  It had been a long time since Thor had had his limits tested like this and it felt good.  His body was alight and lightning danced over their skins.  Bucky grunted suddenly and released, pumping Thor full of hot come.  Thor groaned and his thighs trembled, he wrapped his hand around Steve’s cock and began to pump his fist up and down.  Steve mewled and leaned back capturing Thor’s lips and with a groan, both men came.  Steve spilling over his stomach and Thor inside Steve.

After rehydrating and cleaning up, the group all climbed into bed together.  It was a tight fit and bodies sprawled over each other.  Thor looked them all over as they lay either asleep or dozing.  He knew he was going to be spending more time away from them than together.  As ruler of Asgard, it was the way it had to be.  Yet he was glad that he had these people in his life.  They were his family and his home was the Tower.


	39. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team muddles their way through their new relationship and Natasha has an encounter that changes their lives forever.

There had been a lot of changes in Stark Tower since Thor had shown everyone what they could have together.  Somethings for the better others not so much.

It had become a rule that unless you specifically said you needed to sleep alone no one was allowed to.  It was a way to prevent people from worrying about asking.  It was working well and everyone seemed much better rested since it had been instigated.

Steve and Sam had started making breakfast every morning after their run and so if people wanted they could come and eat together.  Lunches were ordered and delivered to the common room on weekdays too and the regular unofficial Wednesday meal became official.  Yet somehow the food segregation still existed.  It was their little group quirk that they all took very seriously.

Maria had come to speak to Natasha and Clint and told them what had happened and why she had pulled away.  Finding out Coulson was still alive had been like a knife wound to the guts, but slowly they forgave and while they didn’t exactly fall back into what they had before, Maria, Natasha, and Clint did occasionally like to mess around.

Phil returned to them too.  it took a long time for most people to forgive him faking his own death.  Natasha, in particular, felt betrayed.  It was really only Thor, who was used to that kind of thing and Clint who was more relieved than anything else who forgave him immediately.  He wasn’t around much, but he would always be special to Clint in particular.

Bruce had created a male birth control for everyone.  It was an injection they took once a month but it meant they didn’t need to worry about any accidents in or outside the tower.  He had gotten a little more daring.  He had to be in the exact frame of mind but when he was he’d actually managed to sleep with Natasha and Clint separately.  It was a rare occurrence though and generally, he was found in the lab or glued to Tony.

Tony hadn’t been doing so well.  He seemed to like the idea of the group but couldn’t seem to jump a couple of hurdles.  He had installed a large fold out bed in the common room.  It was surprisingly comfortable and it fit all of them.  He never used it though.  He had never made the relationship physical with any of them, not even Bruce.  After being rebuffed by Bruce two different times because of fear of a Hulk-out he’d just stopped trying.  He had also started pulling away.  He attended fewer breakfasts than anyone else and it was only the Wednesday dinners he could be relied on to be at.  He allowed people to show him physical affection.  Putting his arm around Wanda if she curled up next to him.  Holding Sam’s hand if it was offered.  Stroking Steve’s hair if he lay down in his lap.  He never initiated though.  Natasha wondered if it might be he had gotten up in his head about the sex thing and couldn’t take rejection again.

All in all, it was working though.  It was right for them.  They were private.  Only Maria, Coulson, Vision, Fury and Rhodey knew what they had with each other.  That was okay though because it was theirs.

It was at the six-month point when Natasha came home from a trip to speak with a source at Columbia University looking slightly dazed and quite pleased with herself.

“What’s that face for?”  Clint asked as she flopped down on the couch next to him.

“So, I was outside the library right, with my arms full of folders and this girl flies out of nowhere and just slams into me.  We both go sprawling and there are just papers everywhere.”  Natasha said.

Clint groaned.  “Oh, god, Nat.  Please tell me you didn’t murder some undergrad.”

Natasha laughed and elbowed him.  “No.  Besides she’s like an associate professor.  She was totally in the zone.  You know how Tony gets?  Completely oblivious to the outside world.  It was her and her work.  She says she’s sorry looks me in the eye.  Zero recognition.  Helps pick everything up and then runs.”

“She didn’t recognize you at all?”  Clint asked.

“Nope,”   Natasha replied shaking her head.  “And other people have.  They’re sure she’s about to die right?  So I kinda think this girl is cute.  And I really like feeling invisible.  So I follow her.  I get her name.  Doctor Elise Cooper.  Then I stalk her online.  She’s got a few exes listed men and women.  She has lived overseas.  Studies induced mutation.  She seems funny.   Smart.  Like I’m going through her social media and she seems… I don’t want to say perfect but perfect.  And normal Clint.  Oh god, how great would it be to be with someone who is just normal and not tainted by this?”

“So what?  You’re crushing on her?”  Clint asked raising his eyebrow.

“Nearly.  I’m gonna stalk her a bit more make sure there’s nothing bad hiding in that closet.”  Nat said smiling and sinking back against the couch.  “I think I’m going to ask her out.”

> [Art by Ischa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106780)


End file.
